what would you say........

[WSM123]

I saw this on another forum and it was brilliant, so I decided to blatantly steal it. Some was hilarious, some was brutal but all a great vent no judgement
What would you love to say to your step kids but cant in real life??
I would say to SS7, when you get caught out in a lie, laughing and saying I was joking doesn't make it cute, its still a lie.

Oh good you get it. :-)
When I stole this idea I stipulated no judgement, and I keep my word, if I say I won't judge I won't.
The forum I took it from had 167 contributions and none were judgmental and none were saying the OP was a horrid person

If kids are being abused in real life or these things are being said to their face yes judge away but to vent/ bitch what ever you want to call it on the Internet, on a post that says "no judgement" then no don't judge

No I DON'T get it. I think you missed the

Look I have no desire to demonise you as a person, I realise its a massive challenge to be step parent and it's incredibly tough to try to love a child you fundamentally dislike or are just frequently irritated by when they are not your own. It's just a matter of luck whether or not you get a nice easy one. Even if the step kids are lovely there is a very complicated dynamic going on that is like Sibling Rivalry/ Golden child v. Scapegoat X 1000 on speed and under a microscope.

No one is pretending it's easy, that all the children in these scenarios are perfect or that all SMs are evil.

Nevertheless I really think that the onus is on the Step Parent to just put up and shut up about certain thoughts, for all the reasons that have been stated on this thread ad nauseum. Do not underestimate what goes through the heads of children whose daddy lives with and loves someone else please. The narrative that adults tell themselves about how happy and stable the children are in these situations is often entirely in their heads and children who are sometimes less than pleasant are possibly trying to tell you this in the only way they can.

I was also being sarcastic.
Yes I know it's hard mine aren't that bad but sometimes I want a place I can say things that I can't say to them or their dad without being judged or demonised. Its helpful to get it out on a forum where others might understand that is why I stole this idea.

Well you can safely say that place Isn't here....moving on

Sadly it's not ( should be though)

WSM. I too have just caught up with the rest of this thread. It's fair to say that with each post you affirm exactly what I thought when I read your OP.

I feel desperately sorry for your DSCs, on all counts. And I may just work a little harder on my own marriage right now, because the prospect of my children being forced to spend time with someone who might feel half of what you've expressed here - and even worse, seems to believe those feelings will be invisible to a child because they've slagged them off online, rather than validated by the collective acceptance of faceless bitter strangers on the Internet - chills me.

Catch Yes I realise it sounds silly. I doubt my children will resent me for giving less to them practically, emotionally and physically in order to "make way" for a child they will know isn't my own.

But you know, all siblings have to make way for each other in a family. It's not just dsd having to make way, it's all of them making way for each other. Just because my youngest was born last it doesn't mean he hasn't got to make way for his older siblings including dsd, and just because dsd was born first it doesn't mean she's the only child in the family who has to make way.

Wow that's the sound of back peddling and desperately clutching at straws if you ask me.

I actually really do not believe that that is what you meant AT ALL when you wrote that post.

No it's definitely not back peddling and clutching at straws.

My first paragraph in my latest post is just in relation to me.

The second one is in response to you making out that dsd has to make way for her brothers.

and not the other way around.

That is a very unusual use of the phrase 'make way' in that case Cant, it has to be said.

I feel desperately sorry for your DSCs, on all counts. And I may just work a little harder on my own marriage right now, because the prospect of my children being forced to spend time with someone who might feel half of what you've expressed here - and even worse, seems to believe those feelings will be invisible to a child because they've slagged them off online, rather than validated by the collective acceptance of faceless bitter strangers on the Internet - chills me.

Ditto to that. ^^

More convinced than ever that I couldn't be with a man who has children. I couldn't do them justice. Many people can, and do, cut it as great step-parents. It's a shame that more of those who don't, don't just cut their losses.

This thread is incredible - and I'm fairly blown away by the total naivety of the OP in posting this. You can't just say 'no judgement'. The world - and especially MN - doesn't work that way!

This thread is horrible.

As a SM I find Catch's insistence that SPs should 'put up and shut up' just as frustrating as the OP's suggestion that it's OK to call children sluts / create a thread to bitch about them though.

Immature and vile. He wasn't bothered but the poster of this message clearly was! I wonder is this 'mother' would actually speak to this child in this way in front of her bio mother or father??

Right, so it's immature and vile to be bothered that a child was trying to goad another child? DS might not have been bothered that time, but next time she does it he might just be bothered.
And yes I would tell her in front of her parents to shut up and eat the cake before she drops it, and that her brother isn't bothered.
People need to realise that when a child misbehaves it is not just up to that child's parents to tell them off or say it to them straight. If I was with her mother and dsd was goading my child and her mum did naff all about it, I would most definitely say something.

Tbh it would have served her right if she'd have dropped the cake.

And why write "mother" like that? What are you trying to say?

You are a nasty piece of work cantwait. You may have name changed but we all remember your actual username and your countless posts sagging off that poor girl.

Make way?! Your husband had a child before he met you - all this melodramatic 'I hope my son's don't resent me for giving them less because of DSD' is utter bollocks. YOU CHOSE to marry a man with a child, you therefore chose to make that little girl a huge part of your life - you simply cannot have one without the other!

If you can't let go of this awful resentment you have of her and her mother after 8 years or whatever it is, then you really need to walk away. She absolutely will know that you dislike her, and that isn't on at all.

As a person who had a step-dad from the age of 7, I'm utterly disgusted with this post. The thought that he could go on a forum with other 'step parents' to slag off their 'step children' is vile. Luckily he is my step dad which means he is also my parent so if I had behaved in any way that he wasn't happy with he would tell me to my face not slag me off on forum, because that wouldn't make him my parent.

Personally I wouldn't say anything on a forum I wouldn't say to my dp. About this or his kids. Do I think dsd acts like a little princess? Yes. Do I share that thought with DP? Sometimes. Do I think DSS is a cheeky we changed? Yes. Do I tell DP ? Yes. Does ot bother DP. No. Because he is a reasonable adult who understands that while he thinks his kids are perfect others maybe don't see it.

I think the original intention of this forum has been escalated and it's really jnterestjng to see how boys viewed. I can sort of see the OPs intention. But equally i understand why it's been totally roasted. Its a shame though that SM can't get things off their chest without being made bout to be the worst person in the world though.

This whole thread is pretty grim. I wouldn't and couldn't ever be a stepmother. MY DC have one. She's totally normal, doesn't resent them as far as I know, treats them well and they love her. If I thought for a second she was on an online forum slagging them off....just yak.

So sick of the step mum threads on here, they always go the same way.

Ex wife is crazy, emotional, tricked man into (multiple) children, money grabbing whore.

DSD are always sly, whiny, attention seeking liars. They also goad the new kids constantly and show off for attention with their daddy to the detriment of new kids. Nee kids usually 'sad' and don't understand.

Arguing between siblings is down to SDC at all times. If between full siblings then it's just normal arguing.

Boys only tend to get the grief when they're older. Usually because Mummy has enabled them and now SM is martyring herself to save him.

So sick of the step mum threads on here, they always go the same way.

That works both mays. In many cases SP can't do right no matter what they do on here.

They are wrong if they get involved

They are wrong if they don't get involved

Etc etc etc

*ways.

I don't agree. Step parents get a hard time when they display spite, jealously and resentment towards step children. Those kinds of people usually lack maturity and insight anyway so will of course take any criticism as an attack.

The of course there's the all too regular crap DH/DP/parent scenario where the Dad isn't parenting effectively so his kids run wild but he sees any attempt to curb this as an attack on himself and his kids and attacks the SM in response. He'd be a pain in the arse even without kids but the SM doesn't want to see that because then she might have to consider leaving her relationship so she blames the step kids to take focus off that.

Show me a nasty step child and 99% of the time there'll be an adult behaving poorly either not putting a stop to it or magnifying and attributing evil and spiteful motives to normal young child behaviour.

Some of you have blown my comments way out of proportion. That's your problem, not mine.