Ex expecting maintenance for DC at uni?

[Monst3ra]

DH has lowered ex's maintenance to account for eldest DC is now at uni. Ex has told DH that she is giving DC a monthly amount and she expects DH to now give her half of the amount she has decided to give DC.

DC is 19.

Is it unreasonable for DH to have agreed his own way of financially helping directly with DC rather than via ex?

Money should go directly to any adult child over 18 - end of. However some parents may not see 3rd level as a necessity so for that reason I got support to the end of 3rd level written into my divorce contract. Exh continues to give me maintenance which I match and transfer both amounts to ds at the start of every month. Ds then supplements this through part time work & summer jobs. I honestly wouldn't mind exh giving the money directly to ds as I don't touch a penny if it anyway but he trusts me & doesn't like the 'hassle' of financial matters - so although exh technically pays me the maintenance it goes directly to ds iyswim.
Ds has 2 homes to return to but lives elsewhere, so I alone don't have to maintain a home for him. Rps using that excuse is only relevant if the adult child is commuting to 3rd level from the rp's home.

But if the NRP is supporting the child direct through maintenance then the young adult can pay that towards their RP for keep or get a job during the holidays.

The only time I'd say the NRP really needs to reconsider is if (for example) they paid £250 a month through maintenance and are contributing just £50 a month whilst in uni.
Their child is paying for food and rent etc at uni and that's what the costs cover.

But there's also the point to remember that many parents who reside together don't support the child financially through uni because they can't afford it.

Uni grants are for 42 weeks at £200 a week this cover rent and food.
If it was anything different there will be paperwork ask to see it.
Also the only s plenty of time said child/adult can work, lots have too.
Ex needs to accept CS has finished.

@Soontobe60 Hahahaha the Student Loan is not even close to more than enough to live on. It barely covers rent payments. Depending on the course they may not be able to get a job around it.

The DC is at Uni but they are still in education, and it’s up to both parents to financially support that.

Assuming that child maintenance is being dealt with by CMS he is doing the right thing. Calculate the new CMS for the reduced number of children and pay that to the ex and pay to the eldest child what the agreement is. Mother cannot apply for court ordered maintenance for a child in higher education. It is for the child themselves to apply.

If however CM has always been paid under a court order (and neither parent has taken it to CMS) it really edepends on what the order says. If it says to completion of secondary education then carry on. If not, and its payable until completion of territory or higher education it is technically still payable under the order, although if it gets back to court the judge is likely to approve a new payment schedule based on CMS and the agreement.

Has op gone?

Now the DC is an adult and had chosen uni of course maintenance has stopped. It now turns into an amount that the DF wants to give to help them through, if any.

They are 19, probably have access to grants and are able to get a job whilst studying. It's not about the fact this adults parents no longer live together, its a father with an adult child that might be in a position to help out.

I think we don't know enough. Maybe it is part if the amount the government expects you to give- students from families on higher incomes get reduced student loans to reflect this. Admittedly not much higher incomes!

University is only just over 50% of the year, so who does he expect to pay the housing and food costs of his DC for the other

I had moved out of home at 19 years old, without the support of either parent. As people have mentioned, the child has chosen to go to Uni, as did I for 1 year then decided to commit to full time work, they do offer maintenance loans/ grants etc. and most if not all of my friends worked through Uni.

Unless there is a court order agreed to cover this time I think it's up to DH to support child how he wishes, don't believe ex is entitled to anything at this point.

A lot of people are making the assumption that the child has gone away to uni. They could be living at home. There's not enough detail on here to make a judgement call. As for unilaterally deciding finances, the father did that also by stopping maintenance.

Two issues - term time and vacations.

Term time , the father needs to pay the student directly.

Vacation time - I’m assuming that the student lives with the father 50% of the time. If not, then he needs to give money to the mother to support the student during holidays.

Even parents who can’t afford to support their child at uni usually feed and house then during vacations. It doesn’t say much for the father if he’s not even willing to do that.

My DD is a uni student and has friends in this position ie dad doesn’t give them anything at all, even though he can afford to , because he’s not compelled in law. These kids all hate their dads, they are not stupid, they can see that mum supports them while dad acts like a big shot with a hundred quid for Christmas but nothing the other 51 weeks.

One has stopped seeing her dad at all because of his selfishness. He thinks he punishing his ex by refusing to support the child but he’s poisoned his relationship with his DD.

He’s a partner in a law firm and thought he was smart, getting a divorce settlement that stopped child support at 18. Yeah he’s kept the money but he’s lost his oldest child and the youngest will probably do the same when she’s older.

@DontLettuceBrexitLettuceRomain I would advocate that adult dcs support themselves the other 50% of the year through summer jobs, holiday work etc. And if they're living at home during their off time from college then they use that money to contribute to household costs!

@Magda72 Spot on. We were paying our parents rent at 18 years old, part of growing up.

Yes you do if they are still in education

if its college, not if its uni.

@KristinaM there are not two issues. The adult child gets maintenance of their dad and this should cover the full year. As appropriate the adult child pays their way if they stay in their mother's house. This is part of the adult child growing up and the ex, the mother, needs to realise the maintenance is not her income but her adult child's while they are in full-time tertiary education.

*University is only just over 50% of the year, so who does he expect to pay the housing and food costs of his DC for the other

kristinaM he has very shallow children then doesn't he, that's a shame.

When step dd went to uni we just changed the standing order of the CSA agreed amount, it now goes directly to step dd. Exw gives nothing 🤐

My dad paid me directly at uni to support me. Through his choice not my mums

In the holidays the son can give when he gets from his dad, to his mum.

Or he could do what most students do, and get a job. Supermarkets, pubs and many places take in students just during holiday time.

well the mum continues to pay for the house (that houses his child) for the full year, even if the child is only there half of the year. The father's obligation is pay maintenance to house and feed the child. Why shouldn't the father continue to pay the mother to fund the housing costs?

Once the mother can downsize then the father is off the hook.

My mortgage is the same even without my son in the house. What should I do? Sell the house and have nowhere for my son to come back to?

The father would be.

He would be paying towards housing the uni student when he was away. The student give the money to the mum when he is back.

Are you suggesting the father should pay towards both the student and his exwife maintaining the home there as well?

When does that stop, what if the children dont ever move out? The exh should fund that home forever?

What if multiple children go to uni. The exh should pay the same amount to his ex wifes house, plus pay to support all the children at uni too? How would that even work?

The exwife, in this situation has specifically asked for half towards what she giving towards her son. Not towards her towards her own home? She just wants it to come through them.

Your mortgage might but other costs go down.

And in the holidays, the mother gets the money from the son for food, utilities etc. When costs go back up.