Stepchild at wedding?

[Aeriefairy]

Dp and i trying to decide when to get married, somewhere we both love is only available one weekend when we want to tie the knot and is so perfect but it’s a weekend when dp doesn’t have dss!
We could ask his ex to swap weekends but don’t want to tell her why...for obvious reasons. Not sure she’d agree.
Our wedding won’t have any other children there, at all, he’ll be bored and showing off to get attention (I love him to bits but he is a very big show off! We certainly don’t raise him to be that way!) Its not going to be a big wedding and we want to go on our honeymoon straight after (will be our first ever holiday together as a couple!), which also means we have to have wedding during term time so dss doesn’t miss out on half term time with his dad. Problem is if we get married during contact weekend so dss attends, dss doesn’t attend evening do as he will need to go to bed - so he misses out on time with dad, there’s also no one else who can look after him and then we go on honeymoon so he doesn’t really get to enjoy contact. In a perfect world we’d ask dss mum if she would mind dropping dss off for the wedding and collecting later on so dss gets to be part of the day but I can’t see that happening!
I’m also aware dss might have conflicting emotions about us getting married. Dss and I have a great relationship but obviously all kids would love mum and dad to be back together and one parent remarrying kind of destroys any dreams like that.
Is it really so bad to have the small quiet non-complicated non-stress wedding and not have dss there and just get on with it or am I a terrible person for even entertaining the idea! Help!!

OP at 7 years old your dss could potentially take any fallout from this very badly. I speak as that child who was not told about my dads marriage until after the event.

I also have a VERY controlling ex who would (and does) try to pull the same stunts every single time i try to organise something with our kids.

Please please don't burden your dss with trying to keep dates secret. Please please be open with the dm about the date, as pp have suggested apply NOW for a Specific Issues Order (sounds like you are fairly familiar with court procedures at this point unfortunately) for the actual date of the wedding.

Make plans for keeping dss occupied/entertained at the wedding - no doubt loving gps can supervise and poss have overnight. Assume that his dm WILL NOT help out with logistics on that weekend.

Be prepared for the dm to create a shitstorm but acknowledge now that if SHE makes the decision to not allow him to come then the responsibility for the fallout is hers.

If you have been up front to start with then if it does all go tits up then a) you tried to involve dss from the start b) you were open and honest about the plans c) your consciences are clear so dss will be able to understand who the bad guy really is.

Wow. Just wow.