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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

DSS respite suspended until April

211 replies

ElChan03 · 23/02/2018 17:03

Not really for advice but to stop myself crying. DSS respite provider has been suspended until 4th of April due to a bureaucratic fuck up by Ofsted and now we have dss every weekend and every night until 6th of April at least. That means going 8 weeks without respite and includes Easter holidays. I haven't slept more than 4 hours in a night since 12th feb.... I was really really looking forward to a proper sleep tonight.
I don't even know what I'm going to be like by April!!!
We've spoke to the social worker who said she'll look into it. Don't feel too hopeful, especially since a new respite person would take months to settle him into if we got it.

Ahhh! Sorry for second rant in less than a week.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

TempusEejit · 20/03/2018 15:07

I echo what fuzzyfozzy said - your relationship couldn't work if it was only you doing most of the trying. Giving your all wasn't enough because the shortfall could only have been made up by your DP.

Be aware your DP might rethink your separation once he realises the full extent of how much your "selfishness" has enabled him to conduct his and his family's life in exactly the way he wanted with barely any reference to you apart from to suck up you time, energy and money. I know that sounds really harsh and you wanted to believe he's a good man but actions speak louder than words and I was truly shocked to read he couldn't even add you to the tenancy after all you were doing for him and his DC. Take care of yourself, you will make such a wonderful partner and mother elsewhere.

lakeshoreliving · 20/03/2018 15:21

It honestly takes two to make a relationship work. I also suspect that your ex partner may be taken aback by what he misses once you are gone. It may not feel like it but you are young and have time on your side when it comes to finding a life that works well for you.

FreiasBathtub · 20/03/2018 15:34

You tried harder than hard. PP are right. You can't make it work on your own. Nobody could.

Only you really know what XDP is like but the fact remains, regardless of whether he was thoughtless, thankless or just totally overwhelmed, that he couldn't get it together for you. Couldn't really even try. That is Not Your Fault. It's Not Your Problem To Fix. You are not a bad person for saying that this is enough, that this is your line.

One day you'll look back at this time and know you made the right decision, I truly do believe that. You might have to go through quite a bit of grieving to get to that place, but hang onto the belief that it will exist.

NotASingleDamnBiroInTheHouse · 20/03/2018 15:42

Nobody could make that situation work on their own. Your ex simply had to meet you in the middle if there was to be any way forward.

Unfortunately he was unable to do that. But that is his failure, not yours.

As painful as it is I think you’ve made the right decision. Good luck. Once you’ve healed from this there’s a lovely life waiting for you out there.

Ki0612 · 21/03/2018 06:08

you've made the right decision OP. Take time to recover and take care of yourself.

Original poster

ElChan03 · 21/03/2018 07:37

It was more his decision than mine. But I have come to truly accept it now. Have seen a flat I like and see where that takes me.
Living here is the absolute worst atm. Dsd is really really upset about it

OP posts:

EllieMe · 21/03/2018 07:45

Your DP should be thoroughly ashamed of himself for putting the needs of one of his children above the needs of the other and his partner.

Poor DSD bottom of the heap again.

Original poster

ElChan03 · 21/03/2018 07:49

I genuinely think it's actually his needs as he refuses to accept that one day he might not be able to manage dss on his own. So he's dug his heels.
Dsd has always been bottom and I've tried so hard to bring her up to the top. I'm afraid there's nothing I can do now.
I told her if she ever needs me I'll always be there for her and that I still care about her even if I don't live with them anymore.

OP posts:

Footle · 21/03/2018 13:23

There's a very good chance she'll take you up on that!

SapphireandSteele · 21/03/2018 13:31

I think you could potentially be a better help for your DSD living away from her father than when you all lived together. Hope you get a nice home for yourself sorted soon. God knows you deserve every happiness.

pilf · 21/03/2018 13:32

My dh remembers one of his early stepmums with great fondness; she left his dad when he was quite young, but her refusal to put up with the nonsense was one of the things that helped him come to terms with his dad later in life.

It helped him know he wasn't unreasonable to be angry about some of the things he remembered.

Its sad for your stepdaughter, but at least she has had you in her life, and maybe still will do.

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