Advise on dealing with stepsons girlfriend

[Rockchic7]

Hiya,

Iooking for a bit of advise on how to deal with stepsons girlfriend situation.

I have lived with my other half and his son for nearly 2 years. For the last six months my stepson who is 23 has been dating a girl who is not very sociable and barely speaks to us which makes me feel very uncomfortable.

I know she is shy but she makes absolutely no effort to get to know us or let us get to know her. Since dating her she stops over probably 4nights a week or more and barely leaves his room usually only to go the toilet or leave the house. Not sure why but they do not stop overnight at her home. I know she still hasn’t even met stepsons mom.

We have already had to have a sit down with stepson about 2 months ago and explain that her behaviour is quite rude (he agreed and wasn’t surprised at us saying something to him) as she would come into the house go straight upstairs without even saying hello and would be lucky if she said goodbye the next day when she left after being here nearly 24hrs, some days she’s been here all day and we’ve had no idea she’s in the house. On occasions she has totally blanked me as well which boils my blood. She has been invited to numerous family meals out including my other half’s mothers 80th birthday meal last month and she won’t go, stepson admitted he’s asked her to go to his nans bday meal and she just just sat there a didn’t say a word, I think he felt if he pushed it she would go in a strop about it. I find it very selfish of her as he has gone to family meals and days out with her family.

Since the chat with stepson when they come in at night she does now come into the living room and at least say hello which is an improvement but to be honest she pretty much sits there and doesn’t speak or just stands in the doorway waiting for us to finish speaking to my stepson so she can go upstairs.

I know she’s young and shy but she’s really grating on me and I really don’t know what to do. I’ve spoke to my other half and he finds her very unsocial but it doesn’t seem to bother him, I think he’s just glad his son has found a girlfriend.

Has anyone had a similar situation and any advise on how to not let it bother me so much?

I don’t think that you’re asking to much for some brief conversation. I was initially shy with my in laws but like your SS girlfriend I was there a few days a week so I had to plow ahead if I wanted to be under their roof.

I have family members who also had this problem but it was a little worse as she even had her mail redirected to their house, which they had no idea about so count your stars she hasn’t done that.

The Ex stole things from your BFs bedroom?
It's a shame that's resulted in no contact for 2 years.

@sandy I think the ex came with son and cleared son’s room.

@Rockchic7 I know that things are never simple with parents and children and there are tons of sensitivities but the quality of his relationships with his sons seems so low that he’d surely be happier taking the risk? The current one sounds like he is just using his Dad, which is sad.

Mumoftwo1994- Omg you can't believe the nerve of some people, having you post sent to someone else's house!

I just think it's a shame for ss that she is the way she is. He was quite shy when I first met him but he had really come out of his shell and turned into a bit of a social butterfly but since meeting her it's like he's gone backwards and only really sees her and her family.

MeridianB - yeah bf middle son got his mom and her friend to help him take everything from his bedroom expensive computer, gaming chair, desk, tv etc all paid for by his dad. I can't see them patching things up as his son has such a bad attitude.

I think bf has spoilt his kids so they seen him as a money tree or just a soft touch. I think bf has tried to over compensate for separating from their mom