What do you do?

[ilovemykids2018]

Do you have photos of your step kids up around the house? I did photo collages of me and me eldest when I was a single parent and have those up to remind me of everything we did and went through and came out of. As we went abroad on our own whennhe was 16months. I have other photos of me my partner and the boys that people have done us as Christmas presents etc. My partner now wants us to display a massive poster in our bedroom of the step kids. I struggle with them staying let alone having to see them every day.


What do you about their birthdays? We do parties or whatever for the boys as they live here, their mum does parties for them. If we did one we would have to travel 100 miles to them first, as we are never invited to the ones she does.

Am I wrong that I can’t always find the money for him to go to every school play or assembly as it is 200 mile round trip!

Would you give them their own bedroom.

Do you pay any extra than csa? I personallly won’t but he gets guilt tripped.

My partner wants to ask to have his eldest daughter for 2 weeks in the school holidays to get her swimming lessons as the mother doesn’t, and ‘because we pay for the 3 year old and 9 month old’ it’s a lot of money to fine the extra.

I don’t like them picking up their baby brother because he is a really heavy 9 month old plus they are always covered in nits. Which I constantly treat however they come back again covered.

I have done them their own snack draw like I have for my eldest, but they always claim it’s never good enough compared to his. He has the yoyo bear fruit things, and the fruit shapes etc because he is still that age to have them and they are expensive so we get them like the Maryland cookie mini packs (as we do for my sons draw.) and sometimes Asda own bits which apparentlt it’s not branded so they won’t eat. So inkeeep catching them stealing stuff out of my boys draw! What would you do?

What do you typically spend when you have your step kids?

Would you rake them on holidays abroad etc even if you knew they would ruin it for everyone, plus have to buy them both passports. Do you do a mixture of holidays all of you and some just the ones living in the
House.

Do you expect your parents to buy them Christmas and birthday stuff even after last time the eldest SD said ‘but my present is a lot smaller than hers and I have one less present (my parents bought them the same value presents.)

Do you stop Christmas Day and not give the kids living with you a Christmas Day until the stepkids stay and have to together? Last year I did Christmas Day, and then we did a second Christmas Day a week alter and I kept some of the boys presents back from Christmas Day to open too and my partner said that was wrong.

Is there any other scenarios you mummies have? Xx

[Twinkletoes90]

if money is a bit tight why don't you try and take them for a weekend away or take them abroad every 2 years? - or another option sun holidays - save up take them that way?
I agree you should have their pics up in your house to - not a massive poster but some pics yes...
as for the snack draw ask them what treats they like? it mustn't be nice for them to hear no you cant have that as its your sons treat - or maybe just have one treat draw for everyone? don't buy ur son expensive lollies...?

also when they come to yours take them to the park with your kids - feed the ducks - go for a walk - free things.
your partner needs to make an effort with them simple as. xx

[ilovemykids2018]

Kids aren't particularly warming to the idea of holidaying in this country. We all
Spoke on the phone and I suggested that maybe they do cheaper days out/free days out and what we save then we can take them on holiday to Butlins or something. They responded with it's not w holiday going abroad is a holiday. So they will be waiting a while!

Snack drawer I will start hiding his expensive fruit snack in the cupboard. I have always bought them stuff they like for the drawer even stuff I wouldn't feed my own child but I feel whatever I do is not always enough.

[LavenderDoll]

Man alive you are awful. The only thing in your posts worse than you is the spineless man you live with.

[EddieTheBeagle]

Bloody hell

[FourFriedChickensDryWhiteToast]

when I go to my father's house there are lots of pictures of some of his kids, but not of the others. In fact you remind me of the stepmother.
If I were you, I would force your partner to sack 'the step kids' off now, permanently, to avoid hurting them further in the future.
It would be the fairest thing to do.

[LunaTrap]

I was thinking the same thing. They would be better off if he disappeared now rather than keep being subjected to such blatant favouritism, resentment and such a disinterested father. That would be more damaging for them in the long term.

[Dancingmonkey87]

Op is never going to give those girls a poor chance even with numberous posters telling her that her behaviour and treatment of them is appalling.

[Twinkletoes90]

do you go abroad every year with your kids and your partner? if the answer is yes - then either you just take your two kids away tell him save up and he can come when he can afford to take ALL his kids?

maybe sit down with them - no phone conversations - show them pictures of places what you can do in this country the amazing beaches etc...

their mum rings you when child has ran off - well im glad she does shes probs going crazy with worry about DD and wanting to let the childs father no... ino I would want to no if my kids did it - no matter how many times.

your fella sounds like a waste tbh he sounds like a shit dad - well a shit dad to his daughters. agree with FourFriedChickensDryWhiteToast - he needs to either give them 100% or cut ties its not fair on the girls.

[MycatsaPirate]

I have been slated on this forum so many times but bloody hell, you really do have major issues Op.

I can't even work out where to begin but having a child sleeping on the landing is dreadful

[ilovemykids2018]

It's not the landing, next to the landing is a seperate room which is all carpeted it was going
To be used a a mini play room for
The boys but as it's so narrow it wouldn't for a proper bed in there.

[Dancingmonkey87]

Aw well op that’s ok then..... are you bothering to read through the replies does it not register how disgusting your treating his girls?

[swingofthings]

I can't move past the ' I can't always find the money...' when it relates to the SDs when it really is hard earned money that he also spend on his SS and you seem to have no problem finding some of his hatd earned cash on holidays for you and your children.

You come across as a complete control freak making all the decisions to benefit your children first with left overs to be shared for your SCs if you feel like it. What makes you think you can rule the roost on your own?

[ilovemykids2018]

And sorry yes the first year we were together we went abroad, I had already booked it when I was a single parent and I just added
Him on. This year we didn't go
Abroad we had a week away at a holiday park. Next year we are going abroad which my family paid. And we have started pricing
Up 2020. I always went abroad when we were little as my parents gave us two choices. We either had weekends out and a holiday in the U.K. or we did free weekends at the park etc and then we could
Go abroad on holiday once a year. That's what we choose. Xx

[Dancingmonkey87]

Poor lads don’t get their playroom because of the step daughter needing to sleep there fucking disgusting it’s not big enough for a bed for heavens sake!

[Dancingmonkey87]

Your just a vile person op can’t afford extras for the step children but holidays we don’t holiday every year going abroad the first time with All DC!

[ilovemykids2018]

But she has chosen to have that quiet and secluded place than a camp bed in the youngest boys bedroom. That is upto her and her choice! I didn't hold a gun to
Her head a say she has to!

[LunaTrap]

You seem to be focusing alot on petty things like the exact contents of snack drawers. But the biggest issue here is surely what a shit Dad your partner is to his daughters.

[espoleta]

Oh. My heart breaks. As a mum and a step mum.

Stepkids are super hard, but are so rewarding. If you treated everyone the same (you don't need to love them all the same, just treat them all equally) if would go a long way to resolving may of your issues.

Sort out the sleeping arrangements. Make sure they have "their" space. It's their home too.

God. You really are trying to give all stepmums a bad name eh. This is why we get so much shit on here.

[Dietcokebreak2]

I think people are being really unfair to you op.

People think it's fine for women to move on when a marriage breaks up but the man must save all his time, money and energy on his existing kids. Men have a right to move on and start a new family too.

Your not obliged to take the sc on holiday, especially if you can't afford it. We don't take sc on holiday because their mum takes them abroad and we can't afford to.
We don't throw birthday parties, but they will be taken out and treated.
It's not realistic to travel a long distance to attend school plays etc, your dh just need to support them as best he can when they are with him.
Not many people can realistically afford a house big enough to dedicate bedrooms to sc. Don't feel bad that you can't, just work out whats best for your family.
The only photos we have of sc is in dh study. We do have other pics on the stairs and if dh wanted some there it wouldn't be a problem, but he's not bothered. A massive poster is unreasonable. I wouldn't want that of my own kids.
As long as dh is paying csa and their mum isn't struggling to feed and clothe them, you shouldn't really feel that you need to pay for extras if you can't afford them.
We do a second Xmas, but that may change when our kids get older. My family do buy small Xmas presents for sc but not for birthdays.

It is hard having someone else's kids in your house that you have no real authority over. Especially if you don't naturally bond with those kids. You just have to try and work out a system that works for you.

[espoleta]

Oh. And get someone to take a photo of all of you.
Yes. Your stepkids photos need to be up. They are part of the family.

[Dancingmonkey87]

She didn’t have much of a choice did she. She either had that or share when she will be starting puberty with a 3year old boy. She accepted the crumbs you gave her. Are you that thick you cannot see that! You should have both your sons share and the two girls share!

[LunaTrap]

Dietcoke you think it would be okay for a mother to move on with a 'new' family and not bother seeing her older kids for 3 months as well as never ringing them? You think people would excuse that behaviour from a mother?!

[Dancingmonkey87]

Dietcoke

An 11 old is sleeping in the corner of the hallway that’s bloody disgusting

[ilovemykids2018]

Dancingmonkey. There is two girls. The youngest girl choose to go with my 3 year old.

The eldest girl chose the little room, over having my youngest sons bedroom
All to herself, as we would move the baby into our room in a travel cot and she could have a camp Bed in there. Her choice!

[SingleDingle]

Diet it’s never acceptable to start a new family if it means you cannot maintain a decent standard of living for your existing children or be bothered your arse to maintain a decent relationship with them.

And it’s not just her house. It’s the DC’s other home. Or should be.