Aibu to be upset

[Lovelife12345]

So my partner was asked when we can have the girls over Christmas. We have just got our rota and said we could do
Friday 28-Saturday 29th (our Friday to have them and he could drop them back with me)
Friday 28-Sunday 30th (he's working 8-3 and then I am working 5-11pm so would take them on my own)
Friday 28th- either 1st or 2nd January (dependent on our rota)

So the ex wife has said no we can only have them overnight if we book a hotel in the home town and have them there as she has plans (although told us she kept our weekend to have them free.) Hitels are stupidly expensive at Christmas and I have work the Saturday. So my partner is going in the Friday, I will have to find a babysitter somehow Saturday and return Saturday night: they will sleep on his mums sofa and air bed. She's not happy only because the ex won't allows them to us. The girls asked and we just said 'mummy said she has plans so you can't this time.'

So we went yesterday for our visit day, and took the presents up to save him taking them all up on the train and I bought half of them (said I wouldn't but didn't like the thought of them going without.) so we let the girls open half of them so I could see them. Cue the ex wife got stroppy about it and says it's unfair that the girls got presents from us before her. Although hers are from 'santa.' Then she did send a stroppy text because the girls asked why they couldn't stay at daddies and why mummy wasn't letting them see Santa with daddy. (We were visiting FIL yesterday and he asked what I was buying boys with their Christmas money from him and I explained we were going to a local amusement park, nothing big just a few small rides and animals and indoor play area where they have a ice show, baking with mrs Claus and can pick a toy from a huge room it was £12 for the boys and £5 for adults. A normal Santa grotto around here is £10 so not much different and I said I would sue it to buy them treats there instead of more toys. We asked for girls to go and the mum said no even though I was originally planning it on our Friday so they could have. We didn't realise girls overheard as they were listening from the lounge whilst we were in kitchen and asked us why they weren't going. So we explained mummy had said no.' We were simply being honest and not fair we would be criticised when it wasn't our decision.

The other day the eldest got upset we didn't go to her sports day and her school play (she's the eldest and a daddy's girl) and we had to explain we didn't as we didn't know about it! We only ever get told about the youngest and feels like it's deliberate.

So now she's throwing another strop. Am I being unreasonable to think she shouldnt have said no, and she shouldn't be telling us we can only have them if we book hotels etc and that she doesn't care if I don't see them open their presents and I shouldn't have allowed them too yesterday when I bought them. Does she not see how it's affecting the girls :(. We have really tried we have upped her maintenance to £200 a month now my wages have changed, and we have been talking to her to book a holiday to Butlin's next October just wanting to confirm dates with her as we have got a good deal if we can book in next few days and now again she won't cooperate. We have had a meeting with a solicitor and we are sending a letter Monday stating we want to try mediation, and if that doesn't work then we will go to court for a court order.

Maybe I'm being a little sensitive at the moment, just want the best for everyone and currently undergoing some meetings soon with HV about youngest sons lack of sleep so feeling a little drained :(

Who else secretly looks forward to OP crazy updates?
I know it's bad, because OP is either a very selfish drama queen or some fake troll.
But my dp and I love having a good moan about the absolute madness from this poster.

@lunar1 😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣

@Helpisneeded13 I'm new to mumsnet & as such the crazy goings on. But I'm going to keep my eye out for what's happening from now on.

I lost an hour this morning reading a previous thread by the OP that someone kindly linked in for me

why should we take the blame for something that isn't our fault or own doing. We are not taking the blame when it's not our fault. They weren't upset about the school play

Because the alternative is to bad mouth a child’s parent to the child’s face. You have to be a grown up when you are raising a child.

The girls were upset about the Santa trip. You made sure their mum was the villain of the piece. Wrong thing to do.

It's seriously a shame some of the first ones are gone!

Where is this magical place of such understanding?!

I’d guess entirely within OPs imagination.

This is one of those occasions that I'd love to hear the other side.

Lunar1- her previous names are Stepparentchallenges ,Crossroads18 and Mytwoboys2018

I wonder if the op, her dp and the ex have ever been on Jeremy Kyle?

You are massively over invested in your DPs relationship with his kids. It's not about you watching them open presents and when you can be there. You're only role is to support your DP. I'm on mat leave so did the Xmas shopping but we won't see DSS open his presents and that's fine because their for him, not for me to feel good about myself.

You increased maintenance to £200 a month. Well that's big of you. £200 for 2 kids is a joke. DH provides that just for 1 and (before you inevitably bring it up) that includes a 4 hour round trip at our expense to collect/return DSS, and several longer blocks where he stays with us.

It's understandable that mum doesn't want them staying over at yours as you don't have an appropriate space for them to sleep. Not a cupboard and not put up beds in the lounge. DSS has his own room and we've always made sure this is the case even now we have a baby. I'm sure that you'll say that finances don't allow for this but that's tough I'm afraid. Provide a suitable space or don't do overnights.

Ohhhh I wish I could see the meditators and judges faces when you say you want them overnight but have no bedroom for them

And I doubt OP will be allowed into mediation.

OP why are you with this man? He sounds a real wet lettuce.

@blackcat86, be fair now. I bet your DSS isn't a cheeky sod who wants £1.50 disco tickets and a fancy McDonald's drink! You'd have to pay a lot less if he did.

These yoofs and their fancy McDonalds drinks

Lol I'd forgotten about that! OP can swap and do the wait of shame when DSS and DH order a box of 20 nuggets each (DSS is 15 and 6ft). I certainly would resent the poor kid having the drink he wants or £1.50 for a disco.

It's fine he is going to go up on the train the Friday and stay overnight st his mums with them. Cost us a fortune for train next week but it is what it is... I'll be driving up next time so will save again. His mum is now going to be cooking every time we go up one time we will buy the ingredients and her the next time. Nice for her too as she gets some quality time with her grandson. He will then come back the Saturday afternoon about 3 on the train (I will have to be up at 4 the saturday to get ready for work, get our baby ready, drive half hour to my dads to have him for the day and then half hour back to work. So will be a long day so at least partner will arrive at 5pm then).

We have sent of for the girls birth certificates and once we get them the school have said we will be out on the contact list so will be updating with everything and newsletters. The ex wife doesn't want mediation just wants to go straight to court, although I thought it was mandatory to have to try mediation first?

Me and ex wife had a few words yesterday, was trying to sort out holiday to Butlin's and do it as a surprise present for my partner and the boys, and the girls. Gave her the two dates we could go and she has said she won't allow them to go.. so have booked it for me my partner and boys. To be told today she will let me know next week as she will consider it. Which is off no use to me as at this moment in time it's got alot of money Of the packages. As it stood by partner obviously thinks we won't be going away with them as was trying to do something nice. Thought she would have jumped at them going on holiday.

It's not me wanting to make myself feel better opening them I just enjoy watching kids open presents they want.

I though butlins was making up for you going abroad without the girls?

Now it’s turned into yet another holiday for you, your partner and your boys.

You’re incredibly selfish.

I would love to hear the other side of this.

@HeckyPeck Butlin's was exactly that.. but as we hadn't booked it yet I was booking it as a big surprise for them all for Christmas with the dining package included (as my partner was on about self catering).. I gave the dates of two dates to the ex wife and she said no. Not actually to sure why. It's a holiday for them. I will wait and see what she says in a week and if she has decided she wants them to come I will look st the fee to add them on. I will ask her again today because if I can I would like to add them today whilst the deal is still on

You are an absolute twat! This holiday was for your husbands daughters. It didn't need to be booked in a rush without his knowledge, what the fuck is wrong with you. You are so impulsive there is no wonder the ex didn't want to agree to her daughters partaking in one of your whims without their dads involvement.

I've read the majority of your threads and if I was the mother, over my dead body would the kids be going on holiday with you.

She knew we were planning it all together as he had mentioned it to her. So she did know we had planned it. But he didn't book as he kept worrying about money and how it would all go: so I impulsing booked it so it was a nice surprise for everyone. I wanted to book it as it was for them to have a holiday with us, also thought it would be nice after my sons first term at school too be able to have a break all of us together. All I can do is hope she lets us.. I may just add them anyways later and then pay the insurance policy in case we need to cancel

OP, by any chance is the butlins trip during term time? The girls are at school but the boys not.

No it's not it's for the Friday that half term starts. So we would pick them up at 5 and then be at Butlin's by 5.45.

Your sons have no shortage of holidays and trips. It was a shit thing to do to impulsively book this and you have created a whole world of trouble for next year. You are chaotic and damaging to all four children who are unlucky enough to be in the midst of this shitstorm.