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Original poster

My house my rules except when you're a step mum

241 replies

Dollyparton3 · 16/12/2020 08:03

Here's a corker.

Currently due to host Xmas day lunch for the in-laws and children. Adult DSD is working Xmas day (day shift)

DP asked the family for their consensus of what time they'd like me to serve lunch (I know, I'm fuming) and DSD has insisted everyone eats in the evening.

I've told DP I'll cook when it suits me and we always have lunch early afternoon.
I don't want to be cooking at 7:30 at night Xmas day and clearing up even later. MIL is now on her phone to DP telling me she'll cook nibbles all day to appease DSD.

I've told DP that DSD can have a plate of food left for her as it's her choice to work and MIl can eat when it served to her or else stay in her home. That's normal. Right?

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MeridianB · 16/12/2020 19:57

@Dollyparton3

She's not working all day. She's working for 4 hours then won't commit to when she'll come here after that but she is staying over.
What hours is she working from/to OP? I know you said she would be there at 7 but does she finish earlier in the day?

The whole not wanting to be at her mums is odd. Your DP and MIL sound exhausting. Is it too late to go to your family on your own? 😴

Original poster
Dollyparton3 · 16/12/2020 20:18

I don't mind her being at her mums at all, she said she was coming here and asked us to serve dinner late. She's working 11 to 3 we think

OP posts:
Original poster
Dollyparton3 · 16/12/2020 20:20

Sorry misread that, yes you're right she does t want to be at her mums. Her grandparents are very "conservative" shall we say. The more interesting house is this one. I'll wear that but it shouldn't need us to change everyone else's plans to suit that request

OP posts:
Original poster
Dollyparton3 · 16/12/2020 20:21

Abs yes my family are tier 3 and we're not so we're not going to try abs throw that into the mix!

OP posts:
Original poster
Dollyparton3 · 16/12/2020 20:22

"And"
Autocorrect fail

OP posts:
MeridianB · 16/12/2020 20:22

If she’s working until 3pm why is she asking for Christmas dinner at 7pm?

MargosKaftan · 16/12/2020 20:35

Wow, she's only working until 3?! I might move it to 4pm at most then. If she wants to be with you, she'll make it for then. (This presumes she doesn't work 2 hour drive away!)

Original poster
Dollyparton3 · 16/12/2020 20:39

@MeridianB I have no idea.

OP posts:
TriflePudding · 16/12/2020 20:49

The whole situation seems very messy OP, do you actually like your DPs family? Do you like your DP?
I think if you did you might be more inclined to compromise, which is fair enough.

But is it time for a rethink about your situation? If you feel put upon, and taken for granted then you should talk to DP so he can work on making you feel very appreciated and sharing the load, (which in turn would make things like this meal less of a problem).

LimpidPools · 16/12/2020 20:49

Oh no. That changes things again. Depending on distance to be travelled, I might consider serving at 4 pm. (Which would be pretty standard for us anyway tbh). I would be expecting her to rush home to make it.

But demanding 7/8 o'clock according to her whims and fancies? Not a chance. Just no chance at all. None.

tisonlymeagain · 16/12/2020 20:54

Who the fuck wants to eat dinner at 7pm on Christmas Day? 4pm is the latest I would do it.

Save her a plate of food and she can warm it up. It's not miserly, it's reality. Both my parents worked every Christmas (nurses) and that's what they did at my grandparents.

Original poster
Dollyparton3 · 16/12/2020 21:02

I think the key frustration here is that when DP asked everyone else what they want to do I instantly felt sidelined. He's a great husband all the time but this was a colossal blooper on his part.

Then when SD was asked the question it snowballed into "well I don't know what time I can be there and I need the whole day to revolve around me and NOW IM JUST GOING TO CRY UNTIL 2022 UNLESS YOU ALL JUST LET ME ROCK UP WHEN I WANT TO"

We checked her place of work's website and the latest she will finish work is 4. We live a 20 min drive away. I can only assume that the other 3 hours is for her Instagram obsession or outfit choices.

Then MIL piles in saying that we all have to wait for DSD before anyone has time to think. This is a common theme and worthy of the stately homes thread so I'm not going to throw my husband under the bus for it.

As of this morning SD still couldn't tell us what time she thought she could reasonably be here, but as MIL was in her corner she preferred not to answer. Then I posted on here and the stepmum bashing flowed.

I can see a huge list of resolutions coming next year!

OP posts:
AuntyFungal · 16/12/2020 21:05

Don’t cook this year - just don’t.

Let others take the physical and mental strain.

Butterymuffin · 16/12/2020 21:07

In that case I would say to DH that if you're cooking, it will be to eat at 4-4.30. Anything else and he can cook. Same goes for MIL.

And I agree with taking a stand this year, not next. One of the few advantages of Covid is that it allows people to break out of old patterns where they've always done something and feel apprehensive about stopping with no 'good reason'. You've had a hard year and you deserve down time too.

Flowerpot345 · 16/12/2020 21:10

I think you should tell them to fuck off and have dinner at their own houses.

But I did make a new years resolution last year to try and say it how it is more, perhaps you need to as well?

tisonlymeagain · 16/12/2020 21:24

Just put your foot down and tell them what time dinner will be served. End of.

MeridianB · 16/12/2020 21:25

I think you should tell them to fuck off and have dinner at their own houses

I agree with this ^^

wishywashywoowoo70 · 16/12/2020 22:14

Jesus I'd be fuming too.
If you don't mind making lunch for 4.30 then offer that time and that time only. If that doesn't suit they can fuck off
Cheeky gits
Mil sounds like a dick by the way

Voice0fReason · 16/12/2020 22:24

I don't see how cooking a meal for 2pm is any different to cooking the same meal for 7pm
Everyone else should be cleaning up if you're cooking.
I wouldn't want one of my children to eat a reheated Christmas dinner by themselves after a day at work.

Chickenwing · 16/12/2020 22:32

I'd tell DH that if your cooking the meal will be ready when you have cooked it. If he wants to rearrange it for 7pm, he can cook it. Problem solved.

Enough4me · 17/12/2020 00:08

OP, please come back to say you have said it's mum's day off on Christmas. You will eat whatever they cook, but you are not running about for them!

trixiebelden77 · 17/12/2020 00:25

That’s quite a bit different to your original post.

I’d just time it for when she’s finished work and if she doesn’t choose to make it that’s on her.

We are shiftworkers and work some combination of shifts every Christmas so we move when we’re eating each year. We always, always eat together.

Really deliciouschilli, you couldn’t eat a meal at 7pm? How odd.

StamfordHill · 17/12/2020 00:47

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Enough4me · 17/12/2020 00:56

@StamfordHill you missed the update where DSD is a whiny brat finishing work before 4 and demanding food when she wants it. Not sure why OP would feel charitable to support that behaviour?

Lorw · 17/12/2020 01:43

I think the whole fun of Christmas is having a Christmas lunch around 1 and then stuffing your face with the left overs in the evening in a big sandwich 😁 so I vote YANBU

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