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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Why would a mother do this ?

141 replies

SharonMitchellsBaby · 18/08/2019 13:50

Currently on holiday with DH and his 2 children . SD is 15 and her Mum sent a message on the day before we were leaving to ask if we would do laundry that night for the daughter . WTF ? Daughter had been away at a sports camp for the week in the UK BUT not the same clothes she would need for here in hot climate .Mother claims she doesn't have drying space where she currently lives.
Why would you do this ? Why would you not encourage SD to be packed and ready to go at the beginning of the week ? When my DH queried it she said she would tell SD we couldn't do it . Why would you do that ?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

ButDoYouAvocado · 19/08/2019 06:21

As for DH doing the laundry yes- in an ideal world - but I am sure many of you know the reality is that it would fall to me even if he or SD attempted to do it .

That needs addressing.

I can see why you would be annoyed an extra job has landed in your lap just before you go away actually, especially if she has form for spoiling things. I'd use it as an opportunity to she DSD (and DH) how the machine works. Have a lovely holiday.

barryfromclareisfit · 19/08/2019 06:27

No woman would be telling me to do her washing - not happening, mate.

The daughter should be responsible for her own washing at 15. She just needs access to the wash/dry facilities.

SD1978 · 19/08/2019 06:34

Has she been at camp, or going to camp? If she's been, when did she get home in comparison to leaving on your holiday? Do you have more space for drying clothes? Is one load of washing really worth this much miffedness? If I didn't have time/space and my ex wasn't a complete arsehole, I would also ask- although given your reaction I'm suprised she did as surely she must have known you'd blow up about it.

NoNoNoOohmaybe · 19/08/2019 06:43

So you've allowed a situation whereby a grown man has managed not to take responsibility for the laundry but you're pissed off at his ex wife for asking a favour?

You're angry at the wrong person.

FuckFacePlatapus · 19/08/2019 06:45

She is going on holiday with her dad so why should he not sort her holiday clothes out?

Surely you booked in advance so your DH has no excuse to gave have not bought or sorted her anything out?

WitchyMcpooface · 19/08/2019 07:12

Gosh it was hard work burning all that money last night phew 😅

Pinkybutterfly · 19/08/2019 07:24

I would have taken the clothes to a laundry place Nd get them dry...it's a lot easier

SockMachine · 19/08/2019 07:46

“As for DH doing the laundry yes- in an ideal world - but I am sure many of you know the reality is that it would fall to me even if he or SD attempted to do it .”

Interesting that throughout this thread you clearly think a 15 year old girl should be doing her own washing (she should) but that you accept that your DH can’t manage more than an ‘attempt’.

Who knows why the Mum asked. You shouldn’t be the one picking up the extra labour but I am sure you can say “shall I show you how to use the washing machine, DSD?”

Biancadelrioisback · 19/08/2019 08:11

Using a washing machine is hardly difficult....I don't think anyone has ever 'shown' me how to do it. And how can't a fully grown man use his own washing machine? That's like me saying I can't use my own vacuum cleaner. If it baffles him that much, get a simpler one that he can use and don't be a martyr.

cookingonwine · 19/08/2019 08:26

I am really interested in the fact that having separate wardrobes isn't a thing? I have 3 stepchildren and we have to buy clothes for our house ... so in effect they have two sets of everything ... even though my DH pays maintenance we don't see any of the benefits of it. The BM won't even send spare school uniforms ... but that's another issue.

But I am surprised you haven't brought the child holiday clothes. And I am also shocked you find it a hassle to washing and dry some clothes ... talk about making the child feel wanted and welcomed.

Cockadoodledooo · 19/08/2019 08:56

As for DH doing the laundry yes- in an ideal world - but I am sure many of you know the reality is that it would fall to me even if he or SD attempted to do it

Well I'm afraid that one is down to you op. You are facilitating the uselessness. It's not normal, no. My husband and 15yo ds are both capable of laundry and do it fully (putting a load on, hanging it to dry, folding and putting away - though we all put our own away). My 9yo ds can also operate the machine, including getting the powder/softener in the right places. He can't reach the line to hang it out though.

So the fact that your family "aren't capable" is because you're an enabler. Or a martyr.

WitchyMcpooface · 19/08/2019 08:58

Reference separate wardrobes: I guess it depends on how often u have your SC. I certainly did not have separate wardrobes. I certainly did not buy holiday clothes. We had our SD for 456 hours a year (average) her BM has her 8304. Essentials yes, separate wardrobe god no! 😆 . I find that hysterically funny.

cookingonwine · 19/08/2019 09:01

We have the children EOW and every Wednesday night ... 🤷‍♀️

hsegfiugseskufh · 19/08/2019 09:38

for growing children I think having separate wardrobes is an insane waste of money and effort. I think its usually because one or both parents are being petty, tbh.

If parents are not knob heads, there should be no need. It did not traumatise me as a child taking clothes from my mums to my dads, and vice versa.

gottagetouttahere · 19/08/2019 11:47

As for DH doing the laundry yes- in an ideal world - but I am sure many of you know the reality is that it would fall to me even if he or SD attempted to do it .

Well that's certainly not the ex's problem. Why would their "attempts" require you to step in? That would be a choice you made, no one else.

cookingonwine · 19/08/2019 11:52

@JoanMavisIcecreamGirl .., thank you and I couldn't agree more ... I do think my DH exW is a knob head for doing this ... but at least the children have decent clothes here and don't look like they have just been dragged through a bush backwards.

NavyBerry · 19/08/2019 12:01

I would be embarrassed if adults were chatting about my dirty laundry. It shouldn't bother anyone but a 15yo

WitchyMcpooface · 19/08/2019 12:03

😆 knob head

CCquavers · 19/08/2019 12:10

Some mothers like to make life shit for step mums. How many fathers with partners do the laundry? How many15 year olds do laundry other than clothes they ‘need’ to wear to friends house etc. If all the men and all the kids did their own laundry this wouldn’t be an issue.

sue51 · 19/08/2019 12:12

Asking you to put the washing machine on is hardly making life shit.

TheRLodger · 19/08/2019 12:15

Were clothes worn during the camp all being worn during the holiday. These clothes had to be washed between trips. If this is the case yabu

Wehttam · 19/08/2019 12:16

Are you the wicked resentful stepmother? Playing devils advocate the dad should have insisted if not you then he does it after all she is his daughter. What else do you resent doing?

Weezol · 19/08/2019 12:20

As for DH doing the laundry yes- in an ideal world - but I am sure many of you know the reality is that it would fall to me even if he or SD attempted to do it

No it wouldn't. You either enjoy playing the martyr or you need to have a word with DH and make a few changes at home.

Original poster

SharonMitchellsBaby · 19/08/2019 13:03

I do the laundry , he does the garden and the cars- sorry we're not a cool couple ( not ) .

sue51 your comment shows that you don't get the fact that it is NOT the laundry itself - it is the principle behind it , it's the EXW pathetic attempts at trying to spoil any occasion for us with her childlike behaviour . I can see there are a few people here who get it but I didn't realise how much venom there was aimed at SMs on here . I see it now.

OP posts:

sue51 · 19/08/2019 13:07

The laundry is a tiny thing. If there are ongoing problems with the mother, I would pick my battles carefully or it could be used as further ammunition for her.

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