Aibu to be upset

[Lovelife12345]

So my partner was asked when we can have the girls over Christmas. We have just got our rota and said we could do
Friday 28-Saturday 29th (our Friday to have them and he could drop them back with me)
Friday 28-Sunday 30th (he's working 8-3 and then I am working 5-11pm so would take them on my own)
Friday 28th- either 1st or 2nd January (dependent on our rota)

So the ex wife has said no we can only have them overnight if we book a hotel in the home town and have them there as she has plans (although told us she kept our weekend to have them free.) Hitels are stupidly expensive at Christmas and I have work the Saturday. So my partner is going in the Friday, I will have to find a babysitter somehow Saturday and return Saturday night: they will sleep on his mums sofa and air bed. She's not happy only because the ex won't allows them to us. The girls asked and we just said 'mummy said she has plans so you can't this time.'

So we went yesterday for our visit day, and took the presents up to save him taking them all up on the train and I bought half of them (said I wouldn't but didn't like the thought of them going without.) so we let the girls open half of them so I could see them. Cue the ex wife got stroppy about it and says it's unfair that the girls got presents from us before her. Although hers are from 'santa.' Then she did send a stroppy text because the girls asked why they couldn't stay at daddies and why mummy wasn't letting them see Santa with daddy. (We were visiting FIL yesterday and he asked what I was buying boys with their Christmas money from him and I explained we were going to a local amusement park, nothing big just a few small rides and animals and indoor play area where they have a ice show, baking with mrs Claus and can pick a toy from a huge room it was £12 for the boys and £5 for adults. A normal Santa grotto around here is £10 so not much different and I said I would sue it to buy them treats there instead of more toys. We asked for girls to go and the mum said no even though I was originally planning it on our Friday so they could have. We didn't realise girls overheard as they were listening from the lounge whilst we were in kitchen and asked us why they weren't going. So we explained mummy had said no.' We were simply being honest and not fair we would be criticised when it wasn't our decision.

The other day the eldest got upset we didn't go to her sports day and her school play (she's the eldest and a daddy's girl) and we had to explain we didn't as we didn't know about it! We only ever get told about the youngest and feels like it's deliberate.

So now she's throwing another strop. Am I being unreasonable to think she shouldnt have said no, and she shouldn't be telling us we can only have them if we book hotels etc and that she doesn't care if I don't see them open their presents and I shouldn't have allowed them too yesterday when I bought them. Does she not see how it's affecting the girls :(. We have really tried we have upped her maintenance to £200 a month now my wages have changed, and we have been talking to her to book a holiday to Butlin's next October just wanting to confirm dates with her as we have got a good deal if we can book in next few days and now again she won't cooperate. We have had a meeting with a solicitor and we are sending a letter Monday stating we want to try mediation, and if that doesn't work then we will go to court for a court order.

Maybe I'm being a little sensitive at the moment, just want the best for everyone and currently undergoing some meetings soon with HV about youngest sons lack of sleep so feeling a little drained :(

@Lovelife12345 we've had this before where DSD has asked why daddy didn't go to her sports day etc (it's solely been because her DM hasn't told him until 20 minutes before it happens and he can't get out of work) so we tell the truth and say because mummy didn't tell us.

I'll probably be ridiculed for saying it but I don't think you're in the wrong but being truthful. I never understand why we should be made out to be the bad people when it's not.

@stokieginge I understand some things in the past we haven't always been great but parenting is learning. And if we couldn't go because we couldn't get time of or couldn't afford to we have told them this, but it's only ever been for the youngest. We never get told about the eldest, I think it's because she is such a daddy's girl and cries for daddy it's perhaps her mums way of trying to get her to become mummy's girl. I think I am
More hurt she expects me to miss Christmas with them and begrudges is giving some
Presents early so I could watch and see as I took the time etc to do it x

Contact the school and get ALL information sent to your partner as well as the children's mum.

Oh goodie, your back, and it involves another day trip funded by a family member. You're doing well at making the mum sound progressively worse with every thread-congratulations. If you spout this stuff enough times about the ex you'll end up believing it yourself!

She don't tell him because she assumes he doesn't care. Come now, don't present your dp as the wronged father. He neglected his children for a long time. It's gonna take a lot for her to think he is trustworthy.

@lunar1 the trio isn't funded by anyone. I paid for the visit to Santa, I am simply using their Christmas money towards if they want to buy something or for anything they want to do whilst they are there that may cost like the trampolines etc as they would enjoy that more. They would still have jr either way but makes sense putting their Christmas money on something they want.

@BlueUggs would he need to prove parental responsibility somehow? Would we nee to get brith cert or anything?

And I'm not wanting to paint her as a monster, I am just asking is it so unreasonable for me to want to watch them
Open their presents and given them half yesterday.. and also to be honest with them as to why they aren't going to something

Go to court, get an order, then you at least know where you stand.

Oh god is this the one where the poster believes the ex wife is constantly in the wrong and is financially carrying the children’s father??

Op you really need to kick this no
Hoper into shape! You deserve better and so do his kids!

@7yo7yo @Oswin is there like a way of searching posts that people have made so I'd understand the digs you're making? Or do I literally have to check each post for the OP

I mean this in the kindest possible way but if what you've posted in all your numerous threads is genuine then you yourself need professional help and guidance for the sake of your step children and your own children.

Anything the op and her prat of a partner want it more than likely unreasonable. These are the people that prioritise the partners coke (fizzy pop) habit over his DD's school shoes and thing that being a reliable parent means not fucking about with the two evenings a month he spend wit them on two consecutive occasions.

@2littleguineas @lunar1 how do I find these posts you speak of! I need the full picture!

@stokieginge don’t know how you search or Link. I’ve seen op post previously and recall her threads.

I'm not sure how to advance search. But there are a few names, and I think some threads got deleted. Anyone know if the castle bed versus the cupboard is still around? Or the DS special branded snack drawer versus the dsd's supermarket own value snacks?

How about the holiday abroad versus complaining about paying £1.50 for a school disco. I'm guessing mentioning the bloody cheeky sod of a dsd wanting a LARGE McDonald's meal would probably cross a line and make me a bitch.

stokie you can search the op full name, I'm assuming she hasn't name changed. I'm not on here a lot but I can easily recognise her threads now. To be honest if I were you, I wouldnt bother looking. I've found the threads upsetting, it seems to me all the children are vulnerable and the op is at best extremely immature/innocent.

Mum didn't tell us?!!!
What's a shit and rather pathetic excuse! Get a weekly newsletter from the school like most parents who actually care! Ffs blame someone else when you can't be arsed!

Op name changes a lot. I think someone still has the picture of the cupboard she had her dsd sleeping in while her son got a castle bed. Op has admitted that because her dp loves her sons, one which isn't his, then she's not that bothered. Even though he has gone long stretches of time without bothering with his daughters.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/stepparenting/3433603-birthdays-and-visits?pg=1&order=
This is the most recent.

@Oswin I've lost an hour of my life reading this crap 🤣

@Helpisneeded13 the one thing I will say is that's easier said than done.

I'm a SM & we've requested that the school send us duplicate correspondence- school reports letters etc. And they don't. All be it I do constantly check the school website for the newsletters and diary dates (but they aren't uploaded for a few weeks after the handout).

This year we've not been told about parents evening. And we never received our copy of the end of year school report for the last school year).

You were told before,to get your partner to contact the school and get his name on the records to get emails and letters from them. Why hasn’t he done that.

Also. You don’t have proper space for them or beds. That’s why he doesn’t want them sleeping over at yours.

Just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse.. Not content with trying to turn mumsnet against the mum (and spectacularly failing I might add) OP and her deadbeat dad of a partner are now trying to get the girls to turn against their mum.

I still think OP might be practicing writing for a play. Maybe a modern day retelling if Cinderella?