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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Step kids won't accept new baby

197 replies

minieggmad · 08/02/2017 23:57

My partner and I have been together for 3 years and he has two girls from his previous relationship ages 11 and 14 who we normally see every other weekend. I have always got on amazingly well with both of them and felt they really respected me. However this has all changed since my partner and myself have had a new baby. At first it was just a few snotty remarks behind our backs to other family members but now the baby is here it's worse!
The tipping point for me was Christmas. Firstly when they arrived they did not even acknowledge the baby. Wouldn't even look at him! This made me furious they were sat on the sofa right next to him! It's obvious their mother has told them not to interact with him.
Then the kids and my partner were playing a board game and I was trying my best to settle baby down to sleep. The game was still going on at 11 at night and I was still trying to settle the baby as they were all shouting being load and keeping him awake. I must have told them 10 times to be quiet. Eventually I firmly told them to go to bed as they couldn't be quiet, got sniddy comments in return. Angry
My partner and I consequently had a huge row as he says I have no right to tell them off and he says he doesn't want to do it himself as he doesn't see them very often and doesn't want to spoil the time he does spend with them. He also says them having fun is more important than the baby getting sleep!
My point here is what on earth do I do? I honestly feel like I no longer want them in my home but then again am I just being selfish after all they are just kids and also my sons siblings!
Or do I say to my partner from now on you see them else where? My baby can't be disturbed every time they are here just because they don't want to be respectful.
I also look after them occasionally on the weekends while my partner is working which I am not comfortable doing any longer. I am so worried this is going to cause a massive issue in our relationship and am so torn about what to do.
Any body else had this sort of reaction from step kids towards new siblings? Any advice would be very welcome.

OP posts:
FinallyHere · 09/02/2017 11:07

Oh yes, and according to the title of this thread, the problem is the DSDs won't accept the new baby

Original poster
minieggmad · 09/02/2017 11:09

Just to put things into perspective they split up because she was abusive towards him he has had fractured skull frozen arm etc no she is not a nice person I know this as her own family don't talk to her because of how she is.. she goes out every weekend drinking and leaves them with friends.

OP posts:
Original poster
minieggmad · 09/02/2017 11:09

Broken

OP posts:
NarkyMcDinkyChops · 09/02/2017 11:11

IF thats true (big IF) then he is even WORSE, don't you get that? Bad enough as father to sod off and make a new family and drop contact with your children, but if you believe that those children are not being looked after by their mother, that makes you an even worse parent.

Original poster
minieggmad · 09/02/2017 11:14

I didn't say she was a bad mother she not the nicest of people and certainly easy towards him doesn't make her a bad mother towards her own children even he will tell you she is great with them aside from going out every weekend but she probably does that's because she's s single mum and lonely.

OP posts:
Original poster
minieggmad · 09/02/2017 11:15

Wasn't

OP posts:
RacoonBandit · 09/02/2017 11:15

So he has left his children in the care of a violent women Shock

Not the act of a good parent at all.

I would not believe a word this man said OP

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 09/02/2017 11:15

Just to put things into perspective they split up because she was abusive towards him he has had fractured skull frozen arm etc no she is not a nice person I know this as her own family don't talk to her because of how she is.. she goes out every weekend drinking and leaves them with friends.

And DP left their two daughters alone with her? And has had no contact since January?

Either a) what he has told you about his ex is untrue or b) he is a shocking father!

NarkyMcDinkyChops · 09/02/2017 11:16

No she is not a good mother
I didn't say she was a bad mother

Which is it?

RacoonBandit · 09/02/2017 11:17

minieggmad

No she is not a good mother

Yes you did say she was a bad mother.

Original poster
minieggmad · 09/02/2017 11:17

Just because she is violent towards him do any mean she is with her own children! Relationships can get very very nasty. I'm sure some people in here have been in abusive relationships but doesn't mean that parent is like it with their own children

OP posts:
Original poster
minieggmad · 09/02/2017 11:19

She is a mum who loves and cares for her kids yes she s a good mum in that respect I would say but bad in the respect she says things to make them dislike their brother and goes out drinking.

OP posts:
Ouriana · 09/02/2017 11:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RacoonBandit · 09/02/2017 11:20

Please dont think abusive relationships dont affect children just because it is not directed at them. Thats very very wrong.

Again OP you are making excuses for this man. You really need to run for the hills.

NarkyMcDinkyChops · 09/02/2017 11:22

She doesn't need to say things to make them dislike their half brother, they have plenty of reasons to be very unhappy about the whole situation without any input from their mother.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 09/02/2017 11:24

Just because she is violent towards him do any mean she is with her own children! Relationships can get very very nasty. I'm sure some people in here have been in abusive relationships but doesn't mean that parent is like it with their own children

Hmm, subjecting your children to a household where there is DV is abusive in itself. No child should have to see one parent violently abuse the other. Or deal with the knowledge that that has happened.

7SunshineSeven7 · 09/02/2017 11:24

So lets sum up the situation for the kids:

-Their mother is violently abusive towards their father resulting in serious injuries including a fractured skull and broken arm.
-Their father leaves them with this violent woman.
-Their father has a new baby with his new partner.
-They visit their father at Xmas where the new baby is, they are told to keep quiet and that the baby needs to be put first.
-They don't see their father for weeks on end after Xmas.
-Their step-mother now wants to consider banning them from the house because the baby needs to be put first.
-Their father feels he shouldn't discipline them at all.
-Their mother is going out every single weekend drinking, leaving the kids with friends.

Original poster
minieggmad · 09/02/2017 11:24

I'm just saying she's not perfect people are all to quick to say she's a single mum let's all praise her. My partner is by no means perfect that doesn't mean she is

OP posts:
Costacoffeeplease · 09/02/2017 11:25

You need to take a huge step back here op, and look at the situation as a whole - the more you post the more worrying it is

MrsDustyBusty · 09/02/2017 11:25

I'm sure some people in here have been in abusive relationships but doesn't mean that parent is like it with their own children

If I knew someone had a capacity for acting out violently, I would not sleep ever if my child was in their care. I couldn't leave my child alone with them and at their mercy. Could you? That's the least demanding standard a functioning parent should meet.

RacoonBandit · 09/02/2017 11:26

Nobody has said she is perfect but all you have done is say how bad she is while making excuses for your H when in reality he is an all round shit.

Original poster
minieggmad · 09/02/2017 11:27

Yes let's take a look at the situation here
All those points are valid but people are missing the bigger picture here I am trying to make things right somehow in a a crappy situation

OP posts:
TanteJeanne · 09/02/2017 11:27

You say "the kids and my partner" were playing a board game. No. The kids and their dad were playing a board game.

He was their dad before he was your partner. They are children and you are an adult. You need to understand their point of view.
It's crap being a step child. Crap crap crap.

RacoonBandit · 09/02/2017 11:28

The bigger picture is YOU cannot make things right. Their dad has failed them and until he steps up any effort on your part is pointless.

NarkyMcDinkyChops · 09/02/2017 11:28

All those points are valid but people are missing the bigger picture here I am trying to make things right somehow in a a crappy situation

I don't think they are, I think YOU are. What do you think the bigger picture is?

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