Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

To feel fed up

110 replies

LadyRussell · 10/09/2018 20:09

Please don’t flame me I just need a little moan.

I have two step kids and they live 150 miles away. Husband works in same town as them in the week. Was seeing them one night in the week and comes home every weekend EOW he brings his kids with him.

I have been with their dad nearly 9 years and they are 11 and 13 (a bit immature for their age and not streetwise at all).

A few weeks ago DH driving licence was revoked (I posted about this then elsewhere) due to a medical condition - this was a bit out of the blue and we are doing everything we can to sort it (has managed to get his appt moved forward with the consultant).

He asked his ex wife if she could meet me half way to help with the travel (it’s a five hour round trip) the day we got the letter we had the kids so I had no choice but to take them home.

She has since refused to do any driving at all. When she does agree to do some driving she usually pulls out last minute with some shit excuse leaving me no choice but to take them. I do have a bad back from major back surgery in my teens and have quite bad sciatica so doing regular 5 hour drives isn’t great.

This weekend I drove to OH and I stayed in his room Friday night, went to get the kids and took them and DH back to his room (it’s literally one room so not appropriate for me to stay there with them). His ex said she would collect them in town on the Sunday. Which is about a 5 mile drive each way.

Sunday morning (I had left) she texts to say that she has had sciatica (I have no idea if she does or not) and won’t be driving. Leaving DH to take the kids across on the ferry and then into town and putting them on a bus route they haven’t been on alone before (and having to pay about a tenner bus fare).

I am so so pissed off as apart from that being totally unfair on the kids I am now put in a position where I either do the drive or we don’t see the kids (the train is long and difficult for a weekend with numerous stops and also expensive).

Pah

OP posts:

funinthesun18 · 12/09/2018 13:54

Bleh...that's so wrong..and poor child...
I love my child with all I have got but my DH is my life companion and his status is at least equal to that of our child.

Well how many times are stepparents told they are not as important to their partners as the children? I think it’s only fair to say that when the stepparent goes on to have their own children, their partner then becomes second best. Can’t have it all ways!

WhiteCat1704 · 12/09/2018 14:12

Well how many times are stepparents told they are not as important to their partners as the children?
It's not right. If I was second best to DHs child from previous relationship I wouldn't be with him..I wouldn't make him second best to be even..I would rather be single than feel like that in marriage.

MyKingdomForBrie · 12/09/2018 14:22

Amazed how many don't think the ex should have to travel when she was the one who moved away. She should be doing at least half of the travel in my opinion.

It sounds bloody hard before he lost his licence OP let alone now he can't drive. Can he for now try and see more of them in the week and maybe drop one weekend until license reinstated? It shouldn't be long as he's responded to treatment.

Can he get a taxi with them to ex from his room in their town or is that too expensive?

NotHereToJudge · 12/09/2018 15:53

This!! Thank you Fun

I don't go about saying "oh your first, your second," I meet my sons needs before my partners, which is what you've just said you do whitecat

Which he meets his daughters and our sons needs before mine...

YeTalkShiteHen · 12/09/2018 15:58

So the ex moved? She should be doing the driving then.

OP I’d just say no and deal with the fallout. 10 hours driving over 3 days when there’s another option(s) is just not fair.

Magda72 · 13/09/2018 00:12

No - he requested a move to be near his kids in the week, he was based much further away from all of us.
Just wondering - why didn't he request a move to be nearer you? Why did he follow the ex who had moved?
Seems to me @LadyRussell that this is a situation made entirely of your dp & his ex's actions & you are now caught in the middle bearing the brunt.
She moved, he followed. Put your foot down & your health first & let them sort it out.

HeckyPeck · 13/09/2018 17:30

Amazed how many don't think the ex should have to travel when she was the one who moved away. She should be doing at least half of the travel in my opinion.

This. I wouldn’t do the driving either OP.

And you’re not “less important” than his kids either. Ridiculous thing to say!

Oswin · 13/09/2018 19:00

Well it doesnt seem like she actually moved. He was moving around for work. They didnt live near Ops house ever.
The dh moves around a lot.
The ex is the one who does all parenting while the nrp had his career.

He should stay where he is the weekends he has them.
This is his own making. No one elses responsibility.

Original poster

LadyRussell · 13/09/2018 20:05

That’s a lot of stuff about my supposed life that I have not said on this thread.

Love the way you seem to know my life better than me and talk about my husband like he’s a piece a shit who doesn’t deserve to see his kids?

He is in the forces yes. He was in the forces when his ex wife married him and had kids. She grew up in the forces, she knew exactly what it entailed. Lots of people in the forces have children and split up - it is allowed.

DH has done more driving than anyone I know to ensure he sees his kids including requesting a post in the same town as his children, yes away from our home, in order to be closer to his children.

No I do not want to sell my house and give up my career and move away from my children and take my autistic child out of college in order to live in that town, which I don’t even like and don’t know anyone.

Yes his ex left him and moved to the other end of the country (where she has no family) and he travelled hundreds of miles to see them every other weekend. Religiously. But yes we are evil evil bastards somehow

OP posts:

Haireverywhere · 13/09/2018 23:05

Hi OP I posted early on. I hadn't seen his ex moved away. I hope a fair agreement can be reached as this sounds untenable and you need quality time with your DH too.

Best of luck.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5