New partner has slapped my 9 y o son...

[LJayJay]

Hey would appreciate thoughts on how to handle this....
Been with partner now for 14 months, I’ve a 13 yo daughter and 9 yo son, he’s got 12 yo son. Partner stricter than me but very loving and fantastic father to his son who lives with him FT. He’s got great relationship developing with my DD; finds my DS harder to get on with - DS can be hyper, has had v tough anxiety issues needing counselling. We r on hols at mo and yest DP was teasing DS about throwing him off cliff, at first they were laughing then DS began to get upset, DP had him in fireman’s lift near top of cliff, I could see he was crying and DP hasn’t put him down. Next thing DS punches him hard just above the pelvis and then DP slapped DS on face shouting at him. I acted peacekeeper and told DP to apologise which DS didn’t want to hear and I couldn’t get apology out of DS; DP told DS he was wrong and shouldnt have slapped him, it qualifies it with “but you really really hurt me”. DS much more clingy than usual all afternoon and wary of DP but we had lunch at cafe and carried on with day. I didn’t want to be breathing same air as DP all afternoon. Found myself feeling uber protective over my kids and on eggshells in case DS’ behaviour causes friction again. This has crystallised feelings DP has about DS - he thinks he has major problems, needs more counselling, and has too close a relationship to me and contros me. It’s not first time it’s beensaid. I split up with partner of over four years last summer (not a Dad) who said similar things. A lot of the conversations DP and I had last night were had with prev partner too. I don’t deny DS has issues but have often felt like DP’s strict but loving approach wiTh his own son wasn’t going to be b at approach with mine. DS doesn’t do well with shouting and stern approach. No idea what to do now. Can’t get visual of him slapping DS out of my head. But DS punching him also awful. My relationship with DP has been wonderful; liberating and supportive and deep, but I have had a faint under current of a volcano that could go off and now feel so confused. All my family love him to bits, and until now I thought we could conquer anything together. Had been planning to sell our two houses and move in as new family together. Now I’m all at sea

"I wish someone had stuck up for me like you are all sticking up for this boy."

Sadly it's no bloody help to him though.

Any adult would have reacted the same way as your son did. They would lash out/defend themselves/panic. He was terrified. Why should children just have to take it and if they don’t they should have to apologise? He needs the person who he trusts most in the world to stick up for him and that’s you.

There’s a difference between playing with a rambunctious child who loves a thrill and is laughing about the danger of possibly being thrown off a cliff and a socially anxious child who struggles with his nerves.

Any normal thinking adult would not even attempt the stunt your boyfriend did with the latter child. He sounds awful and a bully.

You have to leave.

Stimmyplip
Sadly it's no bloody help to him though.

You're right. It's not actually going to do anything is it? Well it might do if she reads this and takes on the advice but I know what you mean. We aren't really changing his life by wishing he's o.k. and showing our sympathy.

@Givemeallyourcucumber yes, fingers crossed she does read it!

He threatened him, he assaulted him and then he blamed you.
I don’t see the confusion.

I don't think that the op is going to come back. I hope for her poor son's sake that she dumps this sorry excuse for a man.

The firemans 's lift near a cliff edge with an anxious child is enough to get rid.

Bye bye OP. Do the right fucking thing.

I actually feel ill reading this. Your DS is an anxious child who is clingy? Then supprt him and get him some help. Your DP is a pure cunt, evil. Get rid of him.

OP - you need to learn to be single whilst your children are still at home because you pick shit men and you don't protect your children.

Christ I despair I really do. I can't believe you actually have to even ask about this.

Please listen to these posters and protect your little boy - you won’t get a chance to put it right later, now is the only time you have that opportunity.

Op won't come back. Pisses me off women choosing their partners over their own vulnerable children.

So you allowed your DP to hold your child at the edge of a cliff even though he has severe anxiety issues? While you stood there doing nothing.

Jesus wept. As a mother your should know exactly what to do. An Internet forum should have to tell you that this situation is wrong.

Op, what strikes me is that you only left ine partner last year and seems to have gone straight into another relationship, your dc are in the middle of this and must be reacting to the changes.
Have you had any time being single?