Secretly wish DH didn't have DSD and had a nuclear family

[Kindasup1]

Feel awful for thinking it but I can't help but reflect and think life would be easier if our family set up was nuclear, no drama with exes and Co parenting, different rules for different houses and just a simple family life where we could parent our kids as mum and dad . Has anyone ever reflected and thought this?

I suppose that in my case

After I left my husband, I looked at my children and for those four years, so happy and settled and secure and no drama.

And then I moved in my boyfriend. A good man and the children liked him and his children.

It’s not that bad, not like some of the horror stories I read on the SM threads, in fact compared with them - it’s utopia.

But I look at my children and indeed they’ve told me - they’re aren’t as happy and settled as pre blending families.

I prioritised my love life. And like many of us, our children were happier post divorce but pre blending.

I have realised that horrible truth and it weighs rather heavily. I just try the best I can

@Whatawaytogo I can understand why you feel the way you do in your specific circumstances, given what your kids have told you about how they feel, but it is not universal. My step son adores his half sister and has never said he feels anything bad about having me as a step mum. All of his sadness about the set up has been centred around his parents not being together. In fact he seems a bit confused about why his dad can't come back and live with him and his mum AND be with me and DD, but that's obviously his age speaking. His parents decision to split is 100% the part of the set up that is upsetting to him.

@Whatawaytogo bar domestic violence safeguarding issues it is not always better to stay. My DH was a compulsive gambler and heavy drinker. Not a danger to the kids, but we would have ended up in poverty, so I left. I don’t think that action was not in their best interests.

[quote WhoisRebecca]@Whatawaytogo bar domestic violence safeguarding issues it is not always better to stay. My DH was a compulsive gambler and heavy drinker. Not a danger to the kids, but we would have ended up in poverty, so I left. I don’t think that action was not in their best interests.[/quote]
I totally agree
I was quoting a pp

Yanbu.
I'd never date a man with children, when younger and if I become a lp now, I'd still not do it.
I'm 47 so ZERO chance of finding one without kids (or grand kids).
Too complicated and may be hard on the kids.

I'm a single parent and I know (now) there's no point trying to hanker after ''perfect''.

Maybe your husband wouldn't appreciate the dynamic between you two as much if he hadn't gone through an unsuccessful relationship first.

I know the challenges I've gone through with x being a narcissist have completely changed me, forced me to address why I put up with being treated badly, why I had no boundaries. Put simply I wouldn't be as self-aware or as resilient if I'd had an averagely bad (endurable) relationship with my x.

It all leads you to where you're going.

When I say ''perfect'' I don't mean a perfectly good relationship, I mean a set up that looks conventionally perfect. Two clean slates meet, have a perfect courtship, a perfect wedding, 2.4 cute children, bichon-frisse, white picket fence.

@Whatawaytogo ''I find it sad that some seem to think that a woman divorcing her husband is about putting her love life first.''

I think that a lot of women in bad relationships lack the courage to leave. And the coginitive dissonance won't let them believe that they are wasting their one and only life due to a lack of bravery. So they push water uphill to try and present the lack of courage as best for the children or selfless or not focusing on their love life.... (as if the man you share a home and finances with is not your LIFE).

life or LIFE - we all make mistakes, that's human. Be brave enough to walk away from a mistake I say. Don't roll around in the mistake and call it selfless or judge others who found the bravery.

Cos it isn't easy to leave a shit relationship when you have young dependents.

Good luck to anybody mulling their future over.

YANBU op. Wouldn't recommend it.

That's why I'm astounded by posts from young women....early 20s, settling for the baggage of a man with kids and an Ex. Even if the Ex is not a psycho, I wouldn't be up for it

Yup that was me, 23 and smitten with a man a decade older who already had young children. I was full to the brim of good intentions, and naivety.

Inevitably I wanted children of my own and now 4 years later, as both a mum and step mum, after endless drama I've realised just how bloody stupid I was.

I wish I had known how hard it would be. It was the DSC that caused us to split in the end.

I will avoid men with children in the future