Help i want to leave my DH beause of SD

[jaynel]

I really need some advice, My dh amd i have been together for 6 years and have been married for 2 years this month. I love my dh very much but i just cant cope with his baggage any more. I have a dd from a previous relationship but she doesnt see her dad and my dh has taken her on as his own she is 8, my sd is 9 and we have a ds together who is 20 months, it may sound like we have a perfect family but we dont. My sd is very nasty to my dd, she picks on her all the time, she is very good with my ds but she is not happy with me and her dad being together, she lies all the time and if we are talking she is always there listening and spying. she told my sister in law last juky (on my birthday) that all is wants is for her mum and dad to get back together, she was 2 years old when her mum threw him out because she was seening someone else so im not sure she even remembers them togther. i have tried being her friend but she doesnt want to know. we have her every weekend,sometimes even in the week and most of the school holidays, we take her on holiday with us, she gets treated the same as the others but she is so diffucult, we even went througha stage of her crying all wekend long because she didnt want to be with us but her mum. we had her living with us for just over a month and she hated it, she thought she was never going to live with her mum again but i have a long chat with her told her she will be back with her mum very soon, she old her mum i said she had to live with us forever. My dh mum parents, treat her like an angel, they spoil her rotten, my dd always gets pushed aside when they are around, they told my sd that my dd are there step parents and my dh is her sd, of course my sd told my dd so i had a lot of explaining to do. now for the ex, she is a part time mum who thinks the weekend are her time, huh. she texts him almost every night always about 10pm when we are in bed, or rings him for stupid things. she always asks for more money when she gets plenty, we also buy her a lot. she asks to borrow big amounts of money and she always asks my dh to look at her car. i knew what it would be like when we got together but i really cant cope anymore, im so depressed and cant be bothered to talk to my dh. we argue about it all the time, he says he does stuff for his ex for a quite life, it feels like he would rather make her happy than me. every time i metion there names we argue. i cant cope anymore. i cant even buy anything for my dd without him moaning at me for not buy for his daughter.what do i do.

btw becky- my dad was in a similar situation to you. His stepfather came into his life at around 18 months 2, and eventually adopted him. He always knew. He has a stepsister who is older, a full brother and 2 half sisters. All are kind of equals if you know what I mean, but all have known the ins and outs forever! I'm as close to my step aunt and cousins as my half aunts and cousins (less so to the full ones as they moved abroad and I don't really know them).

no it wasnt her place she could have spoken to us about it first.

SHE'S FUCKING NINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That is expecting her to take responsibility for your secret. That is a totally unreasonable thing to expect of a young child. You think you own child of the same age is too young to know anything, but your stepdaughter should be responsible for your secrets. That's just unfair.

But while there is this very clear distinction between her and her (step)sister, there will be significant issues for her to deal with in her relationship with your dh, her dad. It isn't that simple.

why would affect my sd she knows who her mum and dad are!!!!

Of course it's her place. It's her family.

Can you really, honestly search your heart and not realise why keeping this secret might affect this child? Why knowing that she is supposed to not only accept that another child has replaced her as her father's daughter, but that she is charged with keeping a secret from the girl she is supposed to regard as her sister? Are you serious?

PARP PARP PARP.

END OF.

THIS IS WHY I WILL STAY WITH DP NO MATTER WHAT - I HAVE HORRORS OVER MY SWEET CHILDREN BEING TREATED WITH SUCH CINDERELLA DISREGARD.

I AM OUTA HERE.

JAYNEL, I HOPE YOUR DH TAKES MORE OF AN INTEREST IN HIS BIOLOGICAL DAUGHTER BEFORE SHE COMPLETELY DISPAIRS OF EVER BEING TREATED LIKE SOMEONE'S LITTLE GIRL.

It will affect your sd because she has had her daddy leave her then take up with another little girl the same age and pretend that that little girl is his. I think that would affect me in a pretty good way.

Your dd is likely to have had a huge shock as well. I'd prepare for some fallout on that one.

good way? bad way I mean.

I would be so screwed up by this!

Colditz, I feel the same and I AM a stepmother!

you are being pathetic now, it has not been kept from anybody, she hasnt kept it from my dd, but it came out and i dealt with it. there was never any secret's.

oh parp.

No, of course there were no secrets. Your daughter had no idea the man she thought was her father was actually her stepfather. No secrets at all. And when his real daughter mentioned this, you were appalled and angry. No secrets there then.

colditz u know nothing about me, i have tried to do my best by MY childre and MY sd, she doesnt want to except me no matter how i try. are you a step parent?

I feel sorry for all the children. Especially your cinderella stepdaughter. And the little boy who your stepdaughter clearly loves, maybe because she has never had to keep up a lie with him.

I'm not being pathetic. I am putting myself in the position of your dd (and I do have some experience in that area) and thinking how confused she must be. Looking at it purely from the viewpoint of your children, you need to get this sorted for their future relationships.

I am also thinking about how much weight you put on that single year sge difference between your dd and your sd.

God, how could you get close to a woman who expects you, at the age of seven, eight, nine to keep a huge, huge family secret like this even with the girl you are supposed to regard as a sister! No wonder they don't feel close! You cannot have intimacy and deception at the same time.

hw fucking dare you all the children are very well loved, yes i find my sd hard to deal with at times but i do not hate her, i just wanted advise on how i can change our situation ,not this shit making me out to be an ice maiden

In your OP you said, 'she lies all the time'...yet in the same post, you say how angry you are with her for telling the truth. I am really lost for words.

last time.

Jaynel, your sd doesn't accept you because you are treating her like shit. She may never accept you. She certainly won't until you treat her like a child and not a rival. Stop resenting a child.

Good night.

If you carry on thinking you are perfect and cannot admit this massive mistake, then nothing will change. And nobody will suffer more than your stepdaughter.

colditz you clearly have no step children do u!. i do more for my sd than her mum does

God, I'm really not trying to have a go. But I have some experience in this area. And I think you are storing up trouble for your family. I'm sorry that you are upset.