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Original poster

Ex expecting maintenance for DC at uni?

197 replies

Monst3ra · 26/11/2019 21:18

DH has lowered ex's maintenance to account for eldest DC is now at uni. Ex has told DH that she is giving DC a monthly amount and she expects DH to now give her half of the amount she has decided to give DC.

DC is 19.

Is it unreasonable for DH to have agreed his own way of financially helping directly with DC rather than via ex?

OP posts:
areyouafraidofthedark · 26/11/2019 21:22

At 19 I would expect to be dealing with the father directly not going through the mother.

MsRomanoff · 26/11/2019 21:27

Did she never discuss this with your dh?

Like 'I think we should give x amount between us for uni, do you want to give it to me or straight to DC?'

Assuming she didnt, I think that your dh is doing the right thing giving money directly to the dc.

hsegfiugseskufh · 26/11/2019 21:31

She cant expect anything from him. Dh has done entirely the right thing dealing directly with the 19yo.

Elieza · 26/11/2019 21:31

Ex should have discussed prior rather than expect DH to dance to her tune.

If I was dh I’d be paying dc direct not to her. Unless there was a good reason why, like he’s a bit of a drinker so she buys all his food shopping and stocks his fridge up rather than giving him cash. Unless she has a good reason like that she can get lost. Sounds like she’s wanting to keep some of the money for herself?

ColaFreezePop · 26/11/2019 21:37

Unless there is a court order your DH needs to sort out any maintenance he is giving to the 19 year old with that young adult directly.

He then needs to tell his ex hat he is only giving her maintenance for their children under 19 who are not in higher education. He doesn't need to engage with her otherwise and shouldn't as clearly it is an issue that is or is liable to cause conflict between them.

It is then up to the young adult to tell their mother what money they are receiving from different sources if they so choose.

SandyY2K · 26/11/2019 22:44

She can't demand how much he gives the DD at Uni.

I don't see why he would give any amount for his DD to the Ex at this stage of life.

How did she come up with the figure? Based on what figures?

As

Sotiredofthislife · 27/11/2019 06:35

Do you expect the ex to support her whilst she is at uni by keeping her home open to her for around 5 months of the year?

YouJustDoYou · 27/11/2019 06:39

You don't need to give maintenance past 18.

YouJustDoYou · 27/11/2019 06:39

However it would "nice" of him to help support his own child still in some aspect, seeing as she is still his child.

CalleighDoodle · 27/11/2019 06:42

Did he agree his own way of supporting his child while he is at uni? And is it a monthly amount of money? Not unreasonable at all to give the child money directly. Completely unreasonable to think providing the means to access higher education is only the mother’s responsibility.

you dont need to give maintenance past 18
Yes you do if they are still in education.

AnnaNimmity · 27/11/2019 06:46

My ex still has to pay maintenance until they leave full time education. I am still maintaining a home for my children which is the main cost. This is in our court order and is fairly standard.

We also have to come to an arrangement about contributing to living expenses for our dc at university - this is on top of maintenance. Just because my ex no longer lives with the children, doesn't mean that he can stop maintaining them. They are still his responsbility And his partner doesn't like that either.

BlackSwanGreen · 27/11/2019 06:47

What will happen during the (long) uni holidays? If DC will be mainly spending them living with his mum, it’s reasonable for her to need financial support for that.

separatedandseething · 27/11/2019 07:06

*My ex still has to pay maintenance until they leave full time education. I am still maintaining a home for my children which is the main cost. This is in our court order and is fairly standard.

We also have to come to an arrangement about contributing to living expenses for our dc at university - this is on top of maintenance. Just because my ex no longer lives with the children, doesn't mean that he can stop maintaining them. They are still his responsbility And his partner doesn't like that either.*

^^ The CSA told me that my ex partner was not obligated to support uni child and that they had no power to enforce this.

cocomelon23 · 27/11/2019 07:11

Child maintenance service do not instruct NRP to pay maintenance past A Levels. It may be in court orders etc on divorce for some individuals but it's not standard.

NiceViper · 27/11/2019 07:11

University vacations are 22 weeks of the year.

Where does his DC live during those weeks?

Because if she is covering nearly half the year, then yes I think there will be expenses attached to that and he needs to continue

Yes, YABU to think that it was OK to make the changes unilaterally.

How and by how much to support a young person at university should be discussed and agreed by the parents. Not decreed by one and imposed on the other.

AnnaNimmity · 27/11/2019 07:15

we have a court order @separatedandseething

He still feels that it's ok to ignore it though - he doesn't pay our eldest dc anything at university and regularly misses payments to me. But in theory it continues during university years!

pumpkinpie01 · 27/11/2019 07:19

I would expect the maintenance to go straight to the child when they are are at uni and in an ideal world a contribution from the father in school holidays. ( although my ex decided maintenance stopped at 16Shock)

sandgrown · 27/11/2019 07:21

If the child is in advanced education( above A level ) maintenance is not paid via CMS. There is the option to apply for a court order but in reality many parents make payments direct to the child for university expenses.

FoamingAtTheUterus · 27/11/2019 07:25

My brother halved the maintenance and gives it directly to my niece.

She has a job. And uni is already paid for (( money was saved from the day dniece was born )) so it seems fair to me.

Matilda2013 · 27/11/2019 07:28

Do the people who ask about maintaining the mothers home so that the child has a home not realise that the dad may also have a home to maintain that is also the child's home? Realistically I think money to support should go directly to the child. Then both parents maintain their homes separately

separatedandseething · 27/11/2019 07:31

Ahh right. My ex gives dd a measly £15 a week (no court order here)...

Soontobe60 · 27/11/2019 07:36

Is everyone forgetting that the dc will also be receiving a maintenance loan whilst at Uni? This will be based on one parent's income only and could possibly be more than enough to live on?
My DDs rarely came home in the holidays, they were too busy travelling!
OP, he should give his DD a set amount each month directly.

TheSerenDipitY · 27/11/2019 07:49

if the CM is detailed in the divorce agreement and to continue until the child/ren are out of education then he should be following the ruling and not making any changes at all without his Ex wifes written agreement... if it is not in any legal document then i guess he can pay it how he chooses ( unless the child is still living at home and travelling to the Uni each day rather than living in a residence at the Uni, then he should continue paying as before) but should maybe mention to the child that during the holidays that they should be paying some sort of board while living at home

Beautiful3 · 27/11/2019 07:52

Depends if that child is still living at home or going away? Mind you, the child will still come home for the holidays? So still needs a little maintenance. Perhaps pay half to child and half to ex?

user1493413286 · 27/11/2019 07:56

When DSD goes to university we expect to give money directly to DSD to support her. At that point I’m not sure what costs her mum would have that we don’t eg. We’d still be maintaining a room for her

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