Step parents and maintenance

[Anon197]

Just a quick one...

My DH recently lost his job and is struggling to find work. My income is the only income (no support benefits wise).

We have two very young children together and he has a child with his ex.

They share custody and when my step child is at ours I pay for everything.

His ex has thrown a wobbler because I won’t pay a proportion of my wage to her.

What would you do?

Tryharder you're posts make me angry

3 kids here. 2 kids are being supported by one full time wage, 1 kid is being supported by one full time wage

It's temporary. It was unforeseen circumstances. The dad didn't choose to quit work to prioritise 2 out of 3 children

He doesn’t sound all that dreamy tbh if he thought it was at all ok to push for full custody. Only an utter arsehole would deprive a child of time with their mother like that!

We’re not jumping from 0 to having her full time. We already have her 50% of the time. Our rent wouldn’t change our bills wouldn’t change. We already have clothes and pay for her uniform so it would just be splitting means 5 ways instead of 4

One you should not have to pay.

However,to suggest because he is now a SAHD she should give up her child and let them live full time with the father and you will not ask for maintenance is so insulting I am gobsmacked anyone would suggest it.

How will the poor child feel, go and live with Dad till he gets a job and then he will kick you back to your mother.

Is the mother allowed to be pissed off - absolutely yes. Ex gets to walk off from his commitments, she has to pick up the tab and then to add insult to injury your want to take her child away from her.

He needs to get off his arse and find work pronto - there are plenty of jobs around.

But depriving a father of his child unless his ex pays you is okay?

Anon197 it’s just the usual comments. The rules about CM are quite clear. Just continue to follow them. A job loss means that everyone dependent on the income will have to struggle a bit more. You are doing your bit by the sounds of it. Whether other posters like it or not your partner’s ex will have to step up too.

@TwoDots irrelevant what he chose. The children remain in existence with needs

Needs the OP is prepared to meet as long as she uproots child from her usual carer. Otherwise she's not.

OP is fine though. The law is on her side. I couldn't sleep at night if I was the OP. It's disgusting

The arrangement is 50/50 if SD lives here full time she could see her mum on weekends and whenever else her mum wanted. How is that depriving the child of anything?

My mistake , op IS paying for SD on average 3 nights a week. So 2.5 kids on one wage

Yet the ex can't support her child on average 4 nights per week

But why do you think it is in any way ok to even suggest that? The girl needs and deserves time with her mother.
Work out what you would be paying to feed her for that “extra 50%” and offer that. Because clearly there is money spare to contribute but only if it is on your terms.
This seems like an opportunitistic way to get want the “dad wants” which seems to be to deprive his child of time with her mother. Which is monstrous tbh.

You're not with the mother are you though?

What she does isn't your responsibility. What your partner does bloody well should matter to you

What is the op doing that is so disgusting??? You're unhinged

Ignoring the needs of children at her convenience.

I don't mind being "unhinged" for having this view.

Do you not understand the words “full time”? Because that’s what you said.

*@funinthesun18 yeah I think she should suck it up *

The ex needs to suck it up. The op is trying her hardest to suck it up already.

I'll say this again. If her husband was still with his ex then his ex would have to live with the loss of income and cut her cloth accordingly. Just because they aren't together anymore it doesn't make that any different.

The ex's household does not trump the op's household. The ex is keeping her household afloat and the op is doing the same with hers. Fairs fair. The op should not be handing money over the ex and putting her and her children, and her stepchild when with them, in an even more vulnerable position.

It's that simple.

And the rules are also clear that kids aren’t ‘pay per view’ it works both ways.

This. Every word of it:

“Is the mother allowed to be pissed off - absolutely yes. Ex gets to walk off from his commitments, she has to pick up the tab and then to add insult to injury your want to take her child away from her.

He needs to get off his arse and find work pronto”

@funinthesun18
In law it is that simple fortunately for the OP

In reality - one child suffers most

twodots I get the impression that a few people on this thread feel hard done by by their own ex’s and are the reason step parents are painted in a negative light.

I have stepped up to pay for my household, I wouldn’t expect another woman to pay me to look after my children.

@tryharderrepeat Just out of interest, what happened to you that's made you so incredibly bitter?

OP, ignore the posters grilling you. It's standard on MN when you're a stepmum

In reality - one child suffers most

Oh fuck off with that. All three share the same dad. They are all equally affected!

Anon don’t count me as one of those. I’m a step mother and know what I would feel was the “right” thing to do in that situation, and what I would do. And i’m Judging you (and your DH) accordingly.

@Brazenhussy0 nothing happened to make me hold my views. I just prioritise children. Sorry If you feel that requires a sob story

Ignoring the needs of a child would be refusing to pay for my SD when she is here.

It’s your DP I judge the most by the way. For leaving you and his ex like this and trying to capitalise on it by reducing DSD time with her mum.