Aibu to be upset

[Lovelife12345]

So my partner was asked when we can have the girls over Christmas. We have just got our rota and said we could do
Friday 28-Saturday 29th (our Friday to have them and he could drop them back with me)
Friday 28-Sunday 30th (he's working 8-3 and then I am working 5-11pm so would take them on my own)
Friday 28th- either 1st or 2nd January (dependent on our rota)

So the ex wife has said no we can only have them overnight if we book a hotel in the home town and have them there as she has plans (although told us she kept our weekend to have them free.) Hitels are stupidly expensive at Christmas and I have work the Saturday. So my partner is going in the Friday, I will have to find a babysitter somehow Saturday and return Saturday night: they will sleep on his mums sofa and air bed. She's not happy only because the ex won't allows them to us. The girls asked and we just said 'mummy said she has plans so you can't this time.'

So we went yesterday for our visit day, and took the presents up to save him taking them all up on the train and I bought half of them (said I wouldn't but didn't like the thought of them going without.) so we let the girls open half of them so I could see them. Cue the ex wife got stroppy about it and says it's unfair that the girls got presents from us before her. Although hers are from 'santa.' Then she did send a stroppy text because the girls asked why they couldn't stay at daddies and why mummy wasn't letting them see Santa with daddy. (We were visiting FIL yesterday and he asked what I was buying boys with their Christmas money from him and I explained we were going to a local amusement park, nothing big just a few small rides and animals and indoor play area where they have a ice show, baking with mrs Claus and can pick a toy from a huge room it was £12 for the boys and £5 for adults. A normal Santa grotto around here is £10 so not much different and I said I would sue it to buy them treats there instead of more toys. We asked for girls to go and the mum said no even though I was originally planning it on our Friday so they could have. We didn't realise girls overheard as they were listening from the lounge whilst we were in kitchen and asked us why they weren't going. So we explained mummy had said no.' We were simply being honest and not fair we would be criticised when it wasn't our decision.

The other day the eldest got upset we didn't go to her sports day and her school play (she's the eldest and a daddy's girl) and we had to explain we didn't as we didn't know about it! We only ever get told about the youngest and feels like it's deliberate.

So now she's throwing another strop. Am I being unreasonable to think she shouldnt have said no, and she shouldn't be telling us we can only have them if we book hotels etc and that she doesn't care if I don't see them open their presents and I shouldn't have allowed them too yesterday when I bought them. Does she not see how it's affecting the girls :(. We have really tried we have upped her maintenance to £200 a month now my wages have changed, and we have been talking to her to book a holiday to Butlin's next October just wanting to confirm dates with her as we have got a good deal if we can book in next few days and now again she won't cooperate. We have had a meeting with a solicitor and we are sending a letter Monday stating we want to try mediation, and if that doesn't work then we will go to court for a court order.

Maybe I'm being a little sensitive at the moment, just want the best for everyone and currently undergoing some meetings soon with HV about youngest sons lack of sleep so feeling a little drained :(

I don't see how when we had spoken and planned it anyways, he told the ex wife who was also gappy for girls to go. But suddenly because I was completing the booking as a surprise o am in the wrong and she says no. Talking to my sister in law she thinks it's a lot of jealously, in the 10 years my partner and his ex wife were together they never did things like we do the holidays abroad or days out and never bought each other the gifts we do and that perhaps she thought I wouldn't go ahead and book it as a Christmas present and would wait until after Christmas so then it's not as thoughtful. Everytime he bought me my nails, or the ring etc that I wanted she always makes digs to everyone in the family how he never did it for her. I remember being that woman when my ex husband moved on wondering why he does certain things for this new gf but in time I got over it as obviously we weren't meant to be.

It's just life... and if we do and can do these things for the kids then we will. We have come into A good position now and we will do what we can.

So he can afford to pay for your nails to be done but not buy his kids some fecking school shoes?!

Why can't you see that what you have done isn't a lovely thoughtful surprise. It's nasty and puts him in a horrible situation. Any normal adult would have spoken to their husband the moment they discovered their 'surprise' wasn't going to work as planned.

I'd bet anything you will now come back saying the booking can't be altered without it costing £89.76 and there isn't any suitable accommodation left for the girls to be added anyway. You will even convince yourself and your husband that this is the ex wife's fault.

You should have fucking waited.

I bet your husband and his ex didn't have all theses treats because they lived within their means. I'd estimate that my household earnings are over three times yours and we don't have anywhere near the extravagant life you do-though we can always afford school shoes.

That was the first few months we were together. Not now.. just using that as a example of some of the things and presents he has bought in the past. The thoughts into stuff.

I can't believe you've booked that holiday on purpose so the girls can't go. That was really nasty.

@lunar1 they never had those things as she never saved money.. she never paid the bills so they always had debt collectors at the door and because she would go out with his wages and spend it all up the wall. The amount his mum and family has to help them out because they didn't or couldn't pay the rent! It's pretty normal days out and holidays we always had it when we were younger, we never went without clothes and school shoes or days outs etc... and the boys don't. They don't miss anything they get all they need as that's my job as their mum. I don't expect my eldest dad to do it or provide it as the son lives with me. It's my responsibility and it's what his maintenance is to cover.

@HerondaleDucks either way we were going,. Whether she was letting the girls or not. If she doesn't allow the girls to go that is her bloody issue not mine. I invited them, planned it around school holidays and even on our weekend to have them so it wouldn't impact on the mums weekend to have them. I will be adding them on and just hope the court order comes in place by then and they will be granted to go

The ex will probably be a drug addled domestic abuser by your next thread.

There will be no court order as their lazy father wont do it.

Why not book a holiday for just dad and girls? Allow them some quality time just like he has had with your kids.

Surely if you have four children, but the cost of the holiday you want means you can only afford for two children to come with you then you either keep saving until you can afford all four or you book a cheaper holiday for all of you? Or don’t go and use the money for a hotel to see all the kids over Christmas?

Also £200 a month for two kids and that’s an increase? Less than £25 per week per child. That barely covers lunch money.

So you got what you wanted, another holiday without the girls and another chance to blame their mum.

No she has never done drugs. Have stated in past posts that bills never got paid as she spent it etc... I doubt she would even let it be just them, whether it's just she doesn't like the fact he would be taking them on their first holiday and she isn't there perhaps she wants to first I don't know. Or whether it's part of a game to make him look shit. Well we have written to do mediation which she is refusing so if it carries on then it will be going
To court. I never said we can't afford Butlin's for us all next year. I have the money for the deposit and was going to pay by auto pay each month so it's like a direct debit. If she won't allow them to come there isn't much I can do at this moment in time.

And yes we have increased to £200 which is still more than what csa say it should be..

I thought you said before that all his money went on his gambling addiction and coke habit. Now you're saying the ex spent all his wages when they were together. Its hard to keep up.

either way we were going,. Whether she was letting the girls or not

So, it was never to make up for you going abroad without the girls like you claimed only 4.5 hours ago...

Or whether it's part of a game to make him look shit

He does a pretty great job of doing that himself. It’s the only thing he is great at by the sounds of things.

Oh and prioritising fizzy drinks over his kids.

And treating you to things in those first few months of dating when he wasn’t even bothering to see them at all.

I can’t imagine why the ex would be jealous? She had a lucky escape from him. I only hope if any of this is real that you dump the loser and work on yourself to see why you’re so willing to put up with a man that treats his kids like shit.

Seriously unbelievable.

You make me feel sick.

I feel this ex partner deserves a crown. You can paint her to be the bad guy as much as you like but she's a queen to have put up with all of this. Bet the reason she said no is because somehow you would have let those poor little girls down. You banged on about Butlins for ages and when it really boiled down to it you couldn't even be bothered to wait and persuade that woman that you were going to do something nice for those kids.
So she will say yes and then the girls will be let down again because you've already made the booking and I bet you won't be able to add them to the booking.
Please stop posting on this board, everything about this story is so upsetting. I have two step children and I would never ever ever treat them so appallingly. You are a disgrace and that man is a terrible excuse for a father.

I hope, with all my heart, that this (and all the other threads from the OP) is a wind up. Because I really don't want to believe that anyone could be so spiteful towards two children. Sadly, I think I'm going to be disappointed. 😔 😢

@HerondaleDucks we will be able to add them on and I am planning to do it today when he's at work. And then we will work on convincing her together. But if not I'm sure court will grant it. Ornif she really doesn't budge and court doesn't sort in time then we will look at booking him a room for the night with them somewhere close by to their home town. They will get something.. just feel she is u fair saying no. If she said yes and it got booked we wouldn't let them down as it's booked. I had even started a jar to save pennies for arcades etc so that we wouldn't have to say no. She expressed that she was concerned she would have to give them spending more or we wouldn't buy treats there as usually if we all go out as a family of 6 we take a packed lunch and we don't get ice creams etc. I have guaranteed her that we have the premium food package so they would eat in a restaurant morning and night and that I had saving pot for tips from work and loose change so by the time we went then we would have money for ice creams and arcades. Plus my ex husband always gives spending money for my son whenever he goes away. It will be changed they will be able to be added on. We have got free dining already for boys, and have had a huge discount on room and I get money off code with work so I did ring them yesterday and ask and it would be about £200 to add them on with food.

@SoupDragon the whole reason originally For is going was to make up for the girls not going abroad however when we discussed we said that we wouldn't never let the boys miss out on something if the ex wife said no the girls couldn't as that is not fair on anyone. Everytime we go abroad we will be booking to take the girls somewhere so they will always get a holiday. 2020 holidays have gone live so we want to look at booking it fairly soon to get the kids free place and know what it's costing, it's never going to viable to take them abroad so we have alwaysbsaid for every holiday abroad we will book one for the girls too in their choice of place.we are trying to be fair

I thought you had no money but youre already booking 2020 holidays?

Youre obluviously vile. You're dangerous as you truely belive your own type.

I have had my first wage from my new job, so we have some spare every month to put aside for all the kids for holidays and days out. And for 2020 we would only have to pay deposit now, balance wouldn't be due until April 2020

How on earth are you affording all these holidays? You shouldn’t be living your life on credit and prioritising all these luxuries over the welfare of children. I would suggest if you can afford multiple holidays you can afford more than £200/month for 2 children.

@crumble82 we are already paying above csa calculations so she is getting more than she should. She does still have to contribute too. Our holidays aren't on credit because if we didn't pay we would just lose our deposit we wouldn't have the bailiffs after us. Our May holiday abroad was paid by my mum.. Butlin's I am paying as a Christmas present for everyone. And 2020 we will pay off monthly. Xx

Everytime he bought me my nails

Oh dear God 😂

for every holiday abroad we will book one for the girls too in their choice of place.

Provided it's cheap.