Join me for a second glass of virtual prosecco

[WhoGivesAFlying]

Thought I'd start a new thread as the other is now full. Come and share you SPing problems here, it's a safe place and hopefully some other wise SM can offer advice or just a large drink!

Oh dear. It's all about "dads and daughters" and often the youngest. I think there's an element of "daddy's little princess" about all this.

Haven't seen dh's youngest (now 22) for 5 years. She made it very obvious that she wanted nothing to do with me and then accused me of not being "motherly" toward her. Truly, I tried everything I could think of to develope some kind of "doable" relationship with her but the end result was her throwing her toys out of the roam over being told to basically, pick up her vomit soaked clothing off the floor in her room. Dad backed me up. She didn't speak to him for 2 years as punishment for his "betrayal". Now, it's all my fault that she won't come here because of me. FFS, I live here. So, dad and daughter have their separate relationship and I am a social outcast.

Dads and daughters.... Scary stuff.

How do people without their own kids cope? We have dsd but the last few weeks there have been quite a lot of things happening and lots of tagged Facebook posts yes I know social media is evil and I just don't get included and don't feel like I exist and I'm not important. Sounds silly I get that I'm not her parent but at times its like I don't even exist. Making me dislike the in laws too and feel as if I won't be important until I have a child and even then God knows

Having a child makes it difficult too, Matilda. I remember the jealousy expressed verbally (screeched at full pelt) by my then 17 yr old sd. My son was 9 or thereabouts, with Aspergers and struggling a bit, following our relocating to live with my (now) DH. Sd objected to his being "so precious" etc and he, young and confused as he was by her hostility, behaved so well in the face of her strops.

See my dsd is fine she's great with everything. It's the ex and the in laws it's sometimes like I don't exist and I know it's petty and it's not about me but they're also still really close and it just gets to me! No matter for irrational I know it is to let it bother me

I've just got to hope that dsd stays as lovely when we do decide to have a child! Can't be easy if they don't like it!!

So we got into the hypothetical "what if" conversation the other day.

What if the DSC want to move in with us at some point.
I doubt that would ever happen - they live in a different town near all their friends and family and schools and they are very spoilt happy and well looked after where they are.
DP is now looking all moody because I said that I wouldn't boot one of my DC out of their bedroom and make them share so DSC could move in. He even suggested that if both DSC moved in all three boys would have to share and let DSD have her own room!! We live in a small 3 bed semi. DS2's bedroom is tiny as it is.
Obviously if his ex died then that would be different but even then they have half sisters and other family in that town so they would still want to stay there.
It's like he hopes this will happen one day. Even though it would only ever happen if his DC were unhappy or bereaved he still sees it as something he wants.
I've got terrible PMT right now and his sad face about something that HASN'T HAPPENED is driving me to drink.

That's madness! You need the hypothetical what if conversation, because you always need a plan b, but really!

We have a three bed, and the two boys share (dss and ds) and the two girls share (dd1 and dd2).

Oh God, I'm so glad mine are adults. glugs sips Prosecco

That's a really dangerous hypothetical conversation to have.

For me, the only up-side would be more consistency and a whole lot less of DH's hideous ex

Eliza - Dads and daughters - my goodness yes! Scary combination when it comes with the added guilt and manipulation of separation. I don't think a Step Mum stands a hope in hell, I certainly didn't. And my DP has 3 daughters!

I totally get the 'resentment' thing. I think for me that is the absolute worse. I don't even have it that bad, but those residual feelings just seem to poison my own relationship with DP.

Logically he understands that his daughters and his relationship is only to do with him and them, yet whenever there is any stress, it all comes out - somehow I am to blame.

Last week his daughter came around and was relatively polite, but made a snide remark about 'all the empty rooms' that we had (she moved out to her mums 'because of me'). It just never seems to end. She's 19 now and just doesn't see how tiring it all is.

The way I feel today they can all move in and I'll move out. I'd love to live by myself

Dads & daughters = nightmare. My DH still sees his daughter as the 2yr old he had to leave, she's nearly 10 now but I'd bet he'd still be spoon feeding her if I wasn't there. His son on the other hand I feel sorry for, he's hard on him and The difference in treatment is quite clear to me (dss 15 now) but not as hard as he is on me,

heavens I had a hypothetical conversation with my DH once . It was what would happen if he died , basically he said that I should move into council accommodation so I could sell our home ( when our son lives ) because he didn't want his children to wait for their inheritance. I couldn't believe he was willing To up root our son from the only home he's ever known just so his kids could get their hands on some money .....that's never going to happen

They are still young fgs! Not like they need it

Who don't forget that your DH can ensure that there is something in place in the will that stops his children immediately demanding their share of the house/money/furnishings/his possessions if he dies before you.

It means that they get what is due to them once you die or once you are ready but they cannot come and strip your home the second he crumps.

Whogives That was the final straw for me recently! DP is VERY concerned about his children's inheritance. He keeps saying how sad it is that they have to wait until he dies... I mean, what?!

They got everything as they grew up, nice holidays, money to spare etc. Still get helped all the time and basically don't appreciate it. Most of 'our' money still goes to his Exes mortgage, and the kids will inherit their mums house.

Yet if DP died tomorrow, me and our young child (who has special needs) will be effectively homeless as his will stipulates the house and all his assets go to his children straight away. I gave up mine to move in, stopped work to look after our child. We are separated at the moment because of this complete blind spot - only caring for his first family and not me and our son. I mean, can you imagine someone doing that to their wife in their first marriage?! Grrr...

Heavens My DP also liked have the 'hypothetical' conversations. I found in the end that they are best avoided or skirted around. My (possibly soon to be Ex) DP is a lovely man, a great (if indulgent) Dad, but such an ingrained preference for treating his kids better.

When we had our child together, there was, at the time, no room in our house for him. He has 3 daughters, I have one son, we have one son together (5 in total). EACH of his daughters have their own room, they are huge double bedrooms. One lived with us full-time, the others every weekend. And yet he kept on about moving our baby son into my son's room. Not only was it the smallest in the house, but there were two huge bedrooms empty but for the weekends. But oh no, heaven forbid that his girls should have to share for even 2 nights a week!

Having the conversations.... Sorry

Meridian - Sorry have not been to the thread for a bit. I don't think DSS is scared of his grandmother, but she doesn't work, and sleeps through much of the day. So I suppose it's more a case that she doesn't interact with him and he gets lonely when he's left alone with her.

Fortunately his mother was there last weekend, so the drop off went much more smoothly than it ordinarily does. My DP has also told her that from now on he will drop DSS off at 2pm every Sunday which she has agreed to, so hopefully that puts an end to all the last minute requests to keep him until 5,6,7,8pm at times.

Bats Poor little chap. It sounds pretty hard-going there.

Whogives & bananas - that is shocking. Especially as it is at the detriment of their DC with you!!
Thankfully the will conversation hasn't really arisen as we rent our house and don't have a lot for them to inherit.
Although he has both his kids as beneficiaries of his life insurance with his sister as a trustee which annoys me. But I know my place in the pecking order and I pick my battles!!!

Pass me the bottle. My 23 yr old stepson is coming for his annual visit for two weeks. The house is filled with a strange odour and the freezer will be full of frozen chips and pizza (as this is the only things he will eat) and large (and I mean large) bottles of JD will be filling our bottle recycle bin.

As he has broken up with his seriously underage girlfriend( well they haven't actually met but they talk on line) he wants my DH to take him on a night out to a strip club so they can enjoy lap dances together and he can "get off" with a stripper.

If you think this is all made up im sorry to say it isn't. So pass all the bottles my way as im going to need it so im in a drunken stupor for the entire time

Princess Your DSS and DH are going to a strip club? Ewwww ! You poor thing... So it's not only Father's and Daughters... I take it all back.

I think you should have the JD and watch 'Magic Mike' back to back if they do that.

Glad im not the only one who thinks this is strange. Now im no prude by any stretch. If my husband was going on a stag night and they went to a strip club and he was stupid enough to hand over his hard earned cash so a women can wiggle her bits in his face then carry on son but a father son night out so they can enjoy lapdances together and hopefully get off with a stripper is pushing my limits a little far. I must point out this has all come from my DSS. My DH has not said this is happening but after the temper tantrum my DSS threw at new year eve in the middle of Asda cause he refused to leave me at home so they could go out partying was epic. I was recovering from a large operation I had two weeks before and he wanted my DH to leave me at home alone on NYE.

Your DSS sounds selfish, immature and very annoying. Good that your DP did not rise to it.

. No Princess. Just NO. Here ....opens new bottle and passes to Princess