Boundaries around the house with step.kids

[Kindasup1]

I was just wondering your thoughts , do you let your step kids have completely free reign to play in any room around the house ?
Surely I am entitled to some privacy my bedroom and my work office as an example. My husband has two kids from previous relationship one boy and one girl aged 7 and 9.
When they come they want to be in my room go through my things and play in my office. We have a child together who is 2 when they are bigger I wouldn't just let them run riot ! Am I being too precious over my house or do I have a valid point?

No I wouldn’t like that either. I think it’s good for them to learn to respect other people’s private spaces and belongings. I wouldn’t like my kids to think it was ok to do that in a home they were visiting and really it sounds like the step kids would do that else where too!!!

If you will have the same policy for your DC, then yes for the SC. Other, why should it be different for the SC?

Nope. Not in your office or your bedroom.

I was never allowed in my mum and dad's bedroom even when they were still together unless they told me I could. I'm the same with ours now.

@Finelinehere

If you will have the same policy for your DC, then yes for the SC. Other, why should it be different for the SC?

Why does this even need saying? She literally said in the OP she will have the same rule for her DC, it is totally unnecessary to try and muscle in the point about equal treatment.

In their home drawing on sofas is allowed and on walls and they have free reign
Entirely their mothers choice.
You want your home and space treated with respect and that’s entirely your choice.
As for the crying, all the more reason to stand firm. It’s making life harder for the kids in the long run if they can’t deal with this sort of thing and know what is and isn’t appropriate behaviour.

Why feel bad you don't want ferel dc? Boundaries keep us all sane op. Life for adults has rules. No better time to start than as a small person surely? No and distract.. No harm ever came to anyone being kept out of a particular room..

Kids cry if they think it will get them their own way. My toddler cries when he doesnt get his way. At 15 months old I tell him to stop and he is starting to about 90% of the time.
DSS got away with this behaviour untill he was far older and it was harder to adress the older he got. He even still tries it occasionally at 9 but has realised it doesnt work on me or dad ( it does with his aunt but that's a while other story).
Set reasonable boundaries and stick to them. Physical lock for the door. I would worry about them being in there spinning around. What if they knock off and break a monitor or computer. I dont have an office but DSS knocked a glass of water over my work computer( my bad for leaving it in the living room) it cost a couple hundred quid to fix and my boss was less then impressed to say the least.

Whatever you chose to do, make sure it's for all children, not just step children

@custardbear

Whatever you chose to do, make sure it's for all children, not just step children

In our home a closed door is a boundary for everyone. No one enters a room with a closed door without knocking and being invited into the room.My husband and I follow that protocol call with each other and all of the children.

We have no reason to ban the children from our bedroom or office space if we are not in the rooms, but no one would be rude enough to go search through the belongings of any other member of the house hold.

We did not teach those things as rules or boundaries but as common courtesy that they would extend to anyone in any environment.

Each of the kids have electronics and a television in their bedrooms so there is little that they should need from our bedroom or office. Sometimes they will go to seek out a stapler or paper clip for a school related project , and my youngest still likes on occasion to watch Tv on our bed. We have no problem with them doing any of those things, but they would not enter each other's rooms nor use each other's belongings without permission.

We have few rules regarding use of space in our home but every one is taught to be respectful of the privacy and property of others..

If anyone needs to be alone, they simply close the door.

@Finelinehere

If you will have the same policy for your DC, then yes for the SC. Other, why should it be different for the SC?

We have different rules for DC and SC. They’re different ages and have different parents. Our DC is allowed in our bedroom (tbh, he sleeps there anyway). None of the other kids are.

There are lots of ways in which there are different rules. In pretty much every case, it’s the DSC that don’t have to do things or are allowed to do things I’d never let my kids away with. But I can’t make their father enforce boundaries.

Tbh, my experience in real life and what we often see is that rules have to be the same for everyone, unless the DSC are getting more or getting away with more. That’s ok because they can’t be expected to adjust to different rules and they aren’t here all the time so telling them no would be too much.

@Yummymummy2020

No I wouldn’t like that either. I think it’s good for them to learn to respect other people’s private spaces and belongings. I wouldn’t like my kids to think it was ok to do that in a home they were visiting and really it sounds like the step kids would do that else where too!!!

The children aren't visiting, they're at home, well should be!

Bedroom.... No issue with lo laying on my bed bed. But knows not to poke around.

Office.... Occasionally sits or spins in chair. No problem. Occasionally collects stationery etc if needed. No problem.

Sounds like @Kindasup1 you're making it into a bigger deal than needs be.

It should be their home too. Areas should not be off limits, but should be treated with respect.

I've always let my kids everywhere, but they weren't for playing in. I would not issues ifs dp's DD's go into rooms either.

The children aren't visiting, they're at home, well should be! Bedroom.... No issue with lo laying on my bed bed. But knows not to poke around. Office.... Occasionally sits or spins in chair. No problem. Occasionally collects stationery etc if needed. No problem. Sounds like @Kindasup1 you're making it into a bigger deal than needs be. It should be their home too. Areas should not be off limits, but should be treated with respect.

What's with all the "should"? There is no rule on this, and an area being off limits does not make a place not home. Otherwise, are all the parents of teenagers who aren't allowed in their rooms not home? People are allowed to have private space in their home, which is generally expected for children, who wouldn't expect to find their step/mum reading a book on their bed of an evening.

There is not really such a big difference between an area being off limits, and treated with respect. Respect can be "yes you can pop in to get something or speak to me, but no playing in there". That is essentially the same as saying it is off limits.

@aSofaNearYou

The children aren't visiting, they're at home, well should be! Bedroom.... No issue with lo laying on my bed bed. But knows not to poke around. Office.... Occasionally sits or spins in chair. No problem. Occasionally collects stationery etc if needed. No problem. Sounds like @Kindasup1 you're making it into a bigger deal than needs be. It should be their home too. Areas should not be off limits, but should be treated with respect.

What's with all the "should"? There is no rule on this, and an area being off limits does not make a place not home. Otherwise, are all the parents of teenagers who aren't allowed in their rooms not home? People are allowed to have private space in their home, which is generally expected for children, who wouldn't expect to find their step/mum reading a book on their bed of an evening.

There is not really such a big difference between an area being off limits, and treated with respect. Respect can be "yes you can pop in to get something or speak to me, but no playing in there". That is essentially the same as saying it is off limits.

Off limits is very different to treat with respect. I wouldn't expect my teenager's room to be out of bounds either. A prison has cells. In effect this whole out of bounds is a prison without bars. How sad for the sc to not be home.

Hahahaha keeping a kid out your bedroom is the same as keeping them in prison oh what a hoot you are

If your dh insists they should be allowed in remind him your bedroom won't be nearly as an inviting place for adult fun when it feels like an dc's play area..

Of course it's reasonable. They just need to undersrand.

Saying something is out of bounds is making it like a prison? But the OPs step children don’t treat her room with respect or respect her privacy if they go through her things. I also think for young children that’s a difficult distinction. It’s ok for parents or step children to have firm boundaries.
Quite frankly I’d be very worried if DSD (or DD) went looking to the back of certain drawers in my room and examined what was there.

Off limits is very different to treat with respect. I wouldn't expect my teenager's room to be out of bounds either. A prison has cells. In effect this whole out of bounds is a prison without bars. How sad for the sc to not be home.

Wow

That's like incels saying girls who won't go out with them are keeping them "in prison." Prisons are to keep people in. Being asked to stay OUT of somewhere because it is someone else's personal space is NOT imprisonment.

Office should defo be out of bounds. My room I wouldnt let any of the kids play in unsupervised although the toddler will often jump on my bed, make faces in my mirror etc while I'm getting ready so I can watch her. All the kids get in bed with us sometimes - I would never ever say my 12yo cant come in my room (she knows to knock) so it wouldn't be nice for me to say DSD and DSS can't come in (DSS is a right one for barging in but its a simple task to pop a bolt on a door). I would absolutely not be letting a 7 and 9yo make a mess in my room though, step or not

Same rules for step kids as my own DS has. That means the kids can’t go in any bedrooms without knocking first and also can’t go in if the ‘owner’ of the room isn’t present unless given permission. Kids aren’t allowed in the office. Then they’re just expected to just treat the house with general respect.

@Youseethethingis

Hahahaha keeping a kid out your bedroom is the same as keeping them in prison oh what a hoot you are

Ffs. 😂😂

My SCs aren't allowed in our bedroom. Didn't realise this was tantamount to "imprisoning" them. MN really is an education!

@LucieStar

My SCs aren't allowed in our bedroom. Didn't realise this was tantamount to "imprisoning" them. MN really is an education!

I don’t go into my DSC’s bedrooms. They’re not my space, and DH is responsible for cleanliness etc. So I have no reason to.

I don’t feel imprisoned by this. Nor are they imprisoned because they aren’t allowed in our bedroom.