Did you get a card or present from your sc?

[snowman72]

Just wondering whether any of you received anything from your step children, I never get anything from mine not a card a mention on his card, never do on Birthdays, xmas, any occasion and rightly or wrongly it gets to me.

I've been in their life now 6 years, we all live together well they are with us 50% of the time, me and their dad are married. My own 2 dcs got my husband a small present and wrote in a card thank u for being a great step dad! Which I thought was lovely, but it just made me sad as I got nothing. I know it's partly dh fault but I'm really just wondering what other step parents get or do? My sc are 13 and 15 my dcs are 12 and 15

I hate that expression, be the adult! It's not really about being given a present, it's more the thought or manners, I feel I don't exist sometimes

I've scrolled too quickly through this thread, but in my view this is for your DH to sort out and take his kids shopping for a present for you(I don't think they're too old for that TBH, but that's just me) and for DH to chivvy them to choose/get something. In my household I take my DSD 11 and DD 2 shopping to get something each for their dad, likewise DO takes them both to get something for me and also DSD's Mum. DSD also shops with her mum for something for DP. So DSD gives 2 gifts to her dad  I wouldn't expect DSD's mum to take her to get something for me or our DD.

@snowman I know but the plain truth is steps always have to take that attitude, we do not have the same rights as "parents" whatever we do.

For me it took many years to come to terms with but, really fortunately, my DSC are great and I have a great relationship with them, but I had to spend a decade being the adult.
Hope it gets better for you xx

same old same old, be the adult....

Sorry but that just comes across as really dismissive of others feelings. Being an adult doesn't mean your feelings don't matter.

Well what does being the adult mean? Yeh of course I've been the bigger person in situations but just because I'm the adult doesn't mean I don't have feelings. I don't always show those feelings though, does that make me an adult

@ChristmasFlary

@SandyY2K - l did say to ds1 that it wasn't up to me to do it and he should ask his Dad. I told him l really was not happy with the situation but as he was so scared that his Dad would be cross if he didn't get her a gift, I'd do it on this occasion

It says a lot that he was scared what his dad would say. At his age...surely your DH knows he wouldn't be able to buy a gift by himself.

@msevs

DH insisted this year that I give them money in cards just from me, on top of the gifts bought from both of us

How weird. Was it your money? Or did he give you the money to put in the card s for them?

I'm wondering if they (SC) just think your name is added on and may have said something... so he wanted to show the cash was from you.

This is really on your DP. Teenagers have a tendency to be selfish.

The parents have to direct them. My SIL who is SM to my niece and nephews, was telling me how she pretty much frogmarched the DC to the shops (and gave them the money) to buy a decent gift for my DB on his birthday....as she said they'd bought something that wasn't good enough ....and told them that my DB gave a lot of thought into gifts he bought them.

I don't really agree with that approach...I would have expressed my view .... but SMs can take it the wrong way...so I left it.

It's the thought...not the value of the gift IMO.

My point being...it needs to be driven by the parent.

Your SC are taking their lead from their dad. He doesn't give a toss, so it isn't really a surprise that they don't think they need to consider you.

Yeh see I don't really care if I get a present it's just acknowledgment that I exist really, they did bother with their mums partner who's been around for a year, they even sent him a happy Father's Day text. I get no acknowledgment at all, they've just walked in the house no hello or anything, but I'm being over sensitive now I know

Spoke to EH tonight about the children getting OW a gift from them and he hadn't got one as he didn't want to "force" them too.

I thought the same, that DSCs had mentioned something to DH about my name just being added on to gifts. DH would never admit if they had though. I just think it’s even stranger for him to request it this year because although we have been together 10+ years, we only got married and opened a joint account 18 months ago, so it made even less sense to give them money just from me. I am puzzled to be honest. I’m not sure if he’s thinking if there is a present specifically from me that DSCs might get me something next time, but I won’t hold my breath!

I would be sooo tempted to go on strike to be honest. If they (DP and his kids) can’t be bothered to acknowledge you, let your DP do all the parenting grunt work. You will stop feeling taken advantage of and you will have more time and energy to give to yourself and your own kids. Possibly it would help them realise all you do for them, but at least they would see you don’t owe them anything just for existing. One way relationships are not sustainable. And your DP is being a bit of a shit.

Every year I take my two shopping and give them money to buy presents. I always make sure they buy for their dad, stepmum and new half brother.

It has never once been reciprocated by my ex and his partner. I did get a present from the kids this year but it was from the money I gave them. I think what bothers me the most is that my.ex knows my parents are dead and I have little family so that there is no one else to do it.

I’ve never got anything from my bf’s daughter although she’s 4 so I can’t blame her. I just assume she will only ever buy for her mum.

Yeh see I don't really care if I get a present it's just acknowledgment that I exist really, they did bother with their mums partner who's been around for a year, they even sent him a happy Father's Day text.

It could be the "honeymoon" period. My SD gave me her picture on my birthday only once, the first year she knew me, she was 8. Not anymore. But her mother had a new boyfriend last year, who doesn't even live with them and she seemed very much into him, sending him hellos, taking selfies with him, etc. I did feel a bit bad as I was taking care of her when she was here, whereas a male boyfriend who doesn't live with her mom certainly doesn't do much to take care of her. But I guess it's just children's nature to take familiar people for granted.