Am I selfish

[Kiaya]

So, just thought it would be nice to know what other people thought about my situation, so I can maybe try and see things from an alternative point of view.
So I have just spoken to my partner, who has his son every weekend from Friday afternoon until Sunday 7pm. I have asked if it would be ok if we could only have his son one night and one day this weekend and maybe every couple of months do the same. I really appreciate that he needs to see his son but I work evenings in the week and he works days so we never get any time together and I don’t feel like we have a weekend. I understood he had a son when we first got together but it has only been since we lived together that he has had his son every weekend and all weekend. I don’t want to seem like the evil stepmother here and I appreciate the fact this is life but to be honest I am shattererd! With work and looking after his son every weekend I feel like I never get any time off. It’s always me that gets up with his son which I don’t mind but one day off a month would be lovely.
Am I just being selfish as my partner is not very happy about this and says I’m being very unreasonable by asking him to do this.

Why did this arrangement only start once you got together?
Stop getting up to see to his child. How on earth has this become the norm?
In your shoes, I think I’d exit this relationship, your lifestyles aren’t compatible.

Kiaya, you are not selfish. Why are you getting up in the mornings on the weekend to look after his child when you work evenings?

If this is an early days relationship it is far easier to end it now. I know that sounds brutal but if all the time you spend together includes his son it's not going to get any more fun!

It’s always me that gets up with his son which I don’t mind but one day off a month would be lovely.

Why on earth is this the arrangement?!!

Remove yourself from sm status... His dc. His responsibility.. Does he see you as free childcare?

Stop getting up with the dc.
Its his weekend with his son.
Stay in bed.

YABU expecting him to not have his child.

He is BU in expecting you to babysit whilst he sleeps.

Stay in bed and use the time to find a better partner online.

Nope. Stop getting up with his child in the mornings and doing his dirty work. It's his child, so his responsibility.
If he isn't happy about what you asked, then he needs to do 100% of the childcare even though he should be doing that anyway whilst you catch up on sleep and have some time to yourself.
He obviously isn't that concerned about having an odd weekend off to spend with you either.

Why on earth isn't he looking after his child?

Saying that though, you could both book a day/night off work so you can spend time together, rather than him cutting his sons stay short.

Another weekend ‘dad’ too lazy to parent.

But he looks good to everyone else. What a great dad - has his son every weekend, for the whole weekend.

What was the arrangement before you lived together OP? Did he have his own place?

You don't sound selfish, I don't think you can ask him to see his son less but he should be the one getting up in the morning with him at weekends and looking after him, not you.

The answer isn't to ask him to reduce contact with his son. It is to tell him to actually take care of his son during said contact.

Am I reading this correctly? It's only been since you lived together that he now has his son all weekend every weekend?

1. what was the arrangement before you lived together?

2. how old is the child?

Do you have a single friend who isn't in a bubble? Or a nearby hotel taking bookings?

I'd leave him to look after his son all weekend, see how keen he is then.

If you can't do that, just sort yourself out this weekend & let him sort out himself & his son.

Funny how this only started once he had you to look after his son!

Why exactly are you getting up with his son?

How old is his son? It's his contact time not yours and he cant get up with his child 2 days a week! why did he break up with his ex? Do you want kids with him?

So to summarise:

• you are asking your partner to prioritise you and your relationship approximately 4-6 nights per year
• he says this is unreasonable
• he wants you to do all the work for his child that he’s so desperate to see so much of
• he thinks this is reasonable

What a catch

Asking to reduce contact is incredibly unfair on your partner's son.

On the other hand, telling your partner that he has to do all the get ups and general childcare for his child s completely reasonable (having a uterus doesn't make childcare your job!).

If he won't do this, I'd seriously reconsider your relationship... imagine if you have children of your own, can you rely on him to do his fair share of night feeds etc?

He should not be cutting down contact with his son.
He should be getting up and looking after him!

It’s always me that gets up with his son which I don’t mind but one day off a month would be lovely.

Are you the paid nanny? Then you don't need him to authorise a "day off". They are ALL your days off.

He has no respect for you. Double up on what you have for yourself, and get rid of him.

1. Stop doing his parenting for him.

2. if you want to see more of him change your working hours.

@WINKINGatyourage

1) Stop doing his parenting for him.

2. if you want to see more of him change your working hours.

Definitely not trying to start an argument but why should OP change her working hours? Why shouldn't her 'D'P change his? I'm not sure that advice is particularly sound Winkin

Because she is the one who ha stage issue with how much time they have together? Why wouldn’t she try changing her hours first?

Ha stage= has the

It would be a bit out of order to say “I want to see more of you so can you change your hours please” if Op isn’t actually prepared to change anything herself.