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Original poster

what would you say........

352 replies

WSM123 · 10/02/2016 03:20

I saw this on another forum and it was brilliant, so I decided to blatantly steal it. Some was hilarious, some was brutal but all a great vent no judgement
What would you love to say to your step kids but cant in real life??
I would say to SS7, when you get caught out in a lie, laughing and saying I was joking doesn't make it cute, its still a lie.

OP posts:
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Micah · 10/02/2016 08:40

Stepkids are often damaged and traumatised by the mere fact that you have to exist in their lives

Really? What happened to all the dont stay together for the kids, you need to be happy for the kids to be happy crap then?

I only "exist" because my stepkids mother hadnt had an affair and kicked their dad out, and moved her om in the same night. Any responsibility for trauma or damage to those kids lays at her door. Funny how its me that damages them though isnt it? I suppose their "new daddy" is completely innocent too?

Ledkr · 10/02/2016 08:48

Still not their fault tho is it?

FaFoutis · 10/02/2016 08:51

I'm quite sure any frustration vented is not mirrored in home life. Children are not stupid. It is quite obvious when you are just tolerated, even if nobody says anything negative.

Neverenuff · 10/02/2016 09:01

And what should the step parent do exactly? I can't control anything the kids say or do so I have to tolerate them and their behaviour. I can love them but it's not reciprocated ( which is absolutely OK BTW)

What else can a step parent do but tolerate?

FaFoutis · 10/02/2016 09:04

I see that Neverenuff, but what a shit situation for a child.

DontCareHowIWantItNow · 10/02/2016 09:09

Stepkids are often damaged and traumatised by the mere fact that you have to exist in their lives

I exist in their lives because their 'D'M chose to have numerous affairs. Now choses men, alcohol and drugs over them.

They live with us FT and have indirect contact with their mother.

Not every situation is the same.

Don't judge what you don't know!

CallMeMaybe · 10/02/2016 09:14

Things I'd like to say to my children's stepmother but can't:

Complaining that I take all your money Every month will not endear you to the DSC.Banning any mention of my name is one of the reasons why the DSC refuse to stay at your house or be alone with you in any way shape or form.

Screaming at your own children means that the DSC think that you are unhinged and make them want to spend less time with you lest you treat them the same way you treat your own children. Even if you do apologise to the DSC that they have to witness your frankly appalling treatment of your own children, reassuring them that you wouldn't speak to them like that won't make them think that you are any less unhinged than you are.

Ah yes, cathartic isn't it. Hmm.

The thing with having stepchildren is that they don't get a choice whether to have you in their lives. The stepparent does.

PrettyBrightFireflies · 10/02/2016 09:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Micah · 10/02/2016 09:17

Ledkr I never said it was the children's fault. It is an adult somewhere, but there are only two adults in the children's lives when the family splits, so why is automatically the step mum's fault?

To call a stepmothers mere existence the reason children are damaged and traumatised is just ridiculous. Even if she was the OW, it's still 50:50 on their dad.

maybebabybee · 10/02/2016 09:21

My half sister treated my mother like absolute shit. Still does even though she is now a fully grown woman now. SC aren't all angels you know. My parents divorced when I was a teenager and I have never been horrible to any of my parents' partners.

There are so many things I imagine my DM would like to say to my sister, but can't because she's a nice person and doesn't want to upset her. This despite the fact my sister thinks she can say anything to anyone without getting anything back.

We're not remotely close anymore because I am so utterly shocked that she would still - a good 26 years later - have such a stroppy teenage attitude both to a woman who has never been anything but kind to her, and to half siblings who have been just as abandoned by their so called father as she was.

Having divorced parents is not very nice but it doesn't give any excuse not to be a decent human being.

Andthentherewasmum · 10/02/2016 09:24

Another goady thread well done OP Hmm

What can a step parent do? Be the adult and not engage in childish tit for tat with a confused and insecure child. I'm a step mum and I wouldn't pick on the faults of a small child who already has enough to deal with just because they irritate me. Kids aren't stupid they've got the measure of the adults around them.

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 10/02/2016 09:29

This thread just makes the OP and can't waitsound like utter dicks to be honest.

No one forced you to have a relationship with a man who already has a child, and it was your choice to have children with him. It was definitely not your SC's choice to live a life between two homes and see their dad living with your kids and not them. "Joking" about how irritating you find children makes you sound vile.

My DD has a step mother - if she spoke about my little girl - because that its what they are, little boys and girls, I would be devastated.

PrettyBrightFireflies · 10/02/2016 09:33

I'm going to ask for my post to be removed. It has no place amongst this bickering. I thought it was a serious thread. Sorry.

OllyBJolly · 10/02/2016 09:40

I think your post is really insightful and moving Pretty and brings some real humanity and love into the thread. Please don't remove it.

CantWaitForWarmWeather · 10/02/2016 09:40

Whatthe Right, so a child rubbing things in another child's face to provoke a reaction is OK is it? Not really. Only if you're a "traumatised" stepchild these things are acceptable it would seem.

I'd be the same with my own children, so don't think I am singling Dsd out which you most likely are thinking

CantWaitForWarmWeather · 10/02/2016 09:48

And shoot me for being happy that my DS didn't rise to it and didn't give her the reaction she was looking for.

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 10/02/2016 09:52

cantwait, if you really can't see that the way you talk about your DSD is awful, then I pity her, and hope to god one day your DH doesn't leave you too and land your DS's with a carbon copy of you to resent your son's and wish they didn't exist .

FaFoutis · 10/02/2016 09:55

You are making a big fuss about a small incident cantwait, there's something else going on there and it isn't pleasant. Do you like your step daughter?

maybebabybee · 10/02/2016 09:58

What about adult SC? Do they get a free pass on crap behaviour as they didn't choose to have a step parent?

As an adult sc myself, I don't really get that if so.

CantWaitForWarmWeather · 10/02/2016 10:33

FaFoutis I'm just fed up. That's what's going on.

FaFoutis · 10/02/2016 10:35

Sorry you are fed up cantwait. Life can be bloody hard work for all concerned.

CantWaitForWarmWeather · 10/02/2016 10:49

I just thought it was really snidey and uncalled for and it really irritated me. Like when she insists on playing with her brother's toys but when he wants to play with her with her toys she doesn't let him and becomes very sneaky about it when I leave the room. The way she speaks to him as well like she's some kind of boss to him it pisses me off. It's extra stress that I really could do without.

RudeElf · 10/02/2016 10:58

I'd be more interested in hearing what people should be saying to their partners (DsC's parent) but dont. So so many threads on here seem to stem from what the child's parent (the one the OP lives with) isnt doing.

Also, cant why wasnt DSD sharing her cake? Confused

CantWaitForWarmWeather · 10/02/2016 11:07

Elf I didn't expect her to share it tbh. It was given to her by her birthday friend so she didn't have to share it if she didn't want to. Waving it in her brother's face and making a point of not sharing it was just really unnecessary.
If he had asked without the attempted provocation and she said no then I could have lived with that. If he'd have asked after she'd have provoked him I would have expected her to give him some (as a lesson learned not to rub things in people's faces).

RudeElf · 10/02/2016 11:14

See, maybe i'm a hard ass but i'd have taken the cake and cut it in half giving DS a share just to teach her a lesson for goading. In my house if you draw attention to food (even the teeny tiny tinkling of a spoon on a tea cup Wink) you are offering everyone present a share.

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