let's have a thread for fortnightly contact

[Marilynsbigsister]

Thought it might be fun to start a thread for fortnightly contact visits... Step parenting is our safe place - right ? If that is true, can I just be really really honest with you and say, I am sitting here with 2 of my dd's . Ds and two dsc who live with us are all out doing what teenagers do on a Friday... And I am clock watching and feeling the familiar dread as the clock reaches 7:15 pm and my dh comes back through the door with the other dsc (early teens) ..who are treated (and behave) like 3 yr olds. Every fortnight has the familiar feeling of dread as I know the next 48 hrs will be filled with tantrums, fighting, pinching, attention seeking and ridiculously infantile behaviour... Ten years on...no change, absolutely no change..except now I plan to be out most of the weekends to avoid them. No longer feel the need to 'make it one happy family' ... Even their own siblings find it unbearable. The other 12 days a fortnight I have a fabulous family life, lovely dh, fantastic, engaging, intelligent, self sufficient dcs/dsc . When will the others grow up ? Currently 13, 14 &16 !!!

[WhoGivesAFlying]

Everyone having a nice weekend? Ds been in bed since 7, DH asleep so just me, having me time watching Netflix :) Bliss

[Rainbow00]

Delightful!! My dsd is ill, my dss is acting like a little know it all and my ds is acting out causing me and my dh to argue All in all not good going at the moment!!

[WhoGivesAFlying]

What are you arguing about? My DH and I will at some point have words wen the kids are here as he turns into an utter shite! Defensive definitive bollocks.

[Rainbow00]

My ds we're arguing about and his behaviour and the same as you really he turns into a different person when his kids are here!!

[NZmonkey]

My DP is also being as arse its just great. Arguing with me in car in front of DSD. Think I'm still angry at him for his comment last night that he doesn't actually want to see his daughter.

[WhoGivesAFlying]

He doesn't want to see his DD?

[NZmonkey]

Cantwait i think you summed up how I felt and exactly how things go here sometimes. He apparently didn't mean it the way he said it but it felt horrible and he couldn't be bothered talking to me about it further for over 24hours.

[NZmonkey]

DSD is having a really bad night too since I put her to bed at 7 she has woken crying from bad dreams, then woken from her head cold coughing, then woke from accidentally wetting the bed and its only 11pm. She is only 4 i feel so sorry for her. I've left her with her dad to settle her this time after I got her changed and swapped the bedding. Figured he was still up watching TV whereas I'd been asleep and I'd settled her the other times. Plus I'll be the one up with her at 6am.

[WhoGivesAFlying]

cantwait I'm actually shocked he has said those things to his DD...that's so sad. My sc always hover at the door when the food is being dished up, the only thing I have ever though to say to them is "take the cutlery through"..

How old is your DD?

[NZmonkey]

Gosh cantwait I'd be so upset with DP if he said something like that to DSD. I would habe struggled not to tell him there and then it wasnt ok. Can definitely see how you get frustrated. DP thankfully won't organise things without talking to me first. I think mostly incase I won't be here to help if he does

[WhoGivesAFlying]

cantwait & NZ

I wonder if your DP's would even see thier dd's if you weren't there?

[NZmonkey]

Contact before DP moved in with me was every other weekend during the day only, with a Saturday night sleep over once in awhile or a visit DSDs mums house during the week. Now EOWE both nights and Wednesdays. This is often at his mothers if I'm out of town.

[Bananasinpyjamas1]

can't wait and nz that doesn't sound nice at all of your DPs. Sounds like you both provide a bit of kindness that wouldn't be there otherwise for your DSCs

[NZmonkey]

I like the mornings with her gibes us some bonding time and DP some much needed sleep or he is cranky all day. The mornings are easier though if I haven't been up half the night.
Cantwait your DP sound like he reacts like mine does from time to time. Without really thinking about things from the child's perspective before getting mad. Good to hear you do stand up for her. Its hard though isn't it because its their daughter not yours, so I always feel like I'm out of line telling DP what he has said or done was wasn't OK.

[FannyFanakapan]

cantwait - you cant allow this to continue. You have to put the child first, and raise your concerns with some outside agency - or at least tell the child mother. Thats appalling - you are failing to protect her.

Ive also got to ask what you see in this bloke, who thinks its ok to physically and emotionally abuse a child.

You telling him off is not enough Im afraid. You have a responsibility to the child.