Step parents and maintenance

[Anon197]

Just a quick one...

My DH recently lost his job and is struggling to find work. My income is the only income (no support benefits wise).

We have two very young children together and he has a child with his ex.

They share custody and when my step child is at ours I pay for everything.

His ex has thrown a wobbler because I won’t pay a proportion of my wage to her.

What would you do?

And "he is still eating drink and having days out"
We both don't drink, humans need to eat to survive and £30 for a day out for 5 people isn't extravagant.

Our family hasn't ceased to exist because he lost his job. All 3 of his children need the opportunity to see us as a family unit that can have fun on a budget.
Or should we withhold a little bit of fun from the children in our household so that his daughter can just have fun at his ex's house?

Op has done nothing wrong here. It's so clear to see the situation and it's temporary

God there are some really bitchy women on here

God forbid the op's kids having some ice creams at the park when he's out of work.

hope to god you never fall in hard times or your ex for that matter because by the sounds of things you’d be the one holding your hands out demanding everyone else pick up the slack

I think you will find Swing supports her children without the help of her ex.

there are some really bitchy women on here

And that includes the OP, doesn’t it? Had she written ‘my OH has been stupid enough to get himself sacked and as a result, we have had to pull our children out of childcare whilst I work overtime to try and make up the difference. We have his other child 50% of the time but his ex is furious and has been sending nasty texts and saying I have to pay the mai tenancy instead of my OH. I understand that she is frustrated and worried about money but given my shift work the only real solution is to offer to have the child full time which obviously, she would be upset about. My OH is trying really hard to get another job but no luck so far...’, she would have had a very different response.

As it is, she has shown a total lack of empathy, offered solutions which result in mum seeing her child less (I wonder if the OP would be happy to see her own children less than she does?) and shown no frustration whatsoever with a man who has got himself sacked and is sitting pretty with two of his children whilst two women run around doing the job of two parents.

takeittakeit you itemise in great detail your issues, issues you feel are important. Many of them don't apply to the OP clearly demonstrating you are projecting.

The teenagers don't need their parents argument is total and absolute nonsense. A teenage girl spending quality time with her dad is vital to establishing healthy relationships in her life. Many teenagers don't have that and succeed without it, but this fortunate girl has a father who wants to spend time with her and prioritises his daughter over money. Good for him.

ohreally

You need to read it again. At what point have I said that my husband isn’t looking for work? At what point have I said that even if we could pay we wouldn’t?

I haven’t. I’ve said if we could afford I would but we can’t. And he’s looking for a job that can support his family and all his children.

But because he’s a father and I’m a step mum nothing we do will ever match up to what his ex does. Because she had a child and walked out on the father she is owed the world.

Ohreally if she'd written it like that the op would still have gotten shit

She's having to defend herself. Not once has she said her oh is sitting pretty

Some of you women on here should be truly ashamed of yourselves

fortunate girl has a father who wants to spend time with her and prioritises his daughter over money

So easy to say, isn’t it, when it’s not you that has to pay for everything?

Because she had a child and walked out on the father she is owed the world

Most posters have agreed you owe her nothing (myself included). It is your persistent lack of empathy, anger and general unpleasantness that people have taken offence at.

Tell me where I’ve been unpleasant?

Would you be angry if your other half’s ex expected you to pay her for her own child?

I have empathy I have been affected by his loss of salary but I am working harder than usual to make up the difference why should his ex be any different?

The op is paying for everything. She's working very hard to pay for everyone and everything in her household. The ex hasn't got it worse than her at all. I know it isn't a competition but you are making out that she is the only one affected when she isn't.

This is the problem when you get involved with somebody who already has children.

I think batshit crazy summed up your dh’s Ex wife perfectly.

I wouldn’t pay either, I think you’re offering to do everything you can in a very difficult situation.

I also think what you’re doing is bloody hard work, you’re taking the extra hours and tightening your belts, Ms Batshit however is one of the forever entitled people out there...... trust me I get it, we have very similar here.

Is the contact your DH gets with his dd via a court order?

I too don’t understand why everyone is having a go at you OP. You are working all hours and supporting both your children and your step child while they are with you. You pay for the roof over step child’s head and food and do take responsibility.

I’d save yourself the stress and keep out of your DPs and Ex arrangements, you have enough on your plate. If she’s contacted you directly keep a record and refuse to reply. If she keeps being abusive contact someone legal for advice.

AM not projecting - the OP and her DP had a household budget that covered everything when they both worked.

One of them lost their job - now the household budget is no longer the household budget and the £100pcm bill went first.

That is the double standard I object to and it is all too often displayed by blended families. The SDC are not part of the household budget if times get tough and the OPs DP dumps that part of the responsibility.

She is allowed to be pissed off - not be rude to the OP - do not ahve an issue with that.

Her OP - can not look for a job because.......... am tired of hearing the excuses.

But the OPs DP has not dumped his responsibility. He is prioritising spending time with his daughter. And yes that is easy for me to say because I am not paying - but the OP is working her arse off to support her family. She deserves support.

How old is the SDC.

*PLEASE READ THE POST!!

Our children have been taken out of childcare that expense went first.

We trimmed all the excess fat from our outgoings they went second

We can't afford for me to pay maintenance so it has gone.

Learn to read or stop commenting*

but the OP is working her arse off to support her family. She deserves support

And so is his ex!

So demanding money off me and selling me all names under sun while she goes out every weekend is working her arse off?

Tell me where I’ve been unpleasant?

Ermmm.....learn to read or stop commenting for a start...

Because I am literally repeating points I made yesterday. Or just informing information that doesn't make your argument valid.

You're just ignoring**

Sigh. She works full time. You have said so yourself. Why is that not enough for you?

No, she shouldn’t call you names. But you need to accept that she is frustrated and upset and possibly worse off for money than you realise. You don’t know how easy it may or may not be for her to do extra hours. You have no idea what her weekend commitments might be which make working additional hours might make impossible....your only solution is to take her child from her.

That is the double standard I object to and it is all too often displayed by blended families. The SDC are not part of the household budget if times get tough and the OPs DP dumps that part of the responsibility

He has no money and as I have said many times in this thread, if he was still with his ex he would still have no money to provide for his child with. So why does that suddenly change when he has a partner?