Did this happen on its own?

[Crowdblundering]

AARHH!!! Soooo pissed off.

Just noticed bloody curtain in our back lounge is totally bent and pulled out of its bracket and the plaster on the wall is all cracked and pulled off.

OH is like "oh I can't imagine how that's happened" and I'm like I am not accusing your kids BUT poles do not just bend and get ripped out of the fucking wall on their own - do they? Or am I a bitch step mother in suspecting them - it is where they sleep.

They are 12 and 10 and really fucking tall - I just wish he would back me up in zero tolerance to the destruction of our home

So, if you can't afford a 5/6 bedroom house, what exactly should happen when DSC come to stay? It's not financially doable for the vast majority. Sure, that would be ideal, but the girls have a space of their own to sleep in - yes it's a family room in the day - so what? My sister and I slept on an airbed in the living room when we went to our dad's one weekend a month, never considered my dad ought to magic up enough money to afford a separate bedroom which would remain unused 90% of the time. MN is a parallel universe sometimes... Your DP really ought to back you up here OP.

Ha ok so prove my knowledge is shit. You never actually answer a straight question.

Also it is bad form to bring up other threads. Shame on you tut tut

If we wna get started on bad unaccomadating dads let's start with my sons dad. He lived in a hostel cas he ran away from his dads house for no reason. Got kicked out of the hostel on my due date just for being a twat. Then got kicked out of his moms house for leaving his mates there when he wasn't. Currently living in a new hostel, no job lazily living on benefits. Kids can't go to hostels so my son can't see his dad unless he comes to visit which is probably once a week if he can be bothered to get his lazy arse out of bed.

My point is, this is clearly a good man. He takes the time to do 1200 round trip a few times each month to see his kids even if they do sleep in the lounge who gives a fuck?! At least he makes the effort to see them and pay for their shit and even pay as much as he does for a house he barely lives in just so his kids can visit. I just think you guys are being so rude.

But...I haven't once asked about your mortgage?!
I'm trying to explain how a lack of bedroom might make your dsc feel unwelcome.
And I've posted abvice about how to deal wuth the situation.
And yet you're ignoring that and focussing on other things!

Noah you cannot measure a great dad against a shit one that's just stupid. It's like saying oh he wasn't that bad he didn't murder anyone

Sorry your baby daddy was a fuck wit. But just because he was shit that does not mean any dad who spends 5 minuets with his kids is brilliant. That is just setting the bar really really fucking low.

A good dad would have made sure that in 6 freaking years his daughters had a bedroom to sleep in.

Raccoon I don't get why you don't see where anyone else's point is coming from you are literally the most closed minded person I've heard from all day.

Let's not bring murder into this cas that's just completely irrelevant.

You can't be sticking it on a guy you don't know acting as if he's a bad parent letting his kids sleep in the lounge. You don't know their circumstances for all you know he could be travelling out just to make £6 an hour cas that's the only job he can get, yet still paying money so he can support his kids can see him and most importantly keep a roof over their head when he does. I probably shouldn't have used the words "good man" as I don't know the bloke but that doesn't mean he's not doing what he can for his kids. And yes my sons dad is a fuck wit and I wish he was a sperm donor probably as much as the guy would like 2 more bedrooms for his kids who stay over 4 days a month.

I'm just shocked you even say this shit when there is people who beat their kids black and blue or take drugs in front of them

Racoon it would appear you're not so fond of your own reactions / behaviour being replayed to you - I was just responding to one of your posts to someone else's error. OP posted quite innocently and somehow you have managed to turn the thread into this. Nice work.

Again Noah you cannot measure a parent as good against one that beats their children
Just because one is really bad it does not make the other great.

Given this man is in the Navy he is not working for £6 per hour in fact nobody would as that is below minimum wage.
It has nothing to do with being close minded this man in 6 years has not bothered to sort a permenant bedroom for in children sorry but that is ridiculous.

Again do you understand what setting the bar low means?

racoon just lay off the op.

This is about how her DSC have pulled a curtain rail off the wall, not the living and financial arrangements of her family.

I have never seen such bullying on here before.

Op, I'd just hide this thread now. The step parenting board can be difficult and I do think step mums get an unreasonably hard time.

There is no bullying on this thread and I was not the poster who brought up money.

10 pages Because OP just wanted a rant. Everyone is entitled to let steam. Life is tough and sometimes you need to let the frustration out to turn the page and get on with it.

The problem is that if you don't make it clear that's what you're doing and therefore really don't want advice just sympathy then a forum us not the best place to do so. It's hard to make the difference between posters who are pleasant in real life but a bit over the top when posting because they let it all out and those who show their true colours through words.

I think that if all you need is a good rant doing so with friends is much more appropriate because they know you and don't need to question your motives for do8ng so.

I hope for the sake of your SCs that this is indeed all it was about and that you have no intention to express your high level of frustration directly to them.

On the day a sexual predator is sworn into Presidential office, with a clear anti-woman agenda, it's nice to see the women on MN sticking together, recognising that no-one and nothing is perfect and that everyone is just doing their best

Just caught up and shocked to see this is still going. OP, as pirate said, I'd the thread and just get on with your day.

Holy potato! RTFT and wow! OP, speak to your DH and tell him to speak to the kids regarding the curtain rail. Thats not on.
This is a support forum I thought. Surely a Stepparent can come on the step parenting threads and let off steam without being judges by other stepparents?
ITs ok to disagree, but a bit unfair whats gone on here.

OP, its not easy

My partner and I actually went to see a step-parenting specialist psychologist with tons of experience who told us unequivocally that 'visiting' step-children do not suffer emotionally at all from not having their own bedroom. It is a ridiculous notion that OP should have to permanently give over a room in her home to the SDCs who are there for 2 nights once a fortnight - and not at all for a period of 3 months whilst their DF works away! Everything you read does not suggest SDCs should ave their own room but that they should have a space within the house which belongs to them and where they can store personal belongings without them being interfered with by anyone else. A storage box or cupboard is absolutely fine! The OP and her DH make the family room into a space for the girls when they come which is for their use. How on earth anybody can believe that these girls are made to feel unwelcome is beyond me. They are provided with a bedroom and hopefully with a 'space' in which to keep their stuff whilst not there. It is ludicrous to suggest that the OP should lose a valuable space in her home ALL the time so that the SDCs know they have a permanent bedroom . Seriously, this is just not a situation which is going to cause these girls emotional harm nor one which should excuse damage to the home, whether deliberate or accidental. DH needs to talk to them about it. What would cause emotional harm is their DF rejecting them, not wanting to see them, abusing them or whatever. Not not having a permanent bedroom. Raccoon and others, you are entitled to your opinion but it is simply nonsensical to imply that OP and/or her DH are 'shit' and that the damage to the house is warranted because they don't have their own bedroom.

who told us unequivocally that 'visiting' step-children do not suffer emotionally at all from not having their own bedroom.

Well unless she actually is every step child in the world she can't actually state that with any confidence. She has no idea what some step children think.

No-one has said the damage was warranted.

No she has no idea what some step-children think but often we mentally prepare our children for 'how to think', inflicting our own hang ups on them. If OP and DH make it clear that SDCs are not welcome to have their things there permanently or don't treat their things respectfully or make a big song and dance about the 'inconvenience' caused by giving over the family room on the weekends they are there or go in and out of that room without regard for the children's privacy when they are there, then those behaviours are setting them up to feel it's a problem. Likewise in a more generic situation, if child's RP kicks up a stink / refuses to allow contact / expresses negative views to the child about not having their own room at NRP's, they are creating a problem where there isn't one. In the situation earlier where a PP referred to getting her period on the campbed - this ofc isn't ideal but it's how the DF and his DW responded to that situation - with zero conpassion / sensitivity - that caused the problem, not the fact that poster didn't have her own room... children are NOT going to be traumatised or emotionally damaged because they have to sleep somewhere that isn't usually a bedroom for 4 nights a month, for goodness' sake. People need to get some perspective on what actually constitutes an emotionally damaging event for a child. If NRP's choose to turn over a room in their house to the permanent role of bedroom for their DC's, that is their choice, but where there is not space or where the NRP and family feel that space is better served meeting the needs of the people who live permanently in the house, that is also a valid choice.

RacoonBandit So that leaves navy. Erm you don't pay to be on a ship OP and it is not called a base hmm. If he lives on land he's an officer and frankly he should be able to afford a bedroom for his kids

To clear something up here. I'm ex-Navy and DH is in the Navy so I know the above is totally incorrect. All serving members (other ranks and officers) of the Navy spend time based at shore establishments whilst not on-board a ship or a sub and they will pay for food and accommodation whilst based there.

Experts agree that "visiting" children need their own space in the non resident parents home, they do not need their own room if it is not practical to have one.

OP YANBU!

My partner and I actually went to see a step-parenting specialist psychologist with tons of experience who told us unequivocally that 'visiting' step-children do not suffer emotionally at all from not having their own bedroom.
I agree, they don't suffer emotionally, but they also don't feel at home. My kids don't have a bedroom at their dad and it is indeed the case that it is not affecting them emotionally. However, my DD had a bad cold a couple of weeks ago and although she was supposed to stay overnight, decided to come back to mine, ie. home. Her dad got upset that she wanted to come back, but what did he expect not having her own room.

My kids say that it feels like camping, fun and ok, but just not comfy and pleasant. They certainly don't feel at home there and that takes away an element of the relationship with their dad.

OP hide this thread. A couple of posters have lost the plot. Weird to be so aggressive and so over-invested in someone else's domestic arrangements.

Very odd altogether.

They do not suffer emotionally - please.

That statement is so ridiculous!

Can I nominate this for the most bonkers direction a thread ever took! I hope you've stopped reading op.