What do you do?

[ilovemykids2018]

Do you have photos of your step kids up around the house? I did photo collages of me and me eldest when I was a single parent and have those up to remind me of everything we did and went through and came out of. As we went abroad on our own whennhe was 16months. I have other photos of me my partner and the boys that people have done us as Christmas presents etc. My partner now wants us to display a massive poster in our bedroom of the step kids. I struggle with them staying let alone having to see them every day.


What do you about their birthdays? We do parties or whatever for the boys as they live here, their mum does parties for them. If we did one we would have to travel 100 miles to them first, as we are never invited to the ones she does.

Am I wrong that I can’t always find the money for him to go to every school play or assembly as it is 200 mile round trip!

Would you give them their own bedroom.

Do you pay any extra than csa? I personallly won’t but he gets guilt tripped.

My partner wants to ask to have his eldest daughter for 2 weeks in the school holidays to get her swimming lessons as the mother doesn’t, and ‘because we pay for the 3 year old and 9 month old’ it’s a lot of money to fine the extra.

I don’t like them picking up their baby brother because he is a really heavy 9 month old plus they are always covered in nits. Which I constantly treat however they come back again covered.

I have done them their own snack draw like I have for my eldest, but they always claim it’s never good enough compared to his. He has the yoyo bear fruit things, and the fruit shapes etc because he is still that age to have them and they are expensive so we get them like the Maryland cookie mini packs (as we do for my sons draw.) and sometimes Asda own bits which apparentlt it’s not branded so they won’t eat. So inkeeep catching them stealing stuff out of my boys draw! What would you do?

What do you typically spend when you have your step kids?

Would you rake them on holidays abroad etc even if you knew they would ruin it for everyone, plus have to buy them both passports. Do you do a mixture of holidays all of you and some just the ones living in the
House.

Do you expect your parents to buy them Christmas and birthday stuff even after last time the eldest SD said ‘but my present is a lot smaller than hers and I have one less present (my parents bought them the same value presents.)

Do you stop Christmas Day and not give the kids living with you a Christmas Day until the stepkids stay and have to together? Last year I did Christmas Day, and then we did a second Christmas Day a week alter and I kept some of the boys presents back from Christmas Day to open too and my partner said that was wrong.

Is there any other scenarios you mummies have? Xx

[ilovemykids2018]

It's not that my son has unbranded stuff aswell: but unfortunately the kids fruit snacks you can't really buy a cheap alternative fruit snacks that's the only
Difference in things in their drawers. And yes is a small cupboard like room
That runs next to the hallway that she has choose xx

[LunaTrap]

He doesn't bother ringing his kids. He went months without seeing them. Why are you obsessing about a snack drawer?

[Secondguessingnow]

Fourfried my husband is not second hand! I did not choose to have an unpleasant adult step son, he was a charming child and has grown into an unpleasant adult. You have an odd way of looking at marriage and children, i hope your perfect life is never rocked into a blended family life of any kind you'd never cope!!

Dancing by the sounds of it if OP didn't manage his money then there'd be none left anyway as he'd gamble it. The two younger ones are just as important as the step kids.

Second families are no less important than firsts!!

[LunaTrap]

But they aren't more important either except OP seems to think they are.

[LunaTrap]

And actually since you seem to think OP has no responsibility to the stepkids why is her partner responsible for her son? Why is her son more important than his daughters?

[Dancingmonkey87]

No second guessing that’s the whole point no child is more important than the other but there is a massive divide in what ops sons get and the crumbs in which ops dp dds get. She doesn’t even have their photos up! They should be treated like family not visitors!

[Twinkletoes90]

what are these fruit snacks? the cheaper alternative is fruit? - aldi I always find the best place fruit is cheap and so is the healthy snacks there! - you could buy these? its like the switch and save they do - you will save money. then that money could go towards other things?
I had to do this - and it all mounts up...

how is ur partner with his girls when they stay? does he make an effort? do you make an effort with them? do things with them without ur own children?

the holiday situation is crap tbh - the 2020 hol will they come with you? do they go away with their DM?

[swingofthings]

Dietcoke so you OH never gets the opportunity to holiday with his children from his previous relationship, you know -well you would do since you do go on holiday with your children- that time when you get to relax, have fun, experience new things, allow treats, and just have a fantastic time and he's not bothered? It's ok because the kids get to experience this with their mum and maybe step dad.

Thst will be another thread where the kids end up refusing to come and see their dad when they are older because they won't have built a proper bond but it will of course be the mum's fault.

[ilovemykids2018]

It won't let me
Upload a picture of them :( umm they are called 'bear paws' or 'bear yoyos. It's fruit made into shapes. They have fruit in the fridge but fruit is boring apparently. Nursery like my son have to some
Fruit, some snack things like these, plus yoghurts and sandwiches etc.

Usually I am the ones who bath the stepdaughters, sort their hair, cook dinner do breakfasts and pack their stuff. he will happily let the eldest sit on her tablet all day as it keeps her happy and the youngest plays toys with my son. He doesn't like the park so usually I go to work Saturday mornings and they would be in the same
Place when I get home.

I use to bake with them, I took the cinema to the opening of beaut and the beast, I would do their Christmas present arts and crafts etc. So I did make such a effort.

2020 firstly depends on what my partner wants us to do, where he wants to go, plus we need to speak to the ex about being able to take the girls and get it in writing so she can't change mine last minute like she is known to do. Plus we want to speak to the youngest doctor and see how far they think is safe for her to travel on plane by. So a lot of factors so wouldn't say either way to be honest

[Secondguessingnow]

Where did I say her sons are more important than his daughters? I said
They should all be treated fairly, it's not a competition of who was born first and therefore should be loved and cared for the most? They are all children, mothers and fathers have first responsibility, after that come step parents who should be allowed to step in if necessary.

[SoupDragon]

She said its a small cupbord room

She also said it’s the little area that next to the hallway upstairs which is all carpeted Which is not a room. Sounds like Harry Potter and his cupboard under the stairs.

[LunaTrap]

Where did I say her sons are more important than his daughters?

You implied it when you defended the OP and her shitty treatment of them.

[Dancingmonkey87]

You implied it when you defended the OP and her shitty treatment of them.

This ^

[Twinkletoes90]

it sounds like hes usless - letting you do all this and doing nothing himself.
ok so hows about the little room - ok she doesn't want sleep in it.. she decided this maybe make this isn't a little walk in wardrobe for the girls or something a room for them and there things?

the snacks - just hide ur sons when they are there (also please do look at aldi as they do do there own version of them so sooo much cheaper! - I love aldi iv saved £30-50 a week by shopping here!!) when the girls come try and do the baking again - cakes - cheap and they are fun to make and ur 3year old could join in to? - also take pics of them doing it

when they come try and have a little time with them llike you did - again just doing there hair or painting nails it will be nice for them?

the holiday thing - have a look at the sun holidays - honestly its a cheap way of getting away - if they say they want go abroad explain money is a little tight but you have something else planned and they will love it just as much.

[Secondguessingnow]

I implied nothing I am very very clear.

[Dietcokebreak2]

Holidays are not the be all and end all. Lots of resident parents can't afford a holiday. That doesn't mean they don't bond with their children.
Sc mum has lots of money to take them abroad so he's not missing out. Dh can bond with sc in other ways without bankrupting our family by going on holidays we can't afford.

[Dancingmonkey87]

Dietcokebreak2 Ever spared a thought for your step children having to see holiday pictures of your dc going away with their df and being excluded? Does wonders for a child’s self esteem. Shall I just not take my DS abroad next year from a past relationship because his DF is taking him away the same year but take his two siblings? No I wouldn’t and neither would his df either because ds is included in both family units.

[Dietcokebreak2]

From your last post it seems like you do all the work with the girls and dh does nothing. But then wants to act like father of the year putting a weird poster of them.in your bedroom.

I'm not suprised your getting annoyed but take it out on him not the kids.

If he doesn't drive and they live 100 miles away, who collects them and drops them off? Your not doing it with a baby in the car surely. Or is he getting the train? Who moved away him or exw?

How often do you have them. Does their mum help with transport? Sounds like your travel expenses might be pretty high so I can see why your worrying about spending more money on sc. But if he's not doing much with them, spending a bit of money on somthing like swimming will take some pressure of you and get them out of the house.

[Dietcokebreak2]

So I can afford to take my kids on holiday but not sc. Sc mum takes them on holiday.

So by your rational, my kids get no holiday because it's mean on sc, but sc still get a holiday with their mum. Or I get myself in debt taking all the kids away and sc get two holidays.

People assume everyone has an endless pot of money to spend. If you can't afford to take sc on holiday you don't have to. I also don't see why people think sc should get two of eveyrhng. Two rooms, two Xmas, two birthday parties , two holidays.

Yes it's nice if you can provided that but those arn't necessities. As long as time is spent with sc and their mother has enough to provide for them that is enough.

[Dancingmonkey87]

No diet coke their father pays to take his dc away on holiday even if that means not holidaying every year but every other year.

[swingofthings]

What do you mean you can't afford it? How about their dad? You should work on a budget thst mean you can all go even if it means camping rather AI.

Funny as such post always end up with 'why should they get to enjoy two holidays'. Well they wouldn't if their parents were still together but they are not so should they fofeit spending holiday to.e with their dad so their siblings get a better holiday?

As said it's such behaviour that leads to kids feeling rejected, not worth sacrificing anything for and therefore emotionally walk away to protect themselves from the pain of rejection.

[Beaverhausen]

Why the father allows her to get away with treating his children in such a deplorable manner is beyond me. No doubt just like his pay she has his balls in her purse too.

[Oswin]

Diet you think its onto buy nice snacks for one set of children and not the other?
You cant really see that having family holidays without your children is fucking shit parenting.
Diet are all your children your partners?
Because one of ops child is not. Why is it ok for the dad to fund this childs holiday and not his own.
Bloody awful.

[LBOCS2]

My DSS has his own room here. Our girls share and he has the boxroom, it's smaller but I find that their toys get smaller as they get older. The girls share ONE chest of drawers in their room, DSS's clothes are in a pull out tray under his bed.

From where I'm sitting in my living room I can see 4x pictures of DSS, 5x of DD1 and 1 of DD2. There are none of any of the children in our bedroom.

We pay the CSA amount for him, but also any incidentals - so half school uniform, activities, we get him a decent winter coat and school shoes, etc. And travel, as he lives 120miles away. He celebrates his birthday at his DM's but we will have him in the evening or the closest weekend and we usually have a family party then. DH frequently can't go to school events (it's a 3 or 4 hour journey there) but will make arrangements to speak to teachers if he misses parents' evening etc.

All the children have treats bought for them, according to what they like - not necessarily the same things. If we do any days out then we do them together as a family and we spend what we can afford. We mostly take him on holiday with us - we sometimes didn't when we had the opportunity to go on a cheap one with the DDs out of school time but now DD1 is at school we always take them all.

Basically, when we have him he's part of our family and treated in the same way as I treat DD1 and DD2. It doesn't sound like that's how you treat your step children OP, in fact it sounds like you resent them for costing money and being around.

[LBOCS2]

Oh, and we alternate Christmas/NY. He wasn't with us last year so we gave him his presents and stocking when he came down after Christmas. This year he is, so we'll host family and do our usual Christmas Day - with him around, and all of DH's side of the family.