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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

Should I have the step-children while hubby goes on holiday?

97 replies

Shellyflower · 28/02/2019 08:58

AIBU?? I found out from my hubby’s best friend that he’d arranged to go on a golf holiday for 9 days in Florida with his mates and he’d not even talked about it with me.
He’s the main breadwinner and I said that whilst I couldn’t really say no (he’d already paid a deposit) that as long as I didn’t have to have the stepchildren and that we could afford it then I’d be ok with it.
My stepson is 3 and my stepdaughter is 7 and I have a daughter of 8. We have the stepkids every Wednesday overnight and Friday to Monday every other weekend. The holiday falls so that hubby is back on the Sunday afternoon of what should be our weekend. I just can’t physically be in 3 places at the same time for school pick up and drop off but I don’t think he’s thought about that.
I have the children when he’s golfing for 8 hours at weekends and tbh I’m looking forward to a bit of time off from the stepchildren. I feel guilty saying that and I’ve not admitted it to DH. I can’t afford a holiday away so the chances of me getting a break are nil. I just think I needed to get my thoughts out there and see what other people think!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Hollowvictory · 28/02/2019 09:00

You married some who pays for themselves to go on holiday but not you?
Big mistake. HUGE.

Original poster

Shellyflower · 28/02/2019 09:01

OP posts:

Westiegirl3 · 28/02/2019 09:01

What a selfish man you married that only pays for himself to go on holiday

7yo7yo · 28/02/2019 09:02

So he’s a financially abusive twat?

ineedaholidaynow · 28/02/2019 09:03

What do you mean you can’t afford a holiday? Don’t holidays come from shared finances? Also why hasn’t he told you about this holiday?

OpiesOldLady · 28/02/2019 09:03

Fuck no.

Has he actually told you about the holiday yet? He's planning to Fuck off on his jollies for nine days and reckons you'll just do as you're told? Hell no!

And he leave you with his children whilst he ducks off all day playing golf? You're not a wife. You're free childcare and a skivvy. Fuck that.

Karigan195 · 28/02/2019 09:05

Hang on so he’s paying for a golfing holiday in FLORIDA just for himself. You can’t afford a holiday at all and on top of that he’s leaving his kids with you? Plus did not speak to you about it first. What a total absolute wanker!

Whatever you decide would pale into insignificance in the face of his unreasonableness

Original poster

Shellyflower · 28/02/2019 09:07

I think it’s ok as long as we have a family holiday too.

OP posts:

Sardonicsnape · 28/02/2019 09:07

What a dick

ineedaholidaynow · 28/02/2019 09:09

Does he take the step kids on holiday too? Can’t imagine they will be too impressed that dad’s gone to Florida without them

PolarBearDisguisedAsAPenguin · 28/02/2019 09:10

As all the PP have said.

I think it’s fine for you to not have your stepchildren but your DH might need to pay for the childcare to look after them instead considering his ex wife might also have planned something on the basis they are not with her over that time, so it will be his responsibility to sort it out.

tattooq · 28/02/2019 09:10

He's a total dickhead, there is so much wrong in this situation. My DP is no angel, and can be horrendously selfish, but when he booked a few days away for himself he did the same for me.

LovingLola · 28/02/2019 09:10

I have the children when he’s golfing for 8 hours at weekends

I mean no disrespect to you at all and you sound very nice but what a bastard he is. His children should come before golfing at weekends. And how dare he book and pay for a holiday to Florida with his mates without even discussing it with you.

WineGummyBear · 28/02/2019 09:11

It's not really an equal and respectful relationship where one party spend lots of cash on a holiday for themselves and the other party doesn't get a holiday because they can't afford it. That's not a partnership at all.

To be expected to pick up all the parenting duties in his absence on top of that is beyond the pale.

He's showing you very clearly who his priority is.

Original poster

Shellyflower · 28/02/2019 09:13

Actually you’ve all pretty much summed up how I’ve been feeling ever since I found out from his friends about it. I just wanted to feel justified in being angry and disappointed in a man I thought I knew. And thank you...now I do.
He’s a good dad and a brilliant stepdad to my kids (I have 2 older children who have flown the nest) but I’m a bit hormonal at the mo and keep feeling guilty for having negative feelings towards my husband.

OP posts:

OpiesOldLady · 28/02/2019 09:17

No, he's not a good dad. A good dad doesn't simply assume 'er indoors will sort his children out whilst he fucks off to Florida to play golf on a holiday he paid a deposit for without thinking to consult his wife.

Holidayshopping · 28/02/2019 09:22

He sounds like a wanker.

Have you now talked about it with him? Does he know that you are not going to have his children or is he going to leave them with you anyway?

Holidayshopping · 28/02/2019 09:25

I have 2 older children who have flown the nest

Yours have grown up, yet he expects you to spend 8-hour days at your weekends looking after his kids so he can play golf??

Are you his wife or the hired help?!

lunar1 · 28/02/2019 09:25

Don't kid yourself that this is what a good dad looks like. Or a good husband for that matter.

Child care is completely down to him for this, not you or his ex, but honestly this man has no respect for you or his children. You can do better.

FuerzaAreaUruguay · 28/02/2019 09:28

He’s a good dad and a brilliant stepdad to my kids (I have 2 older children who have flown the nest) but I’m a bit hormonal at the mo and keep feeling guilty for having negative feelings towards my husband.

The fuck he is! He's a shit dad. He puts himself first doesn't bother considering his kids over his fucking hobby. You are a convenient skivvy and childminder to him. Now you see why his ex wife divorced him, he's a self-absorbed twat with an enabler, you.

He CBAd with his kids.

I'd go nuclear at him and tell him he needs to arrange childcare during his holiday, but then, I'd not have put up with his behaviour before this to begin with.

SureTry · 28/02/2019 09:31

So when is he going to tell you about this holiday then? If I was you, I'd start making arrangements to be unavailable when he's gone.

Singlenotsingle · 28/02/2019 09:35

Tell him it's not on and you're not doing it. He should have discussed it with you first and he'll just have to lose the deposit. He didn't even tell you? You had to find out from his friend?

And anyway, surely contact means contact for the dsc with their father, not with his new wife so what's all that about - him leaving them with you for 8 hours at weekends?

Tactfulish · 28/02/2019 09:36

This reply has been deleted

The OP has now deregistered, as they have privacy concerns. We have agreed to take this down at their request.

funinthesun19 · 28/02/2019 10:34

No way are you being unreasonable.

3 options:

He doesn’t go.
He does go but arranges appropriate childcare for his children.
Their mum has them.

He’s put you in a very awkward position and it’s not fair!

martinidry · 28/02/2019 10:37

A good dad spends contact time with his children. A good dad doesn't spend 8 hours of contact time playing golf while his wife acts as unpaid childcare.

About golfing holiday contact, this is nothing to do with you. His holiday, his children, his ex, his problem. You are not his childminder.

Do you get on with his ex? Can you call her and ask her if she's aware that her children won't be at your house between this date and that date? Either it's news and she gets the advance warning or she'll know already. In either case she'll know then to make appropriate alternative arrangements with your husband which don't involve you. No way should you tolerate this user of a man.

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