I’ve just come out of a relationship and have been reading people’s stories on this forum.
I know kids don’t ask for their parents to break up and meet someone new. I appreciate that’s tough. However, I do feel that people get a hard time on here when they say they dislike their stepchildren. We’re only human! It isn’t easy when you’re doing your best in return to be totally unappreciated and looked down on.
My ex partner of 4 years had 4 children, 2 older children from one relationship, 2 children from another (boy 13, girl 12). He has them eow and one evening a week. We never lived together. At first everything was great. Got on with them well, never tried to be their mum, never in their face. We introduced my two children (dd14 and ds13) and all was good. Dp’s daughter loved me, was always filming me videos telling me how much she loved me, wanted to call me mum and was constantly saying how she wanted me & her dad to get married.
About a year in the boy started to be rude to me and dp did not correct him.
We had many rows about this and it wasn’t perfect but things improved. Nearly two years ago we went on a holiday. Dp’s son was a nightmare - when dp did correct him he would scream he hated his dad and he was a rubbish dad and he never wanted to see him again. It got to the point where all three other kids had had enough of him too. After him consistently carrying on without any correction from dp I lost it and told him off. He argued back. We did manage to sort it out but it did cause problems for me and dp.
A few weeks after that dp’s daughter was very off with me and went to her bedroom & stayed there all day. She kept asking to go to her nan’s (her mum was away for the weekend). In the evening dp told me that she didn’t like me. I went to have a chat with her and ask her what I’d done. She was so cold and unfeeling and said she just didn’t like me but wouldn’t give me a reason. I was so upset I went home with my two kids. Dp’s older daughter was crying about it and hugged me goodbye.
I gave dp’s daughter space, didn’t visit when she was there then she stopped seeing her dad altogether. Said he’d told her off for the way she’d been to me. She also admitted to reading a message to me on his mobile where he said a child shouldn’t split us up. She told him he’d chosen me over her and that if he didn’t split up with me she wouldn’t see him again. She told him she wouldn’t cry at his funeral. She cut all his side of the family off.
That was 18 months ago. Since then dp has seen her a handful of times. He messages her positively and for the most part has been totally ignored. She did send him a message to say she couldn’t bare to see me again and was surprised he was still with me (towards the end of last year). Dp’s ex said it had nothing to do with her and was keeping out of it but did agree to take her to counselling at the beginning but it didn’t assist in her wanting to see dp.
Dp and I had a great relationship. We only ever rowed about this issue & Ive walked out many a time out of feeling a sense of responsibility but always went back because I missed and loved him.
Last week dp received a text from his daughter to say she wanted to see him at the weekend. Naturally he was delighted but it hit me that I could never like or trust this child again. Yes, I know I’m the grown up and there must be underlying issues but it made me realise that she may still not want me in her life and Im not prepared to hang around waiting to see dp when she’s not around.
So I ended it. Dp has never wanted to break up with me over this but he’s stuck in the middle of a situation and Ive realised that his 12 year old daughter needs her dad far more than I need a boyfriend. Life sucks sometimes!