Almost 7 year old sleeping in our bed, can't cope!

[elmiee]

We have my partners child 5 days a week and he's recently learnt that he can come into our room in the middle of the night and daddy will allow him in the bed and so he has continued to do this every night he's at ours. I found out that his mother allows him to sleep in her bed which is where this is coming from.

However I can't cope with it any longer. It takes me ages to get to sleep in the first place, then when he comes in my partner will physically push and shove me in my back telling me to move the f-over and I end up lying there, not being able to get to sleep, upset, angry, hurt and having to listen to them pair snoring getting a great nights sleep.

I spoke to him last week about it and made it clear that I can't have the child sleeping in our room and that my backs been sore from being rammed into and I thought he got the message but last night (the first night we have the kid back after last week) it happened again and was told "if I don't like it I can find somewhere else to sleep". I got 2 hours sleep last night and he has the cheek to ask how I was feeling this morning.

Thing is, I'm from the UK originally but am in NZ. I work 70 hours a week to be able to save and afford to put in for my residency, to be able to stay here, to stay with them, to which is hasn't offered to contribute to despite it being in his best interests. I NEED MY SLEEP. I don't see why I should be banished out of my own room. I'm currently sat at work, 4 hours into my 14 hour working day, wanting to cry from backache and surviving on 2 hours of sleep.

I don't get what else I can do if he clearly has no regard for me. I could almost understand if I wasn't paying half his mortgage, the bills, food and doing all the housework but I do more than my fair share and pay more than enough to be able to have a decent nights sleep in my own bed.

Is it a matter of put up with it or leave? In which case means returning to England.

[annandale]

What Guccibelt said.

[GloriaV]

Outdoor Education is a big thing over here these days but poorly paid . Can you apply to study further here and get better qualified in the uk. Perhaps there are jobs with accommodation. You need to send some email enquiries.

[ColossalKalamari]

The kid isn't the problem. I would not be sticking around to be shoved and told to move the fuck over by anyone

[HSMMaCM]

I agree with a PP. use some of your money to be a tourist for a while and then come home.

[Wdigin2this]

You 'don't get what else to do' ????
This is what you do.....you tell your DP that, as you're contributing 50% to the household, you do get to have a choice in who sleeps in your bed. If this is met with more rudeness and disregard, you move yourself and your 50% right out of there, and set up on your own.....he's not worth staying with!

[elmiee]

Just a quick update, got home from my second job last night and told him I was done and couldn't do it anymore. To which he said ok and continued to play on his phone. Have called in sick to work today, going to move all my stuff and myself to the spare room until I can find somewhere to go. He's gone to drop kid off at school so not talked since what happens last night, his kid came into the bed yet again last night too. I have a working he'll want to start an argument/realise and think crap she's serious, how am I going to pay my mortgage etc and start backtracking so know I need to be strong either way! Going to get a couple of hours sleep if he allows it then start moving. What a nightmare I have got myself into lol.

[SteppingOnToes]

Good for you! Are you still searching for a job with a sponsor? I do hope you find something. You are so strong - I struggled in the same position as you (though cheating ex not a child) and packed everything up and came home. My moved back was only Scotland to England so nowhere near as much as an upheaval as you but just letting you know someone out there knows how terrifying a position it is to be in.

[MrsTerryPratchett]

Good for you. I agree with the prior poster that if you move for a man, that man had better be awesome. This one doesn't sound it.

[Gogglerox]

I know I'm going to get shot down by the co-sleepers but I don't think children of 7 should be sharing a bed with their parents if it's to the detriment of the parental relationship.
My daughter (also 7) sleeps in with me when my partner is working nights but when he's here I wouldn't dream of letting her into our bed - unless very poorly or she's had a terrible nightmare which is very rare.
My bed when my DP is home is OUR space as a couple. We don't have any of the kids (4 of them in total) sleeping in with us.
We get piled on in the morning by the whole tribe though

[Gogglerox]

Also your oartner sounds like a dick

[livefornaps]

Good for you, sista!!!

This guy is an arse. Tell him where to shove it.

Make him move to the spare room while you sort yourself out.

Then come home!

We're all cheering you from the other side of the world.

[EezerGoode]

Oh sweetie ,your so young...what would I give to be in your shoes.....well for a year ....then have my kids back....but anyway...never never never get yourself in a situation where you are dependent on a man for anything....unless he is your dad or your husband...and even some husbands you can't reliy on...make a plan petal......for and against moving back to uk.do a list ,and work out where you will have the best chance of supporting yourself with the most money....try hard not to get pregnant to this man ,that wouldn't be good.

[SteppingOnToes]

OP how's it going? I've been thinking about you :(

[Ladyconstance]

Really best of luck, OP. Good move, taking back control of your life. There'll be a different future and hopefully a brighter one with someone who loves and respects you.

I agree with PP that by age 7, there should be zero sleeping in parents' bed. That's adults' space and private time. Can't wait for the day I move in with my partner and lay down the edict that I will not share my bed any more with anyone but him and the dog. Not DSC of 7 and 10!!

[IgnoreMeEveryOtherReindeerDoes]

Good luck @elmiee! Keep us updated.

Btw you are still young! And look at this way atleast if you get out now you won't look back in 10years wondering wtf you stayed and wasted your life.

Cliché But the world is your oyster!

[talonofthehawk]

Hi op/ do you have an update?
We've been thinking about you.

[SilverBirchTree]

I don't think the sleeping is the real issue

[Bibidy]

Can't believe so many people are completely ignoring what OP said about her partner pushing and shoving her and telling her to move the f*ck over?! No way is that OK! That's disgusting, how dare he treat her that way???

OP, I'm also uncomfortable when OH lets his 7 year old son into the bed with us. Aside from nightmares or illness, he's definitely old enough to be taken back to his room and settled back to sleep, and so is your SS. We're not their mothers, and I feel very awkward about it...and I very much doubt OH would like it if their mother had a partner sleeping in the bed with his children.

I agree with you about moving out of your room when SS comes in, I wouldn't do that. Why should you leave your room? If your OH is so desperate to sleep with SS then he should take him back to his own bed and sleep with him there.

[Justdontknow4321]

I have a step daughter and I wouldn't have her in our bed. End off. If he wanted to sleep with her then he can go and sleep on the floor next to her.

[cappy123]

Come home.x

[Wdigin2this]

You gave up your country, family and friends, for a man who tells you to move the f**k over!!
Move into another room, and let them snore away, and when the child isn't there, stay in that room....so he gets no sex!!!!
Or alternatively, rethink your position, and get the hell out!

[elmiee]

Back with the long awaited update! I was weak and didn't end up leaving him when I said, however as usual a few more weeks of giving it a go/sticking it out I hit a wall again and had enough, I broke it off last weekend, viewed a flat, signed the tenancy and moved out Friday! I can't believe I finally did it, the last couple of days have been a nightmare with moving my stuff as well as having to source all my furniture, at least I have a bed! Just need a set of drawers really :)

Phoned the internet company to get it changed to his name etc, hes spoke to the bank about closing the joint account.

As usual with previous times if we have an argument etc the first people he told was his child's mother and her mum. The last week living in the same house was hard because he'd whimper "I don't want you to go" and "siggggh, it looks so empty without your things" but I kept it in my mind that he went running to the childs mother to tell about our issues as usual, when there was no immediate need as it didn't affect the contact with the child whatsoever.

He was the first to change his Facebook status to being single as well, I changed mine after he did as you know, had much more to worry about moving so quick.

THEN! This afternoon I get a text from him asking what we was, not together, together or on a break because he's confused. I mean WTF?!!!!!!!!!!!!! REALLY?! He told me that if I moved out then there would be no going back, hes told everyone we broke up including his family (after telling childs mother and her mum lol) AND I MOVED OUT.

Do men go through a denial stage? This is the first time I have left someone rather than them leaving me so maybe this is normal lol

[Mrscropley]

He didn't think you had the nerve to defy him that's all!! Good luck in your new place. .
You can find a man who it wants you in his bed!!

[user1486956786]

Are you taking the cat??? Dead serious question

[elmiee]

I sadly could not take the cat :( I tripe checked with the landlord and defo no pets! She's staying home with the ex. I bought her a new scratching post as a leaving pressie, only I didn't get to say bye to her because she was out being a cat somewhere. I got a few bits I've left behind at the house I need to pick up (totally not on purpose for cat seeing purposes, of course hehe) so hopefully she'll be there. More heartbroken about the cat. Didn't cry over him the last week, cried over the cat everytime she came for a cuddle tho