Page 33 | Opinions on child maintenance when the NRP is a SAHP

LouJ85 · 28/02/2021 13:56

*Because the state is the 100% financial provider, OP is able to access this by not getting a job. She is not providing the finance. And the EXh is in exactly the same position as her, except he isn't able to access a load of money for staying at home with his children (a necessity due to 1yr old twins as opposed to a choice by OP with a 5 and 7yr old) because he's married a woman who goes out to work to provide.

OP says how the £4 a day she was receiving, as the EXh has paid her until he was unable too, makes a significant difference to her. But her attitude is not, I could work, as I've got no excuse not too, with free childcare and family to help as well, and I'd be many hundreds better off (as PP have shown with their calcs) but questions, can I get free money from the woman who works full time, already pays for my children 25% of the time, missing out on her own baby twins, while I sit at home through choice.*

I have to entirely agree with this.
Both parents have made the same choice for the same reasons - one funded by the state, one by their partner.
But we are focussing only Dad's reasons for making this choice and not working, not OP's.
In OP's situation, I'd be thinking right, what do I need to do now to make this better for myself and my children? What options do I have? We've pointed out a few different ways ... but OP hasn't been back to the thread. 🤷‍♀️

LouJ85 · 28/02/2021 13:56

Bold fail!

GordonsAliveAmdEatsPies · 28/02/2021 14:13

It has to be said, if an ex-w expected me to pay for her kids because she preferred not to work even a few hours to support her own offspring I would tell her to jog on. Yes it wouldn’t be ideal that my DP in that scenario wouldn’t be paying the maintenance his ‘household’ could theoretically provide but l still wouldn’t view it as my responsibility.

LouJ85 · 28/02/2021 14:19

@GordonsAliveAmdEatsPies

It has to be said, if an ex-w expected me to pay for her kids because she preferred not to work even a few hours to support her own offspring I would tell her to jog on. Yes it wouldn’t be ideal that my DP in that scenario wouldn’t be paying the maintenance his ‘household’ could theoretically provide but l still wouldn’t view it as my responsibility.

Quite.

It's this sentence in the OP that gives away the implied expectation:

Legally they aren't required to pay anything but should they? (which would actually mean step parent paying!)

I mean... if my ex DP didn't work for whatever reason, it wouldn't even enter my head that my head that his new wife should pay if he couldn't or wasn't. I wouldn't have even entertained that notion. It's between me and him only.

Courtney555 · 28/02/2021 14:57

We've pointed out a few different ways ... but OP hasn't been back to the thread

Funny how when the resounding majority, (whether they agree on the EXh actions or not) state that the obvious thing to do is for OP to stop making excuses for not working, is the point that OP disappears into the ether...

GordonsAliveAmdEatsPies · 28/02/2021 15:12

Reminds me of the poster who wanted spousal support 7 years after she split up from the ex partner. She wouldn’t work. She disappeared from multiple threads when she was told that she was being unreasonable.

Oh and then there was the one who actually said within the thread that she expected spousal support from an ex partner because he ‘didn’t need’ the majority of the money he earned as he could do perfectly well in a bedsit whilst he paid for her outgoings and mortgage.

The audacity of some of these women astounds me.

LouJ85 · 28/02/2021 15:16

Oh and then there was the one who actually said within the thread that she expected spousal support from an ex partner because he ‘didn’t need’ the majority of the money he earned as he could do perfectly well in a bedsit whilst he paid for her outgoings and mortgage.

😳 Unbelievable.

Marty13 · 19/03/2021 16:51

Coming a bit late to the party, but if your ex is a SAHP, he is enabling his wife to save on childcare. It would make sense for her to pay him the money équivalent to what she's saving. Then out of this money he could pay you CB.

This way the stepmum isn't paying you child benefit (and I agree she shouldn't). But your ex is, with the money he's earned providing childcare.

This is of course assuming they can afford it.

SpongebobNoPants · 19/03/2021 19:03

@Marty13 no. He isn’t “saving his wife on childcare”, that is his only contribution to that household. She is paying for all of the household bills singlehandedly and also feeding/housing her SCs singlehandedly for 25% of the time whilst neither parent of those children work or support them financially.
She is the only person in this situation who is working! She’s already supporting them financially more than their actual parents!!!

aSofaNearYou · 19/03/2021 19:50

@Marty13

Coming a bit late to the party, but if your ex is a SAHP, he is enabling his wife to save on childcare. It would make sense for her to pay him the money équivalent to what she's saving. Then out of this money he could pay you CB.

This way the stepmum isn't paying you child benefit (and I agree she shouldn't). But your ex is, with the money he's earned providing childcare.

This is of course assuming they can afford it.

Why on Earth should she pay him to look after their joint child? If anything, you could I suppose argue that she should pay half of the childcare for her child and him the other, if you were taking who works to pay the bills and who doesn't out of the equation, but on what planet should it be her sole responsibility to pay it all?

ihavenowords30 · 22/03/2021 10:15

Interesting update from my side wondering people's views on it.... my partner works full time ana pays £318 a month now for 2 children ( the eldest SK isn't his biologically so he come to stay gets birthday / Xmas etc but is not included in my partners CSA)

The children's mother doesn't work, she is remarried and has been for 5 years her husband works full time and is on good money. She contacted my partner asking for money as the children a getting more expensive and wanting better phone & phone contracts etc laptops for colleges. We said we would pay for one phone contract to get either SS Or SS a new phone and would go halves on laptops etc. (Oldest child has new phone and MacBook already)

She bluntly said 'I'm not asking you to go halves or look at phone contracts just work how much more you are going to send a month and I will sort those things out'

Now my partner got annoyed and said well no what are you contributing to these things? She has had three children with new husband so has 3 under 5 as well as older three all teens.

She went mad and said I don't work and you know it so you will deny the kids? Or make John new hubbie pay for them? And he said well 'he's married you and had more children so you cannot work so he's made himself responsible for this too. You have clearly both agreed that it's better for you not to work and therefore he needs to help you with money'

I agreed if we made the conscious choice to stop my partner working I would expect us to have to find a certain amount for CSA

She then got into well you only have 3 years till one is 18 and 4 years till the other is so I guess you'll be stopping all payments then which he of course will be! Personally I cannot wait because trying to organise money with this woman is a nightmare

Magda72 · 22/03/2021 10:28

@ihavenowords30 - from my point of view if I had had dc with my (now ex) dp & he & I had made the choice that I stop working because if this, there is NO way I would expect my exh to make up MY shortfall for our 3 dc.

Dp & I would have had to ensure that I could still honour my financial commitments to my existing dc (exh pays me maintenance towards food, heating etc. & we go halves on all the 'big' stuff) & if we decided we couldn't do that then my only other option would have been to not have any more children!
So long as your oh is meeting his pre existing financial commitments & is prepared to go halves on agreed extras then she has NO right to demand full payment for anything from him.

ihavenowords30 · 22/03/2021 12:40

@Magda72 exactly, roll on 3/4 years when we never have to deal with her and money again!!!