Redundancy and Child Maintenance

[TazSyd]

DP is currently furloughed and found out last week that he is at risk of redundancy. He has been expecting this and thinks that there is a high chance that he will be made redundant. He’s been there less than 2 years, so will only be paid 1 month notice and accrued holiday pay. As he lives with me he will only be entitled to £75 a week contributions based benefits.

We have a DD together and he also has another daughter who lives with her mum but stays with us 2 nights a week (in normal times). One weeknight and also on a Friday night and Saturday day - we pick her up from school on Friday and drop her back at her mum’s after dinner on a Saturday. As DP has been furloughed, we (well he, as I have been working from home so haven’t done much childcare during the day for either DD or DSD) have been having her more often - more like a 50/50 split. Despite his drop in income and the increase in childcare, he hasn’t reduced the maintenance he pays to his ex.

I’ve spoken to a couple of recruiter friends and they’ve said that the employment market has picked up a bit but realistically they aren’t expecting it to pick up properly until September. So DP could well be unemployed for a few months.

DP will pay £7 per week out of his JSA to his ex but this is a lot less than he currently pays (£300 per month). I know I have no legal responsibility for DSD but should I top up the maintenance to DPs ex?

@funinthesun19

Thank you. Yes, we’re not pushing her into making a decision because we want to make sure she’s thought it through. Then we will stick to whatever is agreed.

it’s a child of the second family I support and we know those are less expensive.

Oh apparently so. They don’t need very much and as a mum of children from a second family we have absolutely no damn idea how much it costs to raise a child. First children cost WAY more, and we occasionally get nice patronising long lists from mums of first children about what children need to survive. Thanks but no thanks.

And one final thing, we all know second children are begrudged everything. A nice new winter coat? That money could have gone on an 5th coat for the teenage first child who wants about a million different coats. A hobby to enrich the second child’s life? That could pay for extra food at the first child’s mum’s house.
A day out with their mum? How dare they enjoy time with their mum without the first child tagging along too!

When I've said before that I spend less on Ds a week than we do maintenance for DSS.... Nobody believes me. It's true though. Not even close.

When he was at ft nursery without funded hours we did but then that's not the same really is it

I think you pay her the £7 per month and hung g more if you can. Or offer to pay for specifics for DD.

When I've said before that I spend less on Ds a week than we do maintenance for DSS.... Nobody believes me. It's true though. Not even close.

Me too. Easily. Apparently DSS maintenance barely touches his clothing, but I can feed the entire family, clothe DS and pay the nursery bill on the equivalent to CS. Perhaps the calculator is broken at my house?

I find it amazing how first children are out of this world expensive and mums of second children haven’t got the faintest idea of how much it costs to raise a child.

but I can feed the entire family, clothe DS and pay the nursery bill on the equivalent to CS.

Dont be so ludicrous. That's not at all possible... it's all a fabrication so NRP can attempt to pay as little as possible..

On a serious note.. I do struggle to understand how on earth some people struggle to afford their children with upwards of £200+ per month cms when I know families who are left with even less after bills to provide for everyone, adults and children, but yet manage to make it work to the best of their ability.

Don’t forget we can tap into a secret second wives job market too and access secret childcare that facilitates this...

@DogBowlSpaghetti

Don’t forget we can tap into a secret second wives job market too and access secret childcare that facilitates this...

Equally our kids are just fine in childcare but first children are absolutely not.

I do struggle to understand how on earth some people struggle to afford their children with upwards of £200+ per month cms when I know families who are left with even less after bills to provide for everyone, adults and children, but yet manage to make it work to the best of their ability.

I agree. And that’s what’s even more frustrating. Some households are budgeting and sometimes really struggling but they’ve already handed over maintenance. They’re trying to make it work with the money they have left. What do people actually expect them to do? Starve their second children so that they can hand more maintenance over?

What do people actually expect them to do? Starve their second children so that they can hand more maintenance over?

According to some posters, that’s exactly what should happen.

Equally our kids are just fine in childcare but first children are absolutely not.

It’s evil to arrange for step children to go to holiday club when you’re on maternity leave.

I wonder if stepmums have ever been paid some of the money that the exes have saved a hell of a lot of in childcare fees when their kid’s stepmum has been on maternity leave. I think not.

I wonder if stepmums have ever been paid some of the money that the exes have saved a hell of a lot of in childcare fees when their kid’s stepmum has been on maternity leave. I think not

I certainly wasn't! I just got greif. I never even agreed to it ex literally just dropped DSS at my door when dp was at work.

I certainly wasn't! I just got greif. I never even agreed to it ex literally just dropped DSS at my door when dp was at work.

Oh god. That’s just so wrong. Some people have no shame at all.

@TrustTheGeneGenie
That’s shocking! It’s borderline neglect IMO. Cheeky fuckery off the scale.

That's nothing when he moved in with us she just dropped him off with his stuff and text dp to tell him he was living with us now.

Similarly when he moved back with her wet just got a text and came home to all his stuff gone out of our house.

Ex’s DP arrived here from Poland, with her eldest. She had been told the benefits system here is better. She arrived with no capital, no qualifications and already a single mother. I don’t see why I should be expected to fund the choices she has made.

DP only has responsibility for his child (DSD), not his ex or her other child.

Oops, meant DPs ex.

Stand firm, OP.

Not your problem to deal with, despite some bonkers people here thinking it should be.

"What do people actually expect them to do? Starve their second children so that they can hand more maintenance over?"

Don't be ridiculous! They're not supposed to HAVE second children...

Ex’s DP arrived here from Poland, with her eldest. She had been told the benefits system here is better. She arrived with no capital, no qualifications and already a single mother. I don’t see why I should be expected to fund the choices she has made

True colours there, OP. Wow.

Don't be ridiculous! They're not supposed to HAVE second children...

Oh yes silly me! Imagine the outrage at there being FOUR second children like in my case. The ex wife told me I shouldn’t have had them which I thought was a bit rude.

True colours there, OP. Wow

Wait what?

You think op should support her because of her previous decisions then?

I wonder if the step mother bashers realise how they look to rational people.

Howling at the moon and full of bile.

Not attractive.

You think op should support her because of her previous decisions then?

I think thinly veiled xenophobia, coupled with some benefit bashing and ended with 'single mum' shite warrants a 'wow', yes. God forbid anyone should want to legally travel to another country to seek a better life, benefit rates in the UK are well known to be some of the worst in western Europe and being a single mum upon travelling is neither here nor there. Indeed, the OP's partner thought enough of the woman to have a child with her. On top of that, the OP herself has said she has been totally reasonable about the whole situation so why bring her past into anything?