Shite. DSD won't get to come with us at Christmas holidays. :-(

[ProbablyJustGas]

DH has asked his ex to consider letting us take DSD with us for a week to visit my family in America over the next New Year holidays, with DSD spending Christmas, Boxing Day, the 27th and the leadup to these holidays with exW. We would fly back from America in time for DSD to recover from jet lag and return to school on time. Although exW sounded warm to the idea at first tonight, she has since texted DH to say she's reconsidered and would rather not let DSD go at all.

I am so disappointed. I don't get the chance to visit my family that often, and they have really taken to DSD and she to them. She will be allowed to see them during other school vacation periods, so I will work with that, but my folks consider DSD their first grandkid, and they were really hoping to see her at the holidays too.

DH is very supportive of me, and has already said that if we have to, we'll try to spend some time over Christmas with DSD and then go visit my fam on our own, but .... argh. I understand that no matter how much love, affection and effort I give to this child, she's not mine. But it won't be the same. Shite. :(

I have no feelings about your comments but I do object strongly to your wildly incorrect "summary" of my posts.

You are very wrong if you think that what a child does when in the care of his/her father has nothing to do with his mother, and vice versa.

I have no interest in arguing with u bonsoir. As I SM myself, I have the same issues to deal with as many on here and ive read ur posts n have drawn my own conclusion to ur comments. Of course the mother a should be concerned what her child does but this is about a holiday.....?

Yes, in which case a parent has every right to be especially concerned because a child will be outside his/her normal comfort zone.

This is not about comfort zone. The child will be with a loving father, SM and her family there is no danger. It smacks of control to me. If the child was going to Iraq for a vacation i might question it but this is a family holiday at the end of the day and nothing more.

Listen, we will have to beg to differ. I would never, as a SM, have taken my DSSs to stay with my family (overseas) unless their own mother was totally comfortable with it. As it so happens, she was always totally OK with it. But if she hadn't been I would have would been completely understanding.

I think the OP was understanding of it but just very disappointed, which is understandable. She IS allowed to be disappointed by what I consider to be a very selfish decision on behalf of the mother. I'm sure the father is perfectly capable of looking after his child on holiday. It's sad as the child misses out.

I would never, ever consider that my DSSs would have "missed out" by not going to see my parents with us! It's hardly life changing to see your SM's parents! I'm not that arrogant about my family.

The OP has every right to be disappointed at not getting to spend time with her dsd, and taking her on holiday. As there is already a trip in the summer I don't think the ex is being too unfair, although I don't think her reasons are great.

Bonsoir you are doing sm a great disservice on this thread. I feel that you feel you are the ultimate sm any anything other than your way is wrong. You are being very sanctimonious.

I think that it is the SMs who feel they have rights who are doing SMs a disservice - no wonder bio mothers get upset with them!

OMG you're still at it Bonsoir

Are you the self appointed Minister of Blended Families or what ?

It's starting to sound like a long winded monologue... I would never , I think etc etc ...ad nauseum and repeat

Whatever I write u'll find a way to twist it. U could be my DP ExW with comments like that!!! It's the whole experience I'm talking about not just seeing family. My family love my DSC and they play an important part in their lives. Its the same for OP whether u care to acknowledge it or not. Holidays are special times together and everyone on the holiday has a part to play. A child's development is done through experiences and a holiday to the USA would be a wonderful experience.

Is it too rude to just say 'Oh for flip's sake Bonsoir, will you just shut up talking such utter drivel' ?

No I've been thinking that for a while. Clearly an expert in all fields of step-parenting. Must be a right laugh for her family! Maybe she should have her own thread for a master class in how to parent/step parent. Im waiting with bated breathe........ LOL

I met clockwork toy seller who was less of a wind up merchant than some of the posters on here

Ooh, have you seen that deleted message up there ^ at 10.31

That's new isn't it?

Ooh never seen one like that before. Its going all technological around here.

Can I offer you some baked goods? I have some delicious virtual Belgian Buns.

ohhh Nice ! How about some Muffings too ?

Bran muffings?

Or something a little sweeter.

How about a spot of Brioche?

I made a fabulous butter iced chocolate traybake yesterday, there's a few slices left

Banana loaf cake anyone....

Now we're talking!!!
I'm anyone's for a piece of cake!!!
or ?

well, port actually....work this one out...I get a banging head on wine but not a cheeky port. Go figure! :)

I shall be doing a mercy mission to the spar later for vodka as I have a bottle of cherry coke screaming out for it

Nice touch!