I have some serious concerns about my DSD’s mum’s relationship. I’m not usually bothered what goes on in their home as long as the children are happy and cared for.
So as not to drip feed their mum has a long history of having inappropriate bfs, either very young or questionable criminal backgrounds, just not the sort of people you’d ideally like around your children but we’ve kept out of her business up until now.
Most recent bf she’s been with about a year (which is the longest relationship I’ve known her have), he moved in after 3 months of dating and the SDs had only met him a few times before he was permanently in their home which is worrying enough. He has a bad reputation for drug use, violent conduct (admittedly not domestic which is a mild relief) and other criminal activity.
This man has 3 sons I know of. 1 he denies all knowledge of (but it is well known he is the father, mother of the child makes it no secret but she’s happy for him to not be in the child’s life). 2nd child he is currently only allowed access to via a contact centre, previously had been denied access to for 15 months, and mother of this child is adamant she won’t allow unsupervised access because she has serious safeguarding concerns. There have also been concerns he is only attempting to gain access to this child to be vindictive to the mother as he has not bothered to turn up to the contact centre for his visits on several occasions and refuses to pay and child support.
And 3rd child he saw sporadically until recently but now he’s living with SD’s mother he has been having him every other Saturday night at their house.
So other than our previous concerns our main one is that this 9yo boy is now sleeping on the floor in 9yo SD’s bedroom every other weekend.
I understand their house is small and space is limited but I just don’t think it’s appropriate for a boy of that age who is a virtual stranger to be sleeping unsupervised in my SD’s bedroom.
And what age will it stop? It’s a tiny box bedroom so they’re in close proximity and SD has told us how uncomfortable it makes her feel.
DP tried to talk to their mother about it but she got really defensive and said “Well she shares a room with Tina’s DD when she’s with you”.
This is true but my DD is a year younger and they want to share a room together, it’s not the same as sharing with a boy she doesn’t know who’s almost a year older than SD.
DP asked why doesn’t the child sleep in their room or on the sofa and her response was “No, we like our privacy”. But she’s not allowing her own daughter any privacy?
What can we do about this? Currently his SD is coming to me every time this child stays over because she doesn’t want to be sharing a bedroom with him but then she’s also unhappy about him sleeping in her room when she’s not there.
I can’t always have her either because DP and I don’t live together and he works weekends twice a month. I have two children of my own and want to help my SD but I’m not always available to. DP can’t afford to give up the weekend work as he’s barely keeping his head above water financially as it is.
What other options do we have?