What do you do?

[ilovemykids2018]

Do you have photos of your step kids up around the house? I did photo collages of me and me eldest when I was a single parent and have those up to remind me of everything we did and went through and came out of. As we went abroad on our own whennhe was 16months. I have other photos of me my partner and the boys that people have done us as Christmas presents etc. My partner now wants us to display a massive poster in our bedroom of the step kids. I struggle with them staying let alone having to see them every day.


What do you about their birthdays? We do parties or whatever for the boys as they live here, their mum does parties for them. If we did one we would have to travel 100 miles to them first, as we are never invited to the ones she does.

Am I wrong that I can’t always find the money for him to go to every school play or assembly as it is 200 mile round trip!

Would you give them their own bedroom.

Do you pay any extra than csa? I personallly won’t but he gets guilt tripped.

My partner wants to ask to have his eldest daughter for 2 weeks in the school holidays to get her swimming lessons as the mother doesn’t, and ‘because we pay for the 3 year old and 9 month old’ it’s a lot of money to fine the extra.

I don’t like them picking up their baby brother because he is a really heavy 9 month old plus they are always covered in nits. Which I constantly treat however they come back again covered.

I have done them their own snack draw like I have for my eldest, but they always claim it’s never good enough compared to his. He has the yoyo bear fruit things, and the fruit shapes etc because he is still that age to have them and they are expensive so we get them like the Maryland cookie mini packs (as we do for my sons draw.) and sometimes Asda own bits which apparentlt it’s not branded so they won’t eat. So inkeeep catching them stealing stuff out of my boys draw! What would you do?

What do you typically spend when you have your step kids?

Would you rake them on holidays abroad etc even if you knew they would ruin it for everyone, plus have to buy them both passports. Do you do a mixture of holidays all of you and some just the ones living in the
House.

Do you expect your parents to buy them Christmas and birthday stuff even after last time the eldest SD said ‘but my present is a lot smaller than hers and I have one less present (my parents bought them the same value presents.)

Do you stop Christmas Day and not give the kids living with you a Christmas Day until the stepkids stay and have to together? Last year I did Christmas Day, and then we did a second Christmas Day a week alter and I kept some of the boys presents back from Christmas Day to open too and my partner said that was wrong.

Is there any other scenarios you mummies have? Xx

[ilovemykids2018]

They choose that instead of having pull
Out camp beds in the babies bedroom
Whilst the baby slept with us. The bed for my eldest was his birthday present last year, my family, and us put money in together (it was £200) as he stayed at one of my friends house who's boy had something similar and that's all my son asked for Zz

[Dancingmonkey87]

Why has the baby got a bedroom? Surely he can’t stay in your room until he’s old enough to move in with your son and then to two girls share the other room.

[MsGameandWatching]

I can't even by arsed to address all of this except why are they stealing from your children's snack drawer? What's the difference? Why do you even have separate drawers?

[Zampa]

Do you have photos of your step kids up around the house? Yes. It's nice for my DC (half sisters) to see their siblings every day.

My partner now wants us to display a massive poster in our bedroom of the step kids. Not sure if want a huge poster in my bedroom either but wouldn't want one of my children either!

I struggle with them staying let alone having to see them every day. Why is this?

What do you about their birthdays? We do a small celebration for them with us as their Mum organises the main party (to which we're not invited).

Am I wrong that I can’t always find the money for him to go to every school play or assembly as it is 200 mile round trip! DP doesn't go to everything but he does try to go to the bigger events. However, it's a much shorter distance.

Would you give them their own bedroom. Depends on ages. My DSC shared until they were 9 and 12 but we've recently moved house to ensure that they both have their own rooms.

Do you pay any extra than csa? I personallly won’t but he gets guilt tripped. DP pays the "minimum". This isn't popular on MN. We obviously also spend money on them whilst they're with us on clothes, books, activities etc.

My partner wants to ask to have his eldest daughter for 2 weeks in the school holidays to get her swimming lessons as the mother doesn’t, and ‘because we pay for the 3 year old and 9 month old’ it’s a lot of money to fine the extra. Well done on your DP. Swimming with your kids is great fun and an important life lesson. You'll need to tighten your belt a little bit it'll be worth it.

I don’t like them picking up their baby brother because he is a really heavy 9 month old I'd encourage the relationship between your DSC and your children. Watching my DSC play with their little sisters is so wonderful. You can teach them how to handle the baby appropriately and with your supervision.

they are always covered in nits. Which I constantly treat however they come back again covered. Think this is a corollary of having school age children.

So inkeeep catching them stealing stuff out of my boys draw! What would you do? Discipline them appropriately. However, are you sure that they're not doing it because they're hungry. Older children will need more than a 3 year old.

What do you typically spend when you have your step kids? How long is a piece of string? What things are you including? Clothes, meals out, activities etc.?

Would you rake them on holidays abroad etc even if you knew they would ruin it for everyone, plus have to buy them both passports Yes, we take all our children on holiday. It's a tune when we can all relax and enjoy each other's company. Why would they ruin it?

Do you do a mixture of holidays all of you and some just the ones living in the House. Yes. I'm uncomfortable about doing a big holiday without the DSC as I don't want to exclude them. However we will do weekends away without them.

Do you expect your parents to buy them Christmas and birthday stuff I would never expect anyone to buy either my DSC or my DC a present but I'm delighted that my Dad acknowledges my DSC at Christmas and on their birthdays

Do you stop Christmas Day and not give the kids living with you a Christmas Day until the stepkids stay and have to together? Last year I did Christmas Day, and then we did a second Christmas Day a week alter and I kept some of the boys presents back from Christmas Day to open too and my partner said that was wrong. We have two Christmas Days. We open some presents on Christmas Day and some on Boxing Day, when we see the DSC. It's great and prolongs the excitement.

Blending a family is hard work and you have to really work at it. DP's ex had made our life quite difficult but the effort we've put into including our DSC in our family has paid dividends.

What are you struggling with exactly?

[franktheskank]

My two step kids visit after school twice a week and stay here every other weekend, I like to make them feel part of the family, I make them a cake for their birthday and buy them presents, we have pictures of them around the house, they have trundle beds under my dcs beds and keep clothes here.

You don't sound like you like them much?

[ilovemykids2018]

My son has a seperate drawer as
A lot of it is his stuff for nursery. He has to have certain snacks, and they like them to be the healthy fruit snacks. I buy the yo-yo bears etc for him for nursery. He never helps himself so when he has a snack from
The drawer I pick. The drawers are
Only small so I give the girls their own so then they know what drawer to use so
I don't have to take it out every time if busy.

My son was not sleeping great when in a room with us! We kept disturbing him
With my partner having to go work anytime
Between 3-6am each morning. My eldest son bedroom isn't big enough for both of them. He stays at his dad once a week and sleeps on a camp bed in his dads room with him and the gf so I can't see why when the girls stay less Its really a issue.

[LunaTrap]

How old are the girls?

[Dancingmonkey87]

Your full of excuses op they can share the room you just want them to have a bedroom each! Would you be happy with your ex gf miss treating him? They are stealing snacks because they sense that they are not treated like equal members of the family.

[ilovemykids2018]

Zampa thank you. This really helps me
Show the partner that actually most of the things I suggested like Christmas etc is what other people do. The biggest difference is holidays.

When i say spending money when you have them I mean on days out etc.

There has been a lot of issues with the girls and their behaviour and them
Biting my eldest son, running away and needing the police etc just quite a bit. I struggle seeing how naughty and rude they can be as we were brought up so differently.

The snack drawers are only thing like cookie bags, or xholoclate bars and cereal bars l. As there is fruit in the fridge etc but they are taking my sons yo-yo bear snacks or the bear paw fruit snacks which are his for nursery as they are reallly expensive. £2.50 for 5 packs and they will eat all at once.

[Dancingmonkey87]

They are naughty because they a treated inferior to your two previous sons your still a stranger to them, it’s not difficult to see op.

[LunaTrap]

Your partner barely bothers with them, doesn't ring or facetime them, has gone months without seeing them and you resent them. Can you really blame them for acting out or running away? What is your partner doing to address these issues? Or now that he has his new baby they are out of sight out of mind?

[LunaTrap]

Basically you put nothing into these children, less than the bare minimum. Why would you expect anything back from them in terms of respect or behaviour?

[MattBerrysHair]

Op, your posts don't make for nice reading. The fact your dp has to be reminded to context his own dc is appalling, how can you respect a man who disregards his offspring? If you ever separate it'll be your baby that is also treated like that.

Any money you spend on your own dc you should expect to spend on your step children too if they are with you. Like it or not they are just as much your dp's offspring as your baby is. Give the girls the same snacks as your baby and just put them out of reach so they don't help themselves.

Put pictures up of your dsc, take them on holiday, go to their school plays etc. If you cannot bring yourself to treat them equally in this way then you need to end the relationship with their father and alliw him to have an equal relationship with all his dc without your resentment and emotional rejection tainting the atmosphere. They are children and need him more than you do.

[SkyZoomerChase]

Wow.. This has to be a joke surely.
The only thing not unreasonable is not wanting children to pick up a 9 month old. The rest of it you sound like you've taken 'wicked step mother' fairy tales as a role model.

[ilovemykids2018]

One is coming upto 11 and the other is 7.

We did split for a while and I can honestly
Say he did everything he could for our son so I have no doubt. He even had the opportunity to move back
Home but stayed here instead. I am
Prepared to put pictures up just don't want a huge bloody poster which he thinks is unreasonable. I don't even have any that big of my kids.
Holidays I think we shall just all agree to disagreee I know plenty of families who don't take the step kids xx

[Dancingmonkey87]

Stop with the kisses at the end your a horrible person. One is almost a teenager and be starting her periods and puberty and doesn’t even have a private place to get dressed. Bloody disgraceful. You should split and stay split!

[Wellfuckmeinbothears]

I think if you were my dads girlfriend I’d run away too.

[Dancingmonkey87]

Those poor girls will never be family and why can’t they get the opportunity to experience going abroad on holiday with their df is it because they are born female and not Male?

[ilovemykids2018]

She runs away at home, as we have the mother calling us. Don't really know what she expects us to do from down here. And the daughter can get dressed in a bathroom. We have a ensuite bathroom next to where she wants to sleep and I have said she can use it anytime she wants, as all my girlie bits are in there.

[LunaTrap]

So it's fine if he neglects his other kids because during a brief split he still bothered with yours. Who is all of 9 months old. I wonder if you'll still be saying that when he's 7.

[MattBerrysHair]

I repeat, how can you love and respect a man who disregards his own children? I'm utterly disgusted.

[Dancingmonkey87]

Aw that’s good she can get dress in the bathroom no bedroom for her to store her clothing, spend time away from the rest of the family good job there op! Aslong as she got the bathroom!

[ilovemykids2018]

Dancingmonkey only he can decide about taking the girls, but he has been happy to come on holiday with me and the boys; and me and my eldest when we went. I didn't force him to come. And maybe if he stopped borrowing money from
Work which they are taking out his wages and leaving us short each week when he was badly gambling etc or because h gets in a huff if I say we can't afford to go out for lunch as h is due to see the girls that weeekend and I am a saving money for that then maybe we would have more money to save away. But I have slowly learnt that he doesn't care for saving money

[Zampa]

When i say spending money when you have them I mean on days out etc. Yes, we all have days out as a family. There's a 10 year age gap between the two sets of children so often DP will take the eldest out with him only, to do activities the smallest can't do. It can get expensive with 6 of us but we knew that before having more children.

I've never had discipline issues with my DSC but if anything arose, I would expect DP to have conversations about it with his ex. Children will play up if they feel something's not right so you need to address why they're behaving in such a way. Talk to them, care for them and treat them equally. This is a much for you to do as DP but he needs to make the bigger effort.

[Dancingmonkey87]

The pair of you op are absolutely disgraceful people!