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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Opinions on child maintenance when the NRP is a SAHP

813 replies

CrashesOverMe · 23/02/2021 20:34

Just what the title says? NRP (Dad) has remarried and their wife is the breadwinner, thus their own income is zero as they are a SAHD. Legally they aren't required to pay anything but should they? (which would actually mean step parent paying!) In terms of child contact everyone is in agreement so although they could see their Dad more often, everyone is happy with him having the lower % of time.

OP posts:
OllyBJolly · 23/02/2021 22:24

The dad cannot afford to be a SAHP in this case. They have a financial commitment to their child(ren) and have to be able to cover that commitment.

If it was a financial decision between the dad and new partner (ie makes more sense for him to stop work and NP to earn) then the maintenance should be factored in to household expenses. That is a cost of him giving up work.

radioband · 23/02/2021 22:26

I’ve seen threads on here when the stepmum is being asked to pay the child maintenance and it’s a straight away no not your responsibility, seems to be a different response in this circumstance. OP you’re probably just going to have learn to manage without the maintenance, you can’t force payment if he’s not working. None of us no the reason he has become a sahd but maybe it made financial sense for them as she owes much more. Could you not approach dad to discuss or has he blatantly said no to paying anything now?

ineedaholidaynow · 23/02/2021 22:34

How old are the children?

SandyY2K · 23/02/2021 22:35

None of us no the reason he has become a sahd but maybe it made financial sense for them as she owes much more.

It might make financial sense for them as a family, but he has a responsibility for the upbringing of his DC from his previous relationship.

Any decision taken should factor them in.

If I was the SM I'd be ashamed to be with a man who thought it was okay to do this.

If I was the mum of the DC, I'd do my best to support my DC on my own, but I'd be having words with him about it...very strong words that would make him rethink being a SAHD if he had any kind of conscious.

ihavenowords30 · 23/02/2021 22:36

I guess both mums and dad can make this decision to stay home and older children are affected... my 3 SKs mum had 3 other Children with her new husband very close together and hadn't ever worked since having the first and won't be for the foreseeable after they are older.

My DP Has always paid Maintenance but refused to increase it because she quit working. She always argues the kids need stuff and her new husband shouldn't have to pay for them and I agree he shouldn't as I shouldn't either but when we said she has put herself on no income and added 3 mouths we aren't obliged to substitute this and ensure the kids have a certain lifestyle at her house she went mad. We can't have the kids anymore than we do to not living close to school and partner working full time nights! So sorry she's gotta suck it up!

SandyY2K · 23/02/2021 22:39

I’ve seen threads on here when the stepmum is being asked to pay the child maintenance and it’s a straight away no not your responsibility, seems to be a different response in this circumstance.

It's different if the dad has just lost his job, then it's not the SMs responsibility...as opposed to a decision for him to be a SAHD with no income.

He has no business being a SAHD...with no income when he has children to support.

Ad a SM I certainly wouldn't want to pay CS for his kids, so I wouldn't accept him not working.

lunar1 · 23/02/2021 22:40

@Oswin

There was a poster here who had the idea that she was going to get her partner to become a SAHP so they didn't have to pay maintenance and she didn't have to pay for nursery. Horrible shitty thing to do.
That was the woman who had her step children sleeping on the landing wasn't it, and the bizarre partner who had a (fizzy) coke habit and were conveniently gifted endless holidays and day trips out that never involved the DSC.

The dad can't afford to be a SAHP, he needs to get his ass back to work.

Oldbutstillgotit · 23/02/2021 22:44

DSG’s Dad ducked and dived for 13 years so DD never received CMS . Eventually they caught up with him and he promptly became a SAHD to new DP and their DC so still no maintenance paid . It may be legal but it absolutely stinks .

BlowDryRat · 23/02/2021 22:47

@OllyBJolly

The dad cannot afford to be a SAHP in this case. They have a financial commitment to their child(ren) and have to be able to cover that commitment.

If it was a financial decision between the dad and new partner (ie makes more sense for him to stop work and NP to earn) then the maintenance should be factored in to household expenses. That is a cost of him giving up work.

If he was temporarily not earning due to ill health or redundancy then that would be different. As it is, he's deliberately withholding financial support from his children. If he had any morals then ^this is what he would do. If maintenance isn't affordable on one income then he can't afford to be a SAHP.
LaceyBetty · 23/02/2021 22:50

This shouldn't be allowed to happen. He's a father and needs to pay maintenance for his children. Full stop. In my view anyway. He doesn't have the luxury of deciding to be a SAHD when he has other children deserving financial support. Utterly outrageous that this is allowed to happen.

Seasidemumma77 · 23/02/2021 22:53

In reality what an absent patent should and must pay towards the financial burden of their child is vastly different. I have one child for whom I receive nothing as patent is in prison, and the parent of younger 3 contributes £10 per month per child. Is it fair to me or to the children? No, but it's the reality. What I've learnt over the years be grateful for anything you receive but never rely on getting anything.

BillMasen · 23/02/2021 22:54

@LaceyBetty

This shouldn't be allowed to happen. He's a father and needs to pay maintenance for his children. Full stop. In my view anyway. He doesn't have the luxury of deciding to be a SAHD when he has other children deserving financial support. Utterly outrageous that this is allowed to happen.
Shouldn’t be allowed to happen?

So what’s your solution? Force him to work? Force him to pay? How? Interested in how in a perfect world it wouldnt be allowed

Beforethetakingoftoastandt3a · 23/02/2021 22:56

It’s not the stepmums responsibility to pay. But what an absolutely shit father with no morals who would give up work, and not feed or help house his children, to stay home with his ‘new family.’ Absolute scum bag. What woman would find that attractive. Id also question her morals.

LaceyBetty · 23/02/2021 22:57

So what’s your solution? Force him to work? Force him to pay? How? Interested in how in a perfect world it wouldnt be allowed

@BillMasen Criminal offence for failure to provide necessities of life for dependents. Just like the mother would get for deserting her children without enough food and shelter etc.

MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously · 23/02/2021 22:59

I said on another thread that if a nrp decides to sah for the benefit of his new family, then their partner should pay child support. It a family expensive.
Sah is a luxury the nrp can't afford if their spouse is unwilling to pick up all the bills. I'd be ashamed to be with a man who thought it was okay to not pay for his children. I would also worry about how he would treat my children if we ever split.

MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously · 23/02/2021 23:01

NRP who deliberately don't meet the needs of their children should go to prison. I bet they'd soon find a job if getting banged up was a real threat.

Original poster
CrashesOverMe · 23/02/2021 23:06

I think I've answered everything below, maybe not in order!

Why is he a SAHD?

He is a SAHD as for their family it's best financially but obviously not for his older kids!

Can't he offer to have them more to make it up to 50%?

He probably actually could go closer to 50% and would... my maths isn't fab but across the year with weekends and holidays etc but not on a week-to-week basis due to school and probably not in the best interests of the kids.

Who are you in this scenario, OP?

Mum (of the older kids with exH)

How old are the children?

Kids are pre-school and infant school age.

Could you talk to him and his wife c this?

They don't think they're being unreasonable.

Do you think they did this deliberately to avoid maintenance?

Actually I think him being the SAHP makes sense for their family but obviously that's very selfish for older kids.

OP posts:
ineedaholidaynow · 23/02/2021 23:08

Does he not feel guilty for not providing for his children?

When the children stay with him it will be the step mum in effect paying for their food etc

Willyoujustbequiet · 23/02/2021 23:10

The stepmom should absolutely have to pay IF the dad is staying at home to save on their families childcare costs. If she is benefitting economically from him being a SAHD then its repugnant not contributing to the older child's welfare.

LaceyBetty · 23/02/2021 23:10

He's just a simple deadbeat like all the other parents who don't pay maintenance when they are able-bodied or hide income. Makes no difference that it's "good" for his new family.

Original poster
CrashesOverMe · 23/02/2021 23:12

*Does he not feel guilty for not providing for his children?

When the children stay with him it will be the step mum in effect paying for their food etc*

Step mum is 100% financially providing for their family, I think they see it as they would have my kids more and there's no obligation legally so that means it's OK.

OP posts:
LaceyBetty · 23/02/2021 23:13

@Willyoujustbequiet

The stepmom should absolutely have to pay IF the dad is staying at home to save on their families childcare costs. If she is benefitting economically from him being a SAHD then its repugnant not contributing to the older child's welfare.
I think I agree even though I'm loathe to put it on the stepmum. But it would essentially be his "salary" that he had forgone. She's pretty gross actually for agreeing to this arrangement and letting his first children down.
MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously · 23/02/2021 23:13

He's being a selfish prick. I wouldn't do any driving etc to facilitate his contact or help him out in any way. Children deserve parents who are wholly 'in', not parents who cherry pick the bits of parenting they fancy doing. It often gets said on here that kids aren't 'pay per view' but to me decent dads pay child support and if he's not a decent dad then the kids are better off without him.

andweallsingalong · 23/02/2021 23:13

If he's a sahd why can't he provide wraparound care for his older kids, pick them up from school on days you're working, feed them tea, then drop them home. That way at least both families benefit from him role.

ineedaholidaynow · 23/02/2021 23:14

When you make the decision to become SAHP don’t you ensure that all your family can be provided for on one income. That includes all his dependent children