Wasn't sure whether to post here or relationships but looking for some advice on my situation about cheating ex and what to tell DD.
I have a 10 year old DD with x husband, we split up 5 years ago when he cheated on me over a period of months with another woman who he is still with and they have a 5 month old daughter together.
I admit my relationship with ex wasn’t great and we wasn’t good for each other but I was devastated when it all happened and he was caught out. It was a horrible time for me and I really struggled. I am happier now with the most amazing partner and I’ve never been happier. If you’d told me that 4.5 years ago though I would never have believed it!
Ex didn’t introduce our daughter to the OW for ages and I thought it would fizzle out but after a year or so he introduced them and now ex and OW live together and have a baby, who my daughter absolutely adores but does love coming home to some peace and quiet when she comes home!
Ex has DD about 30-40% and it changes depending when I’m working and he’s working, we both work shifts. Everything is very amicable now and has been for a good 3 years or so, we never needed to go to court or anything always just sorted everything ourselves. He is a good dad, DD adores him and as far as I can tell, she really adores OW too who has now very much taken on roll of step mum!
I’ve never bad mouthed OW to DD, and she has no idea how or why we broke up other than that we argued a lot and split up. She was 5 so doesn’t really remember but does remember us arguing.
What I want advice on is what to say to her as she gets older.. she’s said a few things lately in conversation about cheating, not about her dad but in general conversations about whatever, and I know one day it will possibly be known to her that that’s what her dad did.
Should I tell her? Should I just avoid the conversation if it gets brought up? Should I ‘cover for him’ to protect her until she’s old enough to fully understand ?
I’m worried about how she will process it all, I worry that if she finds out in her teenage years how it’ll affect her relationship with her dad, and now that she has a sibling with the OW as mother, I don’t want her relationship with her sister to be affected when she’s older through any feelings she may develop about the OW because of what happened. Processing something like this as a teenager is likely going to be much harder for her than as an adult but I also don’t want to keep it from her and have her find out as an adult that her dad cheated on me AND then I lied to her for years!
I feel so conflicted because on the one hand, I hate this woman and think she deserves everyone to know what she did , but on the other hand, I don’t want my dd’s relationships to be affected badly.