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Original poster

Every bank holiday (almost!)

299 replies

MiniPep · 28/04/2021 08:15

Hi all,

With the upcoming bank holiday on Monday it’s just hit me that I will no longer have bank holidays with just me and my partner and I feel quite sad about this...

My partner has his son every Monday-Wednesday and every other weekend so sometimes it’s 3 days a week, sometimes 5. Whatever the week though we will always have him on a bank holiday Monday.

I mentioned this to my partner as a realisation simply saying “I’ve just realised we won’t have bank holidays as just the 2 of us any more” and he didn’t get it. Which again feels quite disappointing...

How does everyone else split their bank holidays? Do your arrangements mean that you have them every bank holiday Monday?

And before anyone says it - I know we had Friday 2nd April which is why I said almost! It was a wonderful day off together and that’s why I feel it’s a shame we won’t have more but every other bank holiday this year falls to his contact time...

OP posts:
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Takingonthejellybelly · 30/04/2021 19:33

I don't think you should be with someone with a child..

sqirrelfriends · 30/04/2021 19:42

You have 2 full weekends a month to yourselves.

Children aren't meant to be a burden, the contact is important to your partner and to his son, I think it's odd that you resent it so much.

LaceyBetty · 30/04/2021 21:01

I seriously can't believe there are posters trying to compare a man's cycling hobby with a man having a child. So not comparable.

SaturdayRocks · 30/04/2021 21:44

Anyway. Good luck, OP. I do think you are going to need it.

As an aside - just a gentle reminder that that this is your life, and you do get to make your own choices and decide your own deal-breakers. Many a person has before you.

Maggiesfarm · 01/05/2021 00:06

sqirrelfriends Fri 30-Apr-21 19:42:53
You have 2 full weekends a month to yourselves.
.....
She does indeed, however that isn't enough, she wants another day to tuck on to it.

I'm sure that could be arranged sometimes, and vice versa. After all, contact arrangements are supposed to be flexible.

Then the pair of them could sit twiddling their thumbs on a Monday wondering what they can do that is 'special', thinking it's probably more interesting to be at work.

It would be easier to get involved with a childless man.

worriedatthemoment · 01/05/2021 09:37

Surely if you get with someone you realise that their children will always come first ( rightly so )
Yes its ok to be irritated but you have to accept it and realise why in this instance your partner can't see an issue .
The children were there first and can't help it that their mum and dad aren't together.
Also there is also a chance that you could end up with them full time, do entering a relationship with someone who has kids is something you had to be comfortable with being second best largely

worriedatthemoment · 01/05/2021 09:46

Everyone defending Op haven't considered that maybe the OP partner felt upset about what she said.
If on here a mum had said my dp has just said he is sad my kids are around every weekend , the answers would be different.
Lots of men who become sd have children around lot more as most mums are often the RP
Mumsnet answer differ hugely on wether a female or male posting
How I would see it is you have a good guy as he is still there for his son

worriedatthemoment · 01/05/2021 09:55

Also comparing hobbies / fear if flying etc is not the same as a child and is not a comparison.
Its your child , not a bike

aSofaNearYou · 01/05/2021 09:55

@worriedatthemoment

Everyone defending Op haven't considered that maybe the OP partner felt upset about what she said. If on here a mum had said my dp has just said he is sad my kids are around every weekend , the answers would be different. Lots of men who become sd have children around lot more as most mums are often the RP Mumsnet answer differ hugely on wether a female or male posting How I would see it is you have a good guy as he is still there for his son
Why on earth do you think the people defending her haven't considered that? Almost everyone that has done so has said it is ridiculous to be upset about what she said. Male or female, it makes no difference. It's a silly, defensive thing to be shocked and upset about.
SandyY2K · 01/05/2021 11:36

@worriedatthemoment

Yes its ok to be irritated but you have to accept it and realise why in this instance your partner can't see an issue

This is the crux of it for me. You can be irritated and sad about it, but to say it to your partner and expect them to commiserate or share your disappointment, just lacks insight IMO.

Everyone defending Op haven't considered that maybe the OP partner felt upset about what she said.

Those defending the OP, generally always support SMs, so how her partner feels is irrelevant to them, because she should (in their view) be free to say what she wants and he should acknowledge and support his child is an obstacle to alone time.

aSofaNearYou · 01/05/2021 11:44

@SandyY2K

Bit patronising.

There's only one side of this debate saying that only one person's feelings matter, and it isn't mine. Of course his feelings matter (as well), but ANYONE in a relationship should be able to casually mention something of this nature and have the other person be capable of understanding. No more, no less. Not one person has said anything about him sharing her feelings.

Your comments are generally fairly level headed but that came across as really biased and condescending.

m0therofdragons · 01/05/2021 21:30

I find this really strange. Most parents want the extra day with their dc and in reality you’re talking about 4 days a year. I guess you could offer for the dc other parent to split those Mondays so you can share that extra time dc are home when you’re not working?

indiakulfi · 01/05/2021 21:31

That's lovely that your dp has extra time with his child.

NeverAgain123456 · 02/05/2021 07:23

Step mother bashing bingo in full steam on this thread!!

As step mother’s it’s not unusual to want more than the scraps offered to us in the non contact time. BHs are bonus days off, why wouldn’t she want that bonus day alone with her husband every now and then?

UhtredRagnarson · 02/05/2021 08:16

As step mother’s it’s not unusual to want more than the scraps offered to us in the non contact time.

The scraps? The OP gets more alone time with her husband than his own child does. She gets him alone for 50% of the week. The child doesn’t- Op is there when the child comes for his contact.

NeverAgain123456 · 02/05/2021 09:26

He chose the part time child option when he split from child’s mother. It’s not the SM’s fault that the child doesn’t see her dad full time. Nor that the parents split.

UhtredRagnarson · 02/05/2021 09:32

Of course it’s not the SMs fault, but it’s still not true to to say she only gets the scraps offered when the truth is she gets half of every week with him alone which his child never gets.

NeverAgain123456 · 02/05/2021 09:46

Have you ever been, or are you a step mother? I have been, it’s hideous. The fact the child doesn’t get much time with his or her father is not the SM’s responsibility or fault. The OP is not unreasonable in wanting time alone with her husband without another woman’s child present.

UhtredRagnarson · 02/05/2021 10:06

How are you not understanding this?? The OP gets half the week alone with her husband without his child (not just another woman’s child) there. No one said it’s her fault the child doesn’t get alone time with his father.

LaceyBetty · 02/05/2021 10:09

another woman’s child

Not just "another woman's child"!! Her partner's child. What an awful turn of phrase.

SeasonFinale · 02/05/2021 10:21

But it still sounds as though he always had his child on a Monday so when would you have ever had a Bank Holiday Monday just the two of you?

SandyY2K · 02/05/2021 14:44

He chose the part time child option when he split from child’s mother. It’s not the SM’s fault that the child doesn’t see her dad full time. Nor that the parents split.

Correct....but it is on her that she chooses to have a relationship with a man who has a child.

The fact the child doesn’t get much time with his or her father is not the SM’s responsibility or fault.

Nobody suggested it was her fault at all.

The OP is not unreasonable in wanting time alone with her husband without another woman’s child present.

This phrasing comes across as resentful. That child is her husband's child. This isn't a random kid picked up on the street and dumped on her.

@Asofanearyou
but ANYONE in a relationship should be able to casually mention something of this nature and have the other person be capable of understanding.

We'll have to agree to disagree on this. Casually mentioning in any manner of words that his child is an obstacle to alone time isn't really going to be a view most biological parents will share. That's just common sense to me.

The OP feeling as she does is understandable, but vocalising those thoughts to him, are not IMO. Looking for your partner to acknowledge that his child's existence impedes alone time is very strange to me.

I can't recall if it's on this or a similar thread, but some responses seem to suggest being with a man with a child has led to sacrifices that they want their DP/DH to acknowledge and apologise or be grateful to them. Like they're some kind of martyr.

aSofaNearYou · 02/05/2021 15:11

*We'll have to agree to disagree on this. Casually mentioning in any manner of words that his child is an obstacle to alone time isn't really going to be a view most biological parents will share. That's just common sense to me.

The OP feeling as she does is understandable, but vocalising those thoughts to him, are not IMO. Looking for your partner to acknowledge that his child's existence impedes alone time is very strange to me.

I can't recall if it's on this or a similar thread, but some responses seem to suggest being with a man with a child has led to sacrifices that they want their DP/DH to acknowledge and apologise or be grateful to them. Like they're some kind of martyr.*

Yes, we will have to agree to disagree. Yet again, you are phrasing it as if the expectation is that he should AGREE with her, which has been reiterated so many times as not the case. Anyone should be able to speak about their own feelings, completely regardless of whether their partner agrees.

A partner with kids who doesn't have any understanding that the presence of their child (obviously) involves sacrifices for their partners and (obviously) does inevitably prevent alone time is not somebody that should be seeking relationships with people without kids. It's nothing to do with being a martyr, but everyone should appreciate what people do for them in relationships.

Coffeepot72 · 02/05/2021 17:04

The OP may get half the week without her stepchild but never gets a completely child free weekend. And a child free weekend is surely more valuable than (for example) a child free Tuesday-Wednesday

UhtredRagnarson · 02/05/2021 17:27

@Coffeepot72

The OP may get half the week without her stepchild but never gets a completely child free weekend. And a child free weekend is surely more valuable than (for example) a child free Tuesday-Wednesday
She gets every other weekend free until Sunday evening. This to pretty much the entire weekend bar a few hours on Sunday evening. After having almost the entire weekend, why would she need those few extra hours on a Sunday?