Shouldn’t be allowed to happen? So what’s your solution? Force him to work? Force him to pay? How? Interested in how in a perfect world it wouldnt be allowed
It is a very sad reflection on our society that we need a CMS in the first place. In an ideal world, we would support our children come rain or shine without question. Sadly, child maintenance is something associated with women/mothers and is surrounded by unpleasant misogyny deeply rooted in our legal system. If men needed to claim maintenance in the same was as women do, you would find it was far harder to dodge - look at how the non-payment of council tax is handled. The Law and child maintenance don't quite fit - there has been absolutely no political will, for example, to ensure that the children of self-employed parents are fairly supported.
Women are labelled 'grabby' and 'dependent' when they expect the father of their children to pay for them. It is considered a 'family matter', something that happens behind closed doors - almost as if if she were decent and reasonable he would pay but he doesn't, therefore she isn't, it's quite clearly her problem. You see/hear comment after comment along the lines of 'she got the house/gets all the benefits' with the silent 'so why should he have to pay?' closely behind. If a woman dares to earn more than a man then again, why should he pay?
We don't judge men who don't pay maintenance, they can brag about it in the pub with their mates, their sisters and mothers, female friends and colleagues will all agree she's a money grabbing bitch if pushed to do so. Few people who are uncomfortable feel able to speak out because it's simply not the done thing. Some women actively seek to intervene and are happy to see a first wife struggle because it seems to say 'I love you more than I ever loved her' and that is so very satisfying. There are any number of women happy to be in a relationship with a man who has children and ask no questions about their support.
We have villified the 'single mum' to the point that many people rush into unsuitable relationships because they dont' want the stigma for them or their children. Working single mums are judged - plenty of 'oh, those poor children, always in childcare, why on earth did she ever bother to have them?' whilst dad who picks up once a week gets 'what a wonderful father he is! the children really should live with him, not that bitch who puts her career first!' Non working single mums are judged - who do they think they are on benefits, not even trying to help themselves. And again, wonderful dad rocks up once a week and takes centre stage.
The non-payment of maintenance should become as socially unacceptable as drink driving or smoking whilst pregnant. People should fear others knowing they do it. They should seek to hide it and family and friends should feel confident to challenge because they know there is the law and some kind of moral/social back up in our psyche that say's it's wrong.