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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Opinions on child maintenance when the NRP is a SAHP

813 replies

CrashesOverMe · 23/02/2021 20:34

Just what the title says? NRP (Dad) has remarried and their wife is the breadwinner, thus their own income is zero as they are a SAHD. Legally they aren't required to pay anything but should they? (which would actually mean step parent paying!) In terms of child contact everyone is in agreement so although they could see their Dad more often, everyone is happy with him having the lower % of time.

OP posts:
Willyoujustbequiet · 23/02/2021 20:41

Of course they should pay. It's their child! They shouldn't have even contemplated being a stay at home parent knowing what this would mean for maintenance. If they did it knowingly its disgusting.

SpongebobNoPants · 23/02/2021 20:41

Why is he a SAHD?

SandyY2K · 23/02/2021 20:44

I understand it's the income of the parent that is used in calculating child support/maintenance payments.

So if he doesn't earn anything, then theoretically he can't pay anything from a legal perspective.

I guess the question is...does it sit well with the father to not contribute towards the upbringing of his DC?
I wouldn't think a lot of a parent who thought this was okay.

SpongebobNoPants · 23/02/2021 20:45

@Willyoujustbequiet does your outrage stretch to women who also choose not to work and claim benefits to support their children and also have subsequent children?
Not being goady, I’m interested in the response.

OP how often does their dad have them? You said it’s less than you but no specifics

FoffeeCoffee · 23/02/2021 20:49

What % of time does he have them? And what is the maintenance shortfall based on what he was earning?

Can't he offer to have them more to make it up to 50%?

SleepingStandingUp · 23/02/2021 20:53

I think if we'd decided for DH to be a SAHD then I'd feel we were obliged to still contribute financially to his children. So either having them 50% of monetary wise. However if he's a SAHD because we can't afford childcare and money is tight it would be the former not the latter.

Why is he unwilling to have them more?

partyatthepalace · 23/02/2021 20:53

@SpongebobNoPants

Why is he a SAHD?
Because he’s had more children with his second wife presumably.

I find it generally v irritating when NRPs have more kids in a new partnership that they cannot afford, because of course the kids from the original relationship tend to be the ones that suffer.

So it’s frustrating OP, but as he now has kids, it’s perfectly reasonable he looks after them. Could you talk to him and his wife c this? Are you clearly less well off than them - it’s possibly she might see her way to helping with something if that’s the case, if she can afford it and is generous.

Also if he’s at home and your kids could see more of it, would him taking them more help you to earn more? He doesn’t have money but he does have time.

Muskox · 23/02/2021 20:55

Do you think they did this deliberately to avoid maintenance?

Theunamedcat · 23/02/2021 20:56

Strange how quickly it became a goady genuine question about women on benefits 🤔

You are only allowed on benefits until your child turns three then you have to job search or have someone supporting you

I couldn't respectva man who lives off his wife and puts his children at a financial disadvantage its 14% of your wages for one child 16% for two its not like its all your money

Pleaseaddcaffine · 23/02/2021 21:00

Their step parent eg wife dosn have to pay maintence. Not their job.
Fatervsould have 50% in that senario

Original poster
CrashesOverMe · 23/02/2021 21:01

Dad has what probably works out as about 25% of the time across the year due to distance and school.

He is SAHP to children with his wife.

OP posts:
HerRoyalNotness · 23/02/2021 21:04

I think the NRP should get some type of PT work (fitting around his SHAP duties) specifically to pay maintenance. If they’ve decided as a family that he won’t then the family budget should include maintenance.

Username1917 · 23/02/2021 21:05

Opinions? Well I’d think he’s a pretty awful father to refuse to provide for his own kids unless he was doing ALL the childcare for the children from his previous marriage.

Original poster
CrashesOverMe · 23/02/2021 21:07

And what is the maintenance shortfall based on what he was earning?

Hard to really work this out as living situations have changed but legal maintenance due would have probably been about £250 pm.

OP posts:
Username1917 · 23/02/2021 21:07

@HerRoyalNotness

I think the NRP should get some type of PT work (fitting around his SHAP duties) specifically to pay maintenance. If they’ve decided as a family that he won’t then the family budget should include maintenance.
This. The maintenance is the responsibility of the patents but if the step parent and the NRP decide that the NRP will be a SAHP then they really need to be contributing towards the previous children.
user1493413286 · 23/02/2021 21:09

I’m a stepmother with DC with DH and a DSD, I don’t see maintenance as my responsibility and it comes out of DHs money BUT morally I’d never suggest to DH that he be a stay at home dad and not then contribute to his DD. His responsibility is firstly to DSD and any financial decisions we make including changing jobs and having more DC take into account his financial responsibility for DD.

aSofaNearYou · 23/02/2021 21:09

I don't think the SP should pay maintenance, but I think the NRP needs to get some kind of income to cover at least that.

GrumpyHoonMain · 23/02/2021 21:09

@CrashesOverMe

Dad has what probably works out as about 25% of the time across the year due to distance and school.

He is SAHP to children with his wife.

Are you facilitating contact? If so I would stop doing it for free. No driving them to his unless he pays for petrol. No paying for stuff in advance of their visits to him.
Userwoman1990 · 23/02/2021 21:17

I disagree it is not the responsibility of the step parent to pay ultimately.... if the SAHD isn't earning you can't go to the SP. Its unfortunate but if they cannot afford child care thats the way it is ...maybe look at 50:50 child care with the kids so he contributes that way ??!!??

ShesMadeATwatOfMePam · 23/02/2021 21:20

As a stepmum, if my dh packed in his job and i was working, i would absolutely pay maintenance. I couldn't see my stepchild going without.

timetest · 23/02/2021 21:56

It’s morally reprehensible but perfectly legal.

excelledyourself · 23/02/2021 22:02

I'm in favour of 50/50, but I wouldn't be happy with the dad having the kids 50/50 just to ease his conscience. Doesn't read like he's been desperate for increased contact before being SAHP.

If I was the SM here, I'd pay. Or depending on the childcare situation, want my husband to provide all Afterschool/holiday cover.

Who are you in this scenario, OP?

Devlesko · 23/02/2021 22:13

He's a sahd to the children with his ex wife. I presume she works.
he can't work if he's looking after his kids.

funinthesun19 · 23/02/2021 22:17

No I don’t think they should because ultimately, maintenance is the responsibility of the NRP.

Do I agree that NRPs should be “SAHD’s”?
No I don’t. They have a financial responsibility towards two sets of children and they should be at work to provide this.

Don’t be fooled in to thinking that all partners of an NRP are actually happy with this set up either. Some NRPs will use this as a way to doss at home, while leaving the partner vulnerable to expectations financially from the ex. It’s not a nice position to be in.

And finally, I may not be popular for this but I think it’s very important to point out. If the partner of the NRP is the SAHP to her own children (half siblings of the NRP’s first children for example), then I do not think this should automatically make her more generous with her time when it comes to her stepchildren. Same with maternity leave. Can’t have it all ways.

Oswin · 23/02/2021 22:22

There was a poster here who had the idea that she was going to get her partner to become a SAHP so they didn't have to pay maintenance and she didn't have to pay for nursery.
Horrible shitty thing to do.

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