Redundancy and Child Maintenance

[TazSyd]

DP is currently furloughed and found out last week that he is at risk of redundancy. He has been expecting this and thinks that there is a high chance that he will be made redundant. He’s been there less than 2 years, so will only be paid 1 month notice and accrued holiday pay. As he lives with me he will only be entitled to £75 a week contributions based benefits.

We have a DD together and he also has another daughter who lives with her mum but stays with us 2 nights a week (in normal times). One weeknight and also on a Friday night and Saturday day - we pick her up from school on Friday and drop her back at her mum’s after dinner on a Saturday. As DP has been furloughed, we (well he, as I have been working from home so haven’t done much childcare during the day for either DD or DSD) have been having her more often - more like a 50/50 split. Despite his drop in income and the increase in childcare, he hasn’t reduced the maintenance he pays to his ex.

I’ve spoken to a couple of recruiter friends and they’ve said that the employment market has picked up a bit but realistically they aren’t expecting it to pick up properly until September. So DP could well be unemployed for a few months.

DP will pay £7 per week out of his JSA to his ex but this is a lot less than he currently pays (£300 per month). I know I have no legal responsibility for DSD but should I top up the maintenance to DPs ex?

To be fair, OP didn't mention anything to do with the mum's background until quite a long way into the thread. I think it's fairly understandable for her to be a bit defensive after the amount of times people have called her an awful person for not sending this woman her own money.

Yes, I agree. I don't think she should send her any money and have never suggested otherwise. But in my opinion, there's no 'being fair' when you come out with prejudiced rubbish like that. Totally unreasonable.

benefit rates in the UK are well known to be some of the worst in western Europe

Really? They always seem like quite generous amounts to me. Apart from if you’re a single person with no children to claim for, like a non resident parent.
Single parents claiming benefits whether working or not working don’t do too badly. All the more reason for the op not to help the ex.

I think no-one is covering themselves with glory on this thread.

Really?

Yes. Always considered generous by anyone not needing them. The significant number of posts from people moaning about UC, however, now that they are in a position to claim due to the current situation tells a different story.

Single parents claiming benefits whether working or not working don’t do too badly

Always a matter of opinion. It makes a difference but to suggest we 'don't do too badly' is blanket statement and doesn't take into account indivdiual situations. Not all single parents are elibigle for benefits, or much support at all if they are just over thresholds. There is a need to be careful with comments like these.

All the more reason for the op not to help the ex

It's not much of an argument to say a parent doesn't need to support their children because of benefits. Both parents need to support their children as best as they are able - and do so by claiming benefits if eligible. No one claiming benefits should be made to feel bad about it, assuming they are claiming what they are entitled to. If you are not careful with this kind of argument, it quickly slips into 'she gets all the benefits why should I pay anything' as a means of justifying non payment of maintenance.

Of course, yes, I recognise that the OP isn't the parent and doesn't owe her partner's ex anything at all.

Yes. Always considered generous by anyone not needing them.

Lol. So I don’t need them as a person currently not working and who has children? Trust me they are generous amounts and I can say that from first hand

No one claiming benefits should be made to feel bad about it, assuming they are claiming what they are entitled to.

I’m not making anyone feel bad. It would be a bit hypocritical of me if I did. I’m just saying that the amounts are not low unless you’re a single person on your own.

*first hand experience

@Lostmyshityear9

You think op should support her because of her previous decisions then?

I think thinly veiled xenophobia, coupled with some benefit bashing and ended with 'single mum' shite warrants a 'wow', yes. God forbid anyone should want to legally travel to another country to seek a better life, benefit rates in the UK are well known to be some of the worst in western Europe and being a single mum upon travelling is neither here nor there. Indeed, the OP's partner thought enough of the woman to have a child with her. On top of that, the OP herself has said she has been totally reasonable about the whole situation so why bring her past into anything?

I took it as op explaining why she may not be well off, but equally she also made all those decisions and why should op pay for them?

Nothing at all wrong with what she's done. I think good for her. However it doesn't entitle her to any of ops cash.

she also made all those decisions and why should op pay for them

You are clutching at straws now, trying to excuse really poor attitude in the OP towards the ex. I certainly have never said that the OP should pay for the ex's life decisions. Not really sure how many times I need to day that. The ex did not arrive at the situation she is in today - trying to juggle her life around her ex's redundancy (no valule judgement with that) - because she left another country for the benefits as a single mum. She is in the situation she is today because her ex lost his job.

@TrustTheGeneGenie. @Lostmyshityear9

I made different decisions. I worked hard and made sure I was financially settled, prior to having children. By work hard, I mean uni, post grad, prof quals and a lot of hours at work. That’s why I earn more. I don’t think I should pay more of my salary to someone who made different decisions - she’s supported by the benefits system (the one I’m already a net contributor to, due to my taxes). My point was that she chose to come here with nothing and no way of making anything, knowing that she would be supported by the state.

She made a decision to have an affair with a married man (her son’s dad) then leave that Dad in Poland and come here without support. She then cheated on DP which is why they split.

Yet many on here think I should be financially supporting her.

I’m just saying that the amounts are not low

All a matter of opinion, isn't it? Not low for you. Certainly low for others, particularly when trying to continue pay a mortgage.

You are clutching at straws now, trying to excuse really poor attitude in the OP towards the ex

She doesn't need excusing. She doesn't have to like her!

I didn't take ops explanation as any more than just that, an explanation. She didn't call her a sponger or a slag or anything nasty. She just explained the ex's situation.

You just get worse by the post, OP. Just stop.

@Lostmyshityear9

You just get worse by the post, OP. Just stop.

So do you!

**yet many on here think I should be financially supporting her”

* DP will pay £7 per week out of his JSA to his ex but this is a lot less than he currently pays (£300 per month). I know I have no legal responsibility for DSD but should I top up the maintenance to DPs ex?*

Perhaps because you asked the question in your OP??

@Lostmyshityear9

I think you are infantilising DPs ex and other women in her situation. Which is a pretty arrogant and patronising way to behave.

*yet many on here think I should be financially supporting her”

DP will pay £7 per week out of his JSA to his ex but this is a lot less than he currently pays (£300 per month). I know I have no legal responsibility for DSD but should I top up the maintenance to DPs ex?

Perhaps because you asked the question in your OP??confused*

My offer still wasn’t enough for many posters and it was to support DSD, not DPs ex.

So @Lostmyshityear9 and @Juliet2014

Do you think every woman who works hard and makes sure they are financially secure, prior to having children should pay for women who don’t do this? It could be an extra tax maybe.

You and your situation is irrelevant as is she income or her other children's father contribution. Goady or what? It is your DH's job to support her and £7 a week will not cut it -£300 to £28 that a serious impact on his daughter she doesn't breathe fresh air. The only fathers I know who do this have ZERO contact when they are order. So what can he ebay? What can he sell? Car? Motorbike? Anything -he needs to have a conversation but £300 to £28 -nada! I do not rely on my exes contribution -but she does. He needs to say I've been made redudant but I will pay £300 this month and next month -he needs to do ANY job to support his daughter. Taking her in lieu -is laughable. No doubt you think that if she stays at yours her mother doesn't need anything. I'm so happy for you that you are all ok on your budget. But judging by the fact he was due to pay £300 a month what was he warning per month before that £2000 -he needs to step up and take any job , loan, sell stuff etc. My friend's ex is in IT and he pays her £500 a month -he lost his job -he is still paying £500 a month end of. I'd be more worried that my DP wasn't taking his responsibility seriously. He needs to do this and you need to tell him this. You make a baby -provide for it. He needs to do this.

Meant she doesn't just breathe fresh air to survive. Heating, mortgage, rent, water, petrol etc.

None of that is any of your business though.
No you should not contribute your own finances and in all honesty you need to leave your DP to sort it and stay out if it all together.
Your DP has to sort this and your judgements on his ex are not very pleasant.
Well done for getting an education and all the rest before you had your child, for many other reasons others are not in the position to do so.
Your DP had a child with her knowing what she was supposedly like so he is equally as culpable but you don't seem to questioning his choices and deemed him a suitable enough partner to marry

Taking her in lieu -is laughable. No doubt you think that if she stays at yours her mother doesn't need anything

Can you explain what you mean by this?

he needs to do ANY job to support his daughter.

He’s offered to do this but it would mean ex’s income dropping and her having to pay for childcare. She would be worse off.

Also he doesn’t need to do what you say. That’s just your opinion (based on not reading the full thread), not what the CMS and courts require. Unfortunately for you, they don’t take your views into consideration.

@scotsllb

It was to the posters who said I should be supporting DPs ex. Genuine question, do you think that women who work hard and ensure that they are financially stable, prior to having children, should pay extra taxes to support those women that don’t?

If I were her and you I think your DP doing all childcare and paying no maintenance would be the best option - if she's looking to work more shifts anyway surely she could do that and make up her own income?