I've asked MNHQ...

[ChinaCupsandSaucers]

.....if we can have a little 'note' at the top of the Stepparenting board, with a list of acronyms that cause offence - to ensure that posters get support and threads aren't sidetracked by inadvertent use of common phrases that are less welcome here on MN;

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/1811572-Board-notes

Quite.

"And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy sister's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?"

Good grief. I am both a step mum and a 'birth mum'. Its just a quick and easy way to refer to the person you are talking about. Why would I want to litter a post with dsd's mum when I could just type bm? I don't see it as offensive in the slightest.

I don't really know dsd's mother, but she is clearly a great mum who has raised a lovely daughter. If someone's post AS A WHOLE is somehow offensive, thats one thing, I utterly utterly fail to see how using a long standing acronym is worthy of being picked up on in this way, and this is just another reason why I generally never post on this board.

It is sometimes appropriate to use the term 'Birth Mother' and sometimes not.

What is more important is helping someone who needs help... far more important than semantics.

Look at how bigredbaboonsbottom has been made to feel... is that what we aim for on MN these days? Really?

BigRed - I hope you stay, I hope you get the support you need and you will, you just have to ignore the posts that say more about the poster than you.

Couldn't agree more, chipping.

I'm not sure many would suggest that it acceptable, but there is a world of difference between agreeing that a term shouldn't be used, and jumping aggressively on someone seeking support, who used the phrase in genuine innocence. Which is precisely why the op has suggested a note detailing what is acceptable language and what is not.

We are, in fact, all in agreement.

Reality I don't know how you can complain about inappropriate use of abbreviations, when your post contains the f word and the c word. Shame on you. I've just reported you to MNHQ. Can't you express yourself without resorting to that sort of language?

Afternoon,

We don't want to get in the way of a debate, but if you could remember our talk guidelines that would be grand.

MNHQ

Given that we have adult posters on here saying they choose to call their step mum 'Mum' and the woman who gave birth to them, but did not parent them 'Birth Mum', I don't think anyone has the right to say that the term 'Birth Mum' is unacceptable. However, if the childs mum is an involved parent, it would generally be unacceptable to call her Birth Mum - but how twattish do you have to be, to call someone on it nastily, on a thread, when they are clearly just doing their best to make it clear who is who. Gently pointing it out is one thing, acting like it's the worst thing anyone could ever do is quite another.

I don't agree that there should be 'board guidance' about it.

I think it is for posters to temper their aggressive responses to a term which is used, that they don't like (albeit understandably), when used by a poster not showing any other signs of being a fuckugget.

It is normal for an involved parent to feel 'I am not her birth mother, I am her mother' it is equally normal for a step parent who has brought the child up (with no or little involvement of the woman who gave birth to the child) to feel like the Mum and the Birth Mum are an accurate reflection of the situation.

Being 'Mum' is more than about giving birth is it not?

Julie what did China say? I read her post and missed anything that would break guidelines??

What the fuck?

Why have I been deleted?

I'll try again without the quotes this time!

reality and Annabelle You have clearly demonstrated the point I have been trying to make to MNHQ

The term birth/bio Mum generates a response unlike any other terminology on MN. The very fact that even in a discussion about use of the term, it is so offensive to some MN users that they are unable to temper their responses sufficiently to avoid deletion is surely evidence enough that MN users should be warned about the reaction and foul abuse that they will undoubtedly be subject to if they inadvertently break an unwritten rule.

And I'll use the fucking F word and the cunting C word as I am an adult, an educated one at that, I am speaking to, I assume, adults and I am posting on a forum that, thank fuck, allows adult language.

Shame on you, Petal, for reporting me for swearing.

chipping I quoted deleted posts so reported myself - I've reposted my point without them

I've offended myself with the amount of commas in that post. Shame on me.

It wasn't foul abuse, I just said that if you continue to use it when it's been pointed out how offensive it is then you are a fucknugget.

Again, thank you reality - you're helping my cause greatly here

What's your cause? I don;t really understand.

YOu want people to be warned not to use BM to mean 'the mother of my boyfriend's children'?

Good. So do I. Glad to help.

Can I just say that I am less offended by 'fuck' than I am by endless passive aggressive smileys.

I like smilies - and if we don't use them, MNHQ might take them away!

Reality, I've just reported your bad language again.

I like smilies.

It's two faced PA shit that annoys me.

Petal

You know we are allowed to say cunt and fuck and fucknugget, don't you?