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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Dating a man with children - any tips or warnings?

146 replies

gigglygirlygirl · 27/05/2014 18:12

I have been dating a man who has children for a little while now and it isn't something I have done before.

His ex is ...... difficult and quite demanding even though they are divorced.

Do you have any tips or advice? I really don't know anything about children and want to know a bit more about what I might be getting myself into with him.

OP posts:
Happybeard · 27/05/2014 18:27

Don't do it GrinGrinWink

Original poster
gigglygirlygirl · 27/05/2014 18:35

Grin Wondered if someone would say that!

OP posts:
Tappergirl · 27/05/2014 19:00

How many, how old, and have you met them yet? If so, do you get on? Sorry so many questions :-)

Original poster
gigglygirlygirl · 27/05/2014 19:02

2, 10 and 12, met them for the first time last week. Seemed to get on ok - I expected them to be a bit off with me but all went pretty well with them. Meeting the ex wife was interesting!

OP posts:
ThatBloodyWoman · 27/05/2014 19:07

Try to see the ex wife through your own eyes and not your partners.

Original poster
gigglygirlygirl · 27/05/2014 19:13

I didn't know what to expect as he doesn't talk about her much. He only really mentions her in relation to the kids. She was very chatty and friendly but was very quick to share personal stuff.

I am sure they were both at fault in the split so I don't think he is an angel or anything. Just a little out of my depth and trying to be sensible before I totally fall for him!

OP posts:
ThisFenceIsComfy · 27/05/2014 19:14

Yep don't do it. Seriously.

TheLowestFormOfWit · 27/05/2014 19:18

Honestly? Even though I adore DP with all my heart, my advice would be to never be with a man who already has children.

Tappergirl · 27/05/2014 19:20

Have they been divorced long? I guess not bearing in mind the age of the youngest. How long have you been seeing each other? Sorry more questions, but it helps set the scene, and obviously knowing your own ages too. I met my DH nearly 10 years ago, he had 3 children, 7, 8 and 13. He was going through a rather messy divorce, due to his now Ex being totally unreasonable. That is the truth btw, she was vile! 2 of the kids now live with us, and having step kids living with us FT is the hardest thing I have ever encountered! Not wanting to put you off, it won't probably come to that. We are the exception rather than the rule!! Be prepared, however, to have them in your life and have to share your BF's love.

Original poster
gigglygirlygirl · 27/05/2014 19:24

I don't have much experience with children but I do like them. Pretty sure I don't want any of my own though - not sure if that makes a difference.

He really is a great bloke but I don't want to jump in when there are complications like a difficult ex. Perhaps all men will have a bit of baggage though especially as I don't tend to date men my age.

OP posts:
doziedoozie · 27/05/2014 19:25

Lessons for Step Mothers, Geeta Maheshwari's small book lays it on the line.

Tappergirl · 27/05/2014 19:27

At least she is an EX Wife, that is a big plus! Grin

Waltermittythesequel · 27/05/2014 19:28

Don't.

Seriously.

Original poster
gigglygirlygirl · 27/05/2014 19:30

Tappergirl They split about years ago and we have only been seeing each other about 3 months but it was serious pretty much from the start. I am 28 and he is 42.

I spent some time on my own with his ex and it was a bit scary!

I know it is early to be thinking about it but I have met them now and they have been through a lot in their lives. He is very careful about who he has introduced them to. They are a huge part of his life and really I don't want anyone (especially not the children) to get hurt because I end up in over my head.

OP posts:
Original poster
gigglygirlygirl · 27/05/2014 19:30

Sorry 7 years ago!

OP posts:
desertgirl · 27/05/2014 19:34

If they split 7 years ago, how does he have a 2 year old?

Waltermittythesequel · 27/05/2014 19:35

He's not that careful, if he's introducing them to you after only three months!

TalisaMaegyr · 27/05/2014 19:35

This.

ThatBloodyWoman · 27/05/2014 19:35

I have had a very positive experience of being a step mum and get on well with the ex wife.
I was a step mum before I had my own children.

It can be fantastic.

I just wanted to put a positive side.

I would do it again in a heartbeat.

Waltermittythesequel · 27/05/2014 19:35

I think she meant two children, desert

TalisaMaegyr · 27/05/2014 19:36

Why did you spend time with the ex on your own? Confused

Minorchristmascrisis · 27/05/2014 19:38

I think the op meant two children, 10 and 12

Tappergirl · 27/05/2014 19:49

I thought 3 as well, and was going to ask the same question about a possible 2 year old!

Bonsoir · 27/05/2014 19:53

I am a stepmother to two boys (who are now nearly 17 and 19) and have a DD, their half-sister, who is 9, and it is fine. The only problems we encounter in our family are generated by DP's unpleasant exW but since the boys have decided to follow in their father's footsteps and leave her to her own devices, that is pretty much under control!

Tappergirl · 27/05/2014 19:53

Walter, I don't think 3 months is unreasonable. I think it's fair and shows that he is serious about the relationship. My DH didn't wait that long to introduce me to his kids, but I didn't feel pressurised to meet them.

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