UPDATE
I threw him out. I packed his bags, changed the locks, when he walked in from a day out with his mates, whilst I was left with another kidney infection and heavily pregnant, with not only our kids, but the step kids as well, on a day that was not our contact day, as the ex had 'a migraine'. He brought them home, without asking me if I would look after them, he then pissed off out. Even though my Mum was coming round to help me look after our kids as I wasnt at all well. This was at 9am, ex picked SDs up at 7.30 pm, he strolled in at 10pm, after a lovely day of Golf with his mates. He found his bags waiting, and his key wouldnt fit in the lock.
I told him that I wouldnt allow my daughter to be treated like this, and I have to set an example of what a happy marriage should look like. That he has used and abused me, pushed me mentally to breaking point, broke my heart, chewed me up and spat me out, for doing nothing more than falling for a bloke with kids. That hes hurt me that much I dont feel attracted to him anymore, don't like him as a person, and would be happier on my own. As would the kids. He left and went to MILs (they were both away for the weekend). The Ex then dropped them off to him there, and proceeded to have a cosy little chat about our marriage. Im fuming, its none of her business, and she is the last person he should be discussing it with. She knows MIL wont have the girls as often there, as shes been getting away with here. So she informs him that as it the marital home, I cant throw him out without a court order, hes to go back and stand his ground. He thought she was looking our for him, until she said 'so our flexible contact arrangement works, its easier for me you being there, tell her to wind her neck in'. Turns out that yes there is something about it being the marital home and he has rights, so he came back. Well DS let him in, and he informed me he wasnt going.
Until the in laws came back. They both came over, while EXH helped fix something on their car. I explained to FIL why I need H to go, admitted I cry myself to sleep every night, im scared about the baby, and hes broke my heart and I need peace for my baby and sanity. FIL hugged me (hes not the hugging type) told me he understands, picked up EXH bags from the hallway, told him to stop listening to the ex, and leave me in peace. So he went. Is still at the inlaws. I have had 7 hours of sleep every night, and feel a lot better. I stopped my tax credits and CB and other income going to our joint account, re arranged all the bills so they come out of my account so he cant arse around. I also phoned the bank,informed them of my situation, and asked that whilst we weren't overdrawn if they would remove the overdraft from the account so he cant run up debts. I doubt he would but you hear horror stories. I asked to be removed from the account - and I have to go into the branch apparently and sort that out.
Apart from all that I'm lost. The in laws have picked the kids up from here so he can see them. He spent more time with them in the past week or so than the last two years as the in laws have made sure of it, and that the SDs arent always there. Which meant I've had spare time, which is strange, and i dread it in a way, as it leaves me time to think.
My next question is, what about my step daughters. Whatever I think of their Mum and Dad, I care a great deal about those two girls. I have spent so much time and energy and money and heartache over them, and for what. How do I turn that off. I hated the situation, never them. I was treated badly by them, very badly but they are children, and were following the example set by the adults around them. We treat her like shit, so you can too. I worry about what will happen to them now, I did a lot for them, unnoticed and unthanked, who will pick up the slack now. I know people say its not your problem, but I am worried about them and the thought of them suffering through me leaving my marriage makes me feel awful. Their behaviour and the problems that come with them wont be missed, and the ex certainly wont be missed. But I have been involved with those girls for years, and love them, and miss them. The eldest SD knocked my door today, and came in and cried. Her Mum and Dad didnt know where she was, she only lives down the road, and had been out playing. She begged me to go back to her Dad, as she doesnt want to not be able to see me or stay here anymore. She thinks I dont love them anymore, and have left their Dad because of them. I told her it wasnt their fault, I love them dearly and tried my best for this not to happen, but sometimes situations change. She sobbed, told me she would be better behaved, and do anything for things to go back to normal. I just hugged her, told her I'd always be there for her, will never stop loving her or her sister, shes always welcome at my house etc. And none of this is down to them.
The ex has told them, im nothing to them anymore. They arent allowed to come to my house (despite it being yards from hers, which she knew when she moved in), or see me, speak to me, text me or even wave me in the street. Any contact with my kids happens at MILs without me, and I basically dont exist. EXH never stands up to his ex, and despite several test the water type texts hasnt really spoken to me either.
So if anybody has any ideas on where I go from here, I'd be grateful. I know after this thread, you probably think im being pathetic, but I dont need flaming at the min, im pretty low. My marriage has failed, my step daughters hate me, my kids are devastated, I look and feel like the worlds biggest fool.