DP insisting SCs are coming the weekend we move house

[SpongebobNoPants]

Bit of background info:
SC’s mum and DP are pretty flexible about changing arrangements unless they have concrete plans like weddings or nights out planned.
DP and I are completing on our new house on Friday and are moving furniture etc ourselves using a van DP can borrow from work for the weekend however that means he can’t collect the van until after 5pm, meaning we won’t even be able to start moving any beds or fridge etc until after 6pm at the earliest.

I have arranged with my ExH for him to have the DCs so I can get the furniture in, house organised a bit and get the new beds / furniture for the house assembled.

I just spoke to DP assuming he’d had the same conversation with his Ex about swapping weekends or potentially us having the next couple of weekends in a row to make up lost time so we have the opportunity to get things sorted in the new house before any of the kids are here.

I just want to move all the furniture in, assemble beds, plumb dishwasher, have the fridge etc all sorted so it’s liveable.

DP has just said he hasn’t even spoken to his Ex and hasn’t asked for flexibility or a swap which means we’ll have the kids from 5pm on Friday.

I’m fucking livid. How on earth does he think firstly that we’ll manage to move all the furniture and sort beds etc whilst looking after the SCs and secondly how is it fair for them to come to us and potentially not even have beds there?!

He said “oh we’ll manage”?! Jesus Christ he hasn’t thought this through one bit and seems more concerned with “making sure they’re not left out” even though it’s not at all practical and they wouldn’t be “left out” as my DCs won’t be there either and we’ll happily have them extra to make up for the time lost.

His Ex I know would also not have an issue with this.

It’s going to be so much harder work, we won’t have the internet for the older SC to use and no fucking assembled bedroom furniture

Can you speak to his ex and explain you don't want them to be stuck without beds or internet?

Also, can he get the van any earlier?

@ButteryPuffin long story but his ex and I don’t talk outside of normal polite chit chat if we are face to face. Also if I go behind his back I can’t see he’d appreciate that, he’s decided he wants them there so I can’t then say I’ve made alternative arrangements for them.
And no he cannot collect a van any earlier than that because they’ll still be in use during normal working hours

How on earth does he think firstly that we’ll manage to move all the furniture and sort beds etc whilst looking after the SCs

like everyone else who moves with children? I’ve moved 5 times as a single parent with both my DC there throughout.

and secondly how is it fair for them to come to us and potentially not even have beds there?!

Why would you not have their beds there? You packs their beds into the van last and set them up first in the new house before anything else. Put their bedlinen in a bag on the front seat of the van.

I suggested us both collecting all of our children between picking up the keys and when we can start moving stuff with the van (about a 2-3 hour time slot) so they can have a good look around the house etc and then all feel like they’ve been a part of moving day without actually being there whilst we’re trying to do all the practical stuff

Why would you not have their beds there?
Because they have new beds which require assembly from scratch.

like everyone else who moves with children? I’ve moved 5 times as a single parent with both my DC there throughout
You had no other choice, we do. Also I’m assuming you had professional movers or other people helping you?

I’ve moved several times as a single parent btw, but I had other people moving the furniture not myself single handedly and I also didn’t have to assemble everything by myself.

I hope the new place is left clean and tidy.
Pack cleaning stuff and some food essentials and toilet paper when you pick up the keys, along with overnight bags.
You can get the DCs to help clean before you pick up the van and furniture. At least this way you will be moving into a clean space.
Maybe some sleeping bags and pillows so you can camp on the floor if needs be.
Good luck

Also the bloody timings are what makes it impractical!
We can’t even start to move the furniture until 6pm. And the van is a 2 seater... meaning we’ll have to leave them alone in either house for a considerable period unless I also ferry them back and forth in my car

Because they have new beds which require assembly from scratch.

So you just assemble them. Worst case scenario they sleep on their mattresses on the floor.

Also I’m assuming you had professional movers or other people helping you?

My father. So the same number of people as you and DH.

You had no other choice, we do

Your question wasn’t about choice. It was how does he think you’ll manage. And I said- like everyone else who has moved with children.

And the van is a 2 seater... meaning we’ll have to leave them alone in either house for a considerable period unless I also ferry them back and forth in my car

Yep you take the car. Also pack it with stuff too so it takes fewer journeys.

Really? You can’t see why this is ridiculous considering he could say “hi ex, would you mind a switch like we’ve done many times before because next weekend we’re moving house?”

If you’re not considering leaving them alone they must be a good age so will be able to help.

Sorry, if you are considering leaving them alone.

No they’re not, I was pointing out the impracticalities

How old are the dc ? Can they not help ?

I honestly don’t see why he hasn’t just swapped the weekend like both him and his ex have done so many times before

Really? You can’t see why this is ridiculous considering he could say “hi ex, would you mind a switch like we’ve done many times before because next weekend we’re moving house?”

He wants his kids there. It’s really not the nightmare you’re making it out to be.

He wants his kids there
As well as that may be, it’s not practical in our particular set of circumstances and because of physicality it’ll be me looking after them while he’s doing other things.
I may just say “Oh my kids will be here too” and see how practical he thinks it is then.

@notapizzaeater they’re too young to help

Smallsteps88 can you really not see where op is coming from? If you had the option of not having your children around whilst you were moving would you really not have taken it?

Maybe some sleeping bags and pillows so you can camp on the floor if needs be.
Yes all this BUT I wouldn’t worry my head about any of it. Oh what’s that where will they sleep? I don’t know I thought you would have had something planned? Be prepared for you to sleep in a mattress on the floor, but I’d be prepared to go to bed leaving him to sort things too! It does seem dumb. Yes you can move house with kids but why would you when it’s so much easier not to?

can you really not see where op is coming from?
I can. It will be more hassle having kids there than not. But for me it wouldn’t be something I’d be stressing about.

If you had the option of not having your children around whilst you were moving would you really not have taken it?

Not sure. It never was an option so I can’t say. I’ve done it so many times now it’s really not a problem to have them there so I doubt I’d send them off if it was an option. If they were toddlers I probably would.

Yes all this BUT I wouldn’t worry my head about any of it. Oh what’s that where will they sleep? I don’t know I thought you would have had something planned?

But it will become my problem. If my SCs end up upset then of course I’ll have to tend to them as well, they’re my family.
DP will be putting furniture together and plumbing things in so I’ll be the one looking after SCs when I could be sorting other things and speeding up the process

Sorry I didn’t mean to underline that last part

It will be more hassle having kids there than not. But for me it wouldn’t be something I’d be stressing about
I’m incredibly stressed about the move anyway which he knows. So I’d rather my DP minimised the hassle for us, just as I have