Gift giving - am I being unreasonable?

[2kids1me]

Hey everyone,
Just wanting some non biased opinion.
We are a blended family of my 2 children and my husbands child.
When ever a scenario occurs such as Christmas and Easter as we both pay for our own children his son gets lavished with gifts whilst my 2 get what I can afford.
At Xmas I was asked for a Nintendo switch which I just couldn’t afford. My son was heartbroken when he realised my husband bought his son one knowing my situation. His son also didn’t actually ask for this.
I’m still annoyed but life goes on. My husband said I was being unreasonable for being annoyed.
Anyway fast forward - given the current crisis I have bought all 3 1 extra large egg and suggested we give them each £10 to put away for spending money on a day out (once we can!)
He said he doesn’t know how much his son will be given yet!
Once again I am sure I will be made to look the bad guy.
Am I being unjust here or should all 3 get the same?
I know it’s a split family but being married and together this long should surely count for something on them all being the same?

Why is the switch still at your house if it was his sons present and a switch is very portable?
I imagine this man has the rule that stuff he buys, even as gifts, remain in his house.
Sounds like he doesnt treat you as family when he counts every penny because there is more of you.
He is cruel to your kids, financially abusive, and a bully.
LTB

I wouldn't be in this relationship. I would have ended it over the switch.

I felt sorry for you as well as your children until other posters pointed out the history. Now I know that you are complicit in this awful situation that your poor children are in and that you have put them in last place every step of the way. All for some dickhead who doesn't love you. You have been so selfish and caused your poor kids so much heartache. Wake up immediately and make the remainder of their childhoods happy.

Being blended is a mine field.
We sort of don't talk about it at the start of a relationship because I think we feel like there's all this love and things are perfect and it's an adorable situation that we've longed for after the previous broken relationship.
It honestly depends on your relationship and the communication you have.
I've done this, my kids a lot older than his. I sort my kids, he sorts his, but I'd honestly be disgusted if he was to go above and beyond in an unnecessary way. That's no way to blend a family.

We are a blended family and now have grandchildren, the children and grandchildren are ours not his or mine. We have always had a joint bank account and at various times one of us has earned more than the other, but all money is ours. You need to have a look at whether this is working fairly for you and your children.

I felt sorry for you as well as your children until other posters pointed out the history. Now I know that you are complicit in this awful situation that your poor children are in and that you have put them in last place every step of the way. All for some dickhead who doesn't love you. You have been so selfish and caused your poor kids so much heartache. Wake up immediately and make the remainder of their childhoods happy.

Why don't you give her a chance to respond to the other comments pointing out the previous threads before laying into her, she's already said she plans on leaving, this is unlikely to be helpful.

She's been told every step of the way. She knew at every step of the way that her children's best interests weren't being met and went through with it all anyway. I don't care if you don't think my comment is helpful, maybe she needs to hear explicitly that her choices have led to her children suffering emotional harm.

Blended family here. Presents are about equal, my one, his two. Hell would freeze over before I stayed with a man who behaved as yours did. He is a wanker.

This is awful. I can’t imagine living with a man who treated my children like second class citizens.

I have 2 children, dh has 3- all adults now. Dh earns all the money, not me. He wouldn’t DARE treat my children differently from his own financially. And none of them even live together.

What he did to your son was incredibly nasty and calculated. Your poor son must have felt like shit. I hope you find a way to leave him ASAP and teach your kids they are worth so much more.

Why don't you talk to each other about this ? The idea that his DS gets things which your DS wanted, is crazy. You are married - surely you talk to each other about what the kids are going to get for Christmas and birthdays ?

You need to TALK to each other and draw a line in the sand....from now on we give the kids gifts of equal cost . If you and DH can't do that simple thing, you can't call your family "blended".

Hmmm, I'm not sure I see it the same as so many seem to.
I don't know if I agree that he should NOT buy the gifts he wants to buy for his son because you can't do the same for your own children.
My childrens father buys great gifts. Annoying as hell sometimes but it is what it is and I'd NEVER try and control that. I'd be really , really pissed if he had a partner that told him he could no longer do it though.
It is also NOT your husbands fault that the other father in the equation might not be stepping up. If he did, would you tell him he couldn't?
Surely this is all stuff you clear up before getting married?

Yes but CJsGoldfish, surely the Switch could have been shared?

I'm not saying no one should have got one if they all couldn't have had one each, but surely something like a games console can be a shared present? Especially when you know that one of the children you live with wanted one but can't afford it.

I personally couldn't sit at watch my child open that knowing there's a 6 year old sitting by them, who asked for that very thing and didn't get it, and not even tell them it's for sharing together. It's in the poor boys bedroom

The switch could have been shared. They could have played it together. But it wasn’t
We did talk about it and hence him saying I over reacted because I wasn’t quiet about how pissed I was!
I’d like to also point out I started a money jar for my son to save for his own. Even my own mum and dad twigged and offered to buy him one but I said no.
I put my post up and I expected some backlash - my kids aren’t miserable just to point out. They have me always on side and this isn’t a daily battle. We carry on with our lives and I make it as happy as I can.
Being married means a lot of loose ends to tie before you can leave.
And I always worry I am wrong! Mostly because I am told I am most of the time

And the comment about the gifts stay here - they do. They aren’t allowed out of our house. It chilled me a bit that you picked up on that?

my kids aren’t miserable just to point out. They have me always on side and this isn’t a daily battle. We carry on with our lives and I make it as happy as I can
Going by your previous posts, I'm not sure that's true. You know it's always going to be and "us and them" situation yet you continue to expose your children. Why?

What about your previous posts? You knew before you married him that you were going to make things more difficult for your children.

So why do it?!

I'm sorry op but your children are probably aware of the toxicity in the household and probably don't let you know how sad/scared they are as they don't want to upset you.

You still have time to salvage this situation but you need to get out sooner rather than later.

Your dc may not show they are miserable but they are aware you have accepted it's OK for them to be 2nd class in their own home...
Self esteem issues and in the future relationship issues lie ahead imo.
Show them they deserve more and get rid of him..
.

Do they have a good relationship with their own dad? Hopefully they do and that will lessen the impact of them having to put up with the arsehole you decided to marry.

So you knew what your life was going to be like, and yet chose to marry this dude anyway. Time to put your kids first, start planning your divorce, never force another bloke into your kids lives.

Your dh sounds really unkind, what he did at Christmas was nasty and would be the end for me.

And I always worry I am wrong! Mostly because I am told I am most of the time

Who’s telling you that?

And I always worry I am wrong! Mostly because I am told I am most of the time

Who’s telling you that?

Her husband of course. He's given her lists of how she and her children need to change.

You say your kids aren't miserable...I don't think you see that. I'm sure they aren't in tears, but deep down, this isn't a good situation for them.

I spoke to someone recently whose DH physically disciplined her son. When questioned by social services, her son insisted that his stepdad loved him and had hit him for his own good. It's what he thought his mum wanted to hear and he was worried his mum couldn't afford to live without his stepdad.

Children often present the side that they think their parent wants to see.

The switch isn't the real issue here. Your H has moved you in to reduce his living costs, while yours has reduced and he didn't care.

What does this man do to show he loves you?

Why didn’t you want your mum and dad to buy the switch?!