what would you say........

[WSM123]

I saw this on another forum and it was brilliant, so I decided to blatantly steal it. Some was hilarious, some was brutal but all a great vent no judgement
What would you love to say to your step kids but cant in real life??
I would say to SS7, when you get caught out in a lie, laughing and saying I was joking doesn't make it cute, its still a lie.

I think the premise of this thread is quite light hearted, and in the same vein of my kid did x today, lets vent. However there has always been a demonizing of step parents on mn, (I always assumed because there is a percentage of bitter ex mums on here). As for destabilised children, thats just other words for my child is a delicate snowflake bs. I say vent away, step children do sometimes have a different dynamic to your own children, but they still invoke the same feelings.

See I think that there is equal if not more demonising of ex wives by step mothers and I have been both so no particular axe to grind on that score.

I think it's also very important to remember there's a man stood in the middle of all this who is usually the point of contact and has great influence over how the two women perceive each other.

Nee kids usually 'sad' and don't understand.

That comment right there Pantone shows you up. You really don't think children from "new" families are affected by second family troubles as well? Well, you wouldn't would you?

She's saying that's the slant the adult puts on to the situation not that the kids can't be sad or affected.

Nicki I have never demonised my DP's ex. ive had a moan in the past over things such as her expecting me to be at dsd's dance show when on the day it just wasn't doable. That pissed me off.
And then most recently I have been moaning about not wanting to be default childcare provider during after school and school holidays.

But I don't think she is a "money grabbing bitch", horrible, or anything else people have said.

Ok, so for example if my DS is sad when dsd gets to go on holiday and he doesn't and dsd is trying to rub it in his face, is that all ok because his mum and dad are still together?

I was responding to harassed's claim that MN is full of bitter ex wives and this is why SM supposedly get such a hard time on here. I wasn't aiming it at anyone in particular. As an aside I do wonder why if this place is so vicious and attacking towards SM, why people continue to post because it seems to me that the decent ones with genuine issues get lots of support?

Why doesn't your DSD get told to pipe down when she does that? Why are you so bitter and pissed off about normal childish behaviour?

Well I did tell her to pipe down and apparently that was a vile thing to do

Who said it was vile? Her Dad? The adult?

Cleensheets said it.

She said it was vile of you to tell your SD to pipe down for saying "I'm going on holiday and you're not"? Where is this post or can you quote it directly? I'd like to read the whole post.

Clearly it isn't vile to tell a child not to do that but to be ruminating bitterly about it and using it as further evidence as to why she's so awful and you as a SM have so much to put up with is just petty and ridiculous. Why doesn't it just end with "oh pipe down SDS"? I imagine it's the huge mountain of resentment that you display towards this child that people are taking issue with not this particular incident.

Cantwait I just want to respond to an earlier post you made where you felt bad that maybe you might be pushing your sons needs out.

I grew up in a blended family, my mom had two dc my dad had two dc, there was lots of ferrying round for hours to the different parents.
Missed party's and events sometimes because my parents had to do other stuff. My brother and sister were always off on holiday. I had to share a box room.

I have never once felt resentful of them. It's just the way it is.
I have seen the effects that being ferried between houses has had on my siblings and they have defiantly had the hard deal.

A lot of the time I see resentment at nrp dc about the effect they have on resident dc. Honestly it's never been like that for me I've never resented them.
I think it could be because my parents were good step parents. There was no resentment from them so if never rubbed off on me.

I think that nicki makes a valid point in that there is generally a man between the SM and EXw whose purpose is well served by ensuring that the women are kept apart. After all, if the split wasn't amicable and he had something to do with it then it's probably best the ex isn't given a platform to tell new partner some truths about her new dp.

I am a demonised ex. Except my EXh is a gaslighting emotionally abusive control freak who has wasted no time in telling his new DP that I have had a go at her, been negative about her etc when actually I have done nothing of the sort. He has even tried to make the DC side with his DP and agree that I am a bad mother, which they have refused.

Unfortunately his new DP really isn't a very nice person or I would feel sorry for her.

but I regularly read posts on here from women whose DP's tell them all the awful things the ex has been saying about them, and they believe it to all be true, and I think "if this man really loved you why would he take the time to make you believe how much his ex hated you?"

Nicki It wasn't about a holiday but about a cake...

"She did something similar when she got a cake after school once. She was all "Look what I've got and you're not having any" waving it in his face, and DS smiled at her and said "Cool". Having not got the reaction she was hoping for, she then reiterated, "But you're not having any". And he ignored her. So I said "Will you just shut up about it and eat the cake before you drop it please. He's not bothered if he's not allowed any" "

Immature and vile. He wasn't bothered but the poster of this message clearly was! I wonder is this 'mother' would actually speak to this child in this way in front of her bio mother or father??

The reason I brought up holidays is because some weeks after the cake incident DS got some sweets after school. DS was already eating them when she came out of school and seemed very put out that he had some sweets and she didn't (bearing in mind neither did DS2). I told her that he got them from his friend and then she just turned around and said "Oh, I don't care anyway. I'm going on more holidays than him anyway".
At that point I was quite shocked tbh. I wasn't expecting it. DS didn't understand what point she was trying to make and tbh I don't think he heard her, so I didn't say anything to her about it until we got home from school, when I told her that what she said about the holidays wasn't nice at all. I told her that nanna (DP's mum) is taking her on holiday but not her brother, and if it was the other way around how would that make her feel, especially if DS tried to rub it in her face?

Her cousin who is a girl as well is a year younger than her, and has an older brother. When we went to visit at Christmas, cousin was playing with Ds3, cuddling him, making him laugh etc.. when dsd came stomping up and said "That's MY brother. Not yours." and shoved her out of the way! Her cousin was upset and DP went mad at dsd for being jealous and mean. Yes she loves her baby brother, but why would she do that?? Her cousin isn't used to babies and it was a novelty to her. Again, something dsd has got that another child hasn't got, and she plays on it.

Are we just not meant to tell her off because her parents are no longer together?

Why should I have got her some sweets? Should I have got Ds2 some sweets as well? Should I have gone and got ds3 some rusks as well whilst I was at it?

He got the sweets from his birthday friend. I didn't buy them.

My own dd is very jealous when I pay attention to other children even her own brother, it's NOT a step daughter or unpleasant thing it's completely and utterly normal and actually due to massive anxiety in my dd - I have been told this by a developmental paediatrician by the way as dd has ASD. Have you considered anxiety could be an issue you here or just too determined to label her as a nasty piece of work using all less than ideal behaviour to support this?

I cannot see anything you describe in your last post hat isn't completely normal, not mean, not gloating, just normal child behaviour.

He had sweets, she didn't, she said well I am going on more holidays than you anyway. I honestly would say "hey, come on! None of that! Let's get you some sweets too". You were "shocked" by this?

The more you post the more you show that you and your perception is the problem here. You sound more childish than your children.

Bloody hell.

Each to their own I guess.

You can think what you like Nicki.

My ds2 has suspected asd. He's 2. pleae don't lecture me on challenging behaviours. If dsd does have anxiety then her parents need to help her with that, or are you going to tell me that it's my responsibility to take her to appointments because if I'll do it for ds2 I should do it for dsd as well?