Boundaries around the house with step.kids

[Kindasup1]

I was just wondering your thoughts , do you let your step kids have completely free reign to play in any room around the house ?
Surely I am entitled to some privacy my bedroom and my work office as an example. My husband has two kids from previous relationship one boy and one girl aged 7 and 9.
When they come they want to be in my room go through my things and play in my office. We have a child together who is 2 when they are bigger I wouldn't just let them run riot ! Am I being too precious over my house or do I have a valid point?

@FishyFriday
Oh I totally agree! Utter madness on these threads sometimes 😂

I think it’s normal to have rules about what rooms a child is allowed in. Basic example, DC aren’t allowed in the garage without an adult (too many hazards).

Yes it’s different from the rules they have at their other home but children are perfectly fine understanding that different houses have different rules.

YANBU to have some rules around this, it’s important that children understand that rules exist and that they have to comply with them as a life skill.

Another thought in school and clubs there not allowed to go wherever they want and do whatever they want so I think it's good to also instill those boundaries in the home as well

[quote LucieStar]@FishyFriday
Oh I totally agree! Utter madness on these threads sometimes 😂[/quote]
The prison comment was a particular highlight (or lowlight if we’re honest) for this board.

Op you won't win. Lock them out you are a wicked sm. Let them in and they catch you getting changed you will be labelled a pervert..
Dsd wasn't allowed to sleep in our bed. Neither were my own dc...
Her dm let her sleep wherever she wanted. Her house, her rules. Our house our rules.
We stood firm. And for the record ours was the only place dsd never had night terrors or sleep walked.
.

YADNBU OP. Keep them out of both rooms.

I love the fact that a 7yo and 9yo are allowed to draw on the sofa and walls at their mother’s home but your DH thinks you’re being uptight about a couple of closed doors. Unbelievable!

I don't have step kids, must my children are not allowed to play in my room unless I am in there. I have a work area set up in a communal room and they aren't allowed to touch anything there either. I think that's fair enough - you have to have spaces to keep private things.

*but

A prison has cells. In effect this whole out of bounds is a prison without bars
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😆😆😂😆
Oh @BusyLizzie61 you are funny

@Kindasup1

Husband gives the boundaries but then the youngest cries and I feel bad. In their home drawing on sofas is allowed and on walls and they have free reign. Whereas, it's not in our house! I am constantly saying out of the office please as they like to play on the chairs and spin around. Husband says I can be a bit uptight but I was brought up with clear boundaries and respect for the home I lived it. They have their bedroom the lounge and the garden to play.

Good God - drawing on sofas?! That's the problem when you're battling with a lack of rules at mum's. You're not being uptight at all, your husband is being a dick. You're entitled to your own space.

I know and thank you all ...I am laying down the law now and making it clear my bedroom and office are off limits !. Hubby is on board after a conversation. End of the day his kids will learn some basic house rules from his end as a result hopefully.

OP hopefully when the kids are adults they will be respectful and thoughtful towards other people.

I have always been stricter than exh. I had further dc and routine is a must with many! We had limited tech (I decided from day one I wasn't competing with exh-at 7 ds had a iPhone, laptop etc) .. Bonkers.. They had mealtimes and bedtimes.. Exh allowed drink and drugs as teens...
Interestingly dc went nc.
With their df... Needed boundaries ds told me.

2 well adjusted drink and drug free now!

Your office yes, the bedroom your DH should have an equal say if they can go in.

It’s their house too though, describing it as yours seems strange.

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss

Your office yes, the bedroom your DH should have an equal say if they can go in.

It’s their house too though, describing it as yours seems strange.

Why should DH have an equal say in whether DSC go into the bedroom? It’s her personal space as well as his. The DSC are not her children, they’re his! Joint child yes, step children no.

What does “an equal say” look like in this instance?
Left leg in, right leg out, shake it all about?
Family summit to discuss or flip a coin every time the kids want access?

@Youseethethingis

What does “an equal say” look like in this instance? Left leg in, right leg out, shake it all about? Family summit to discuss or flip a coin every time the kids want access?

😂😂

My own one child comes into my bedroom to ask for something talk to me or have her hair done she's only Littke but isn't allowed any of her toys in my bedroom or to play in my bedroom that's what her room is for and when partners little girl is over none of them are allowed in my room as they will maybe more than one child and his daughter picks up my expensive creams n makeup etc uses them without asking. Um no. So not allowed playing in my room full stop.

**make more mess

Never!
They never come into my room unless they're invited to it. They are not allowed in the Office either, because that's where our stuff is.
DSDs are 10 and 8, so they can talk back real bad, but I really don't care about drama or what their mom thinks or even what they think. I care about results. And, as impossible as this may sound to some SPs: MY HOUSE, MY RULES!!! ALWAYS!

YANBU
Boundaries are super important in these relationships.
My step relationship has entirely broken down now but I remember getting out of bed to go to the loo one Sunday morning, when I returned my SS aged probably 16 at the time in my place in the bed. I joked and laughed and asked him to get out (not feeling laughy or jokey). He wouldn’t and it all felt very strange and exclusive.
It was the start of the end.

@NeverAgain123456
Why didn’t his parent Chuck him out!?
Mortifying behaviour for a 16 year old boy 😱
Unless that was a typo and he was actually 6? 🙏🏻

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss

Your office yes, the bedroom your DH should have an equal say if they can go in.

It’s their house too though, describing it as yours seems strange.

It may be her house.

Even though they are married they may have separate finances due to his children.

They also may not have been married long so if they did split up the house would still be here.

People forget of your marriage isn't long and is childless you don't automatically get the other person's assets.

her's

@NeverAgain123456

YANBU Boundaries are super important in these relationships. My step relationship has entirely broken down now but I remember getting out of bed to go to the loo one Sunday morning, when I returned my SS aged probably 16 at the time in my place in the bed. I joked and laughed and asked him to get out (not feeling laughy or jokey). He wouldn’t and it all felt very strange and exclusive. It was the start of the end.

😳 god no. Just no. I feel for you.