I've asked MNHQ...

[ChinaCupsandSaucers]

.....if we can have a little 'note' at the top of the Stepparenting board, with a list of acronyms that cause offence - to ensure that posters get support and threads aren't sidetracked by inadvertent use of common phrases that are less welcome here on MN;

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/1811572-Board-notes

Hello

Right: you're quite right that generally, we think of a personal attack as being on an identifiable poster ('RowanMumsnet, you're a silly cow.')

A while back though, we came across a few situations in which groups of identifiable posters were being attacked thusly:

POSTER A 'I'm a RadFem and I think xxx'
POSTER B 'RadFems are all arses'

After quite a lot of this (and lots of representations from aggrieved posters) we came to the view that sometimes, a personal attack can be cloaked in a general observation - depending on what preceded it on the thread.

Now - we're NOT saying that Reality was deliberately attacking someone. (Until the government hurries up with making the contents of everybody's brains available in an easily-readable format, we can't know what people's motivations for their posts are.)

But the fact that her post was preceded by a few people saying 'I use the term BM' meant that her post ('if you use the term BM you're a fucknugget') did look like a PA on those people.

All of that said, this is definitely one of those borderline situations, and we do take on board that some of you think we were being hairtriggerish. These particular situations are always a bit difficult to judge correctly, and we sorry if we got it wrong.

Incidentally, I've just highly amused myself by coining the term 'modsplaining'.

Thanks rowan.

Bit clearer now.

LOVE the term modsplaining, v apt

I wasn't being attacky (not that time anyway), but I understand the reasoning.

I just think that, regardless of the context, the majority of the people don't want to read posts littered with f and c words.

You are very completely and utterly wrong in that supposition petal.

The ability to call a fucknugget or wankbadger or indeed cuntweasel where necessary (either for the relief of tension or pure comedy effect) is a fundamental well loved aspect of this site.

Grow up.

It reminds me if the bitchy girl gangs who thought they were so cool for swearing/smoking whatever.

I am fully grown.

And it is a fundamental part of this site. If you don't like swearing please feel free to go and post an AIBU and see what result you get. Or you could look at netmums. MN allows swearing - it won't change because you think we are beneath you.

Personally I think the reason so many on mumsnet don't like the term bio/birth mum is because its used by step mums, and generally people on mumsnet don't seem to like step mums. We can do no right - it probably doesn't matter what term was used, there would be something to find fault with.

Swearing is a fundamental part of the site? So in other words, swearing is essential and necessary?

I think swearing is an attempt to own/dominate a space.

Trying to dictate what terms may and may not be used is another attempt to own/dominate a space.

The former makes me feel rather like a passenger in a bus where somebody is effing and blinding loudly. It's a bit scary. Obviously I am free to get off or stick my fingers in my ears. But I still feel that whoever is doing all the swearing is behaving in a vaguely selfish way. (Of course they might be under particular stress or have mental health difficulties which prevent them having much regard for others.)

I feel more subtly threatened by those who try and say, 'These are the rules which we want you to abide by. If you are a decent person you will please abide by them' Particularly when they are not actually the people who do make the rules. That's a more insidious attempt at control. (Of course such people may quite genuinely believe in their rightness. But people who believe they are right can do quite a lot of harm.)

Not in every message (although I have seen threads where that has been the case) but it is part if the schtick here. And I have been here for a looooong time.

Generally liberal, anti-disabilist, anti-racist, feminist, gin and wine loving swearers. It is a bit long to fit under 'by parents for parents' admittedly...

Rowan & Thanks for taking the time to post.

Petal - well, the good thing is that your opinion is only one of many and not one MN agrees with :)

Scone

Okaaaayyyy so you get to make the rules because you've been here for a "looonnnnng" time. There's are a lot of people who have been places a long time but that doesn't make any of what they did there necessarily good. Or that the swearing subculture you identify with as fundamental.

There are lots of spaces all over the net where swearing is actively discouraged. This one site treats me with the respect to act like a grown up.

If I want to say that cancer is a fucking shit then according to the moderated rules of this site that is fine. (And it is a fucking shit. A total bastard that has taken too many friends, family members and children of people on here).

I won't personally call you a cunt 'cos even with the influence of painkillers I am not that kind of poster. But I have wished a rotting fanjo on a dick of a woman who wanted to swap her dog for another dog because she was bored of it.

This is a massive derail and I apologise to ChinaCups, but it isn't ok to come and pick a fight with me about the entire ethos of this site.

You don't get to decide what it's ok to do, or this thread or any other

...and neither do you.

MN do not have a problem with swearing, so it isn't for you or Petal to complain to posters about it.

allnew why are you being so stroppy?

I haven't actually told anyone what it's ok or not for them to do

Your attitude is portraying someone who needs a good rant at someone. I am not in the mood to be a punchbag tonight.

You specifically put 6 swear words into one post and then accuse me of having a rant?

Someone who comes onto a thread and doesn't have anything at all to say related to the OP seems to be the one in need of a rant

It's a site where people may swear if they wish.
Some of us like that.
The 'its like a bitchy girl gang' shtick is very dull. It's nothing of the sort.
It's a matter of choice and it's the rules.
If you chose to ignore people who disagree with you because they swear that's up to you but it is going to be quite limiting on here. Some of the kindest, wisest posters on here swear.
I would rather profanity over sanctemonious guff most of the time and pretending one is more intelligent or delicate because you never swear is disingenuous and nonsensical if you post sneery, passive aggresive shite instead.

What a strange place MN is!

I start a thread suggesting it might be a good idea if MNHQ ban the use of a particular phrase (via the talk guidelines) because it seems to offend some MNers to the extent that they are unable to self-moderate, and those very MNers are the ones objecting most vociferously, and accusing me of being passive aggressive!

Personally, I don't have a strong opinion about the phrase one way or another; I've never used it to describe my DSC mum, but it has been used IRL by my DDs Dad to introduce me to professionals in DDs life.

But, given the strength of feeling by some, and the inability/unwillingness of those members to stay quiet when a new member inadvertantly used the offending phrase, I thought it would be a good idea to suggest it was banned in the Talk Guidelines. Then, if a thread is started inadvertantly, it can be deleted by MNHQ straight away, with a gentle email message explaining the rules to the new member, rather than the days of heckling and abuse that have taken place on recent threads by members who are so offended by the OPs use of the term that they keep revisiting the thread to berate the OP further.

But hey, I'm not a Mod, so don't get to decide the rules.