Is is physically possible to explode from frustration???!?

[TooMuchInLove]

I have been with DP for 2 years, and have a DSD with him (11).
I do love her dearly but I cannot cope with some of the stuff that goes on in this house and its driving me mad!!

The main problem is a mystical thursday illness that she seems to have aquired. She stays with us on a Wednesday and without a doubt as soon as DP says its bed time (never before 10) she suddenly gets a life threatening illness, I tell him week after week just to make her go to sleep but he doesn't he stays in her room watching films until late to try and make her feel better. She then refuses to go to school on the thursday because she is too tired and grumpy. He can't take the day off work so I have her. I don't have a problem with staying home but it really is starting to take the piss. As soon as DP leaves she is fine. but i have zero power to then make her go into school late.
Out of the last 10 school weeks she has been 'ill' on 8 of them.

This is driving her mum crazy because she knows she isn't ill and wants her in school and is getting tired of the weekly phone call off my DP saying he is keeping her home.

I have tried to get him to talk to her and find out if its a lesson she hates, or a certain friend, or just a general problem that she doesn't want to go but he honestly thinks she is ill. Or refuses to believe that she is capable of lying.

I am just so tired of him being such a pushover (it goes so much further than this, i.e he still brushes her teeth for her!!!) and need some advice on how i can kick him up the backside before I can't cope any more.

Just to say I do love DSD and we have a great relationship but this is just taking it out of me!

TooMuch the longer you spend with a man who is not prepared to give you the life you want, the less time you have to find that perfect life with someone else.

Your DP is not willing to give you what you want....there will be another out there who will, and if you never find him, at least you won't have wasted many more years on a man you know never will. Tbh, your DSD's mum sounds like a good ally, and I would be surprised, if you and DP split, if she prevented you from seeing her. Don't stay with your DP purely for DSD's sake. Don't live your life for someone else's child when that someone else is effectively preventing you from having your own child.

I was a step mum in a previous relationship too. She was 11 when I met her and I was with her dad for 5 years. When we split up he banned her from seeing me or my dc but her mum called me and said she wanted to see us so we arranged contact between us and we actually became quite good friends. She's 19 now and at uni and we still see her regularly and she will always be a part of my family x

Thats nice Kaluki OP, I hope the children are doing ok, your DP is an arse.

Thanks everyone. the kids are doing fine. spent the day with their dad now back with m. Its not that he does want them there but he's finding things rather tough as you can imagine.

seeing dp with the kids has made ne realise how i maybe don't want any with him. but i do still want them if you see what i mean.
I think when all is settled i'll try and leave. I'm starting a new job in a couple of weeks so maybe its a good time for a fresh start.

i'm sure dsd's mum will let me know about dsd. it will never be the same as seeing her 4 days a week but i don't ever want to resent not leaving because of her abduction never getting what i want x

And not abduction phone grr

I've given up!
dp is planning on cheating (yes i do have proof) how. I know this is step parenting but how do i leave, how do i leave dsd?? I'm totally stuck :(

i have posted here is well
Here

Oh, am so sorry to hear this. I think you sound like such a nice person, this is shitty.

The bods on relationships will advise wisely about leaving your DP. You can do anything, people leave with nothing and bounce right back.

You have no DC, you can talk to DSD's mum and given how amazing you have been just recently I am sure you will see her.

I think you have to put you first x

oh, toomuch! I want to cry. You seem so sweet and he is awful.

I will tell you this. In my early & mid-thirties, I was in a relationship with someone who was a total sociopath (I am not using that term lightly, either, I mean it quite literally). I loved him, absolutely. The relationship ended when he cheated on me (not, I suspect now, for the first time), but it was not a clean break. It was complicated for me by a number of issues, one being that I was diagnosed with cancer at the same time and was very fearful; I also just didn't have any confidence and I felt as if my entire life had broken apart and I had nowhere to go...I had no job, nowhere to live, nothing. It was horrible. I was taking scraps from him and trying to make them be enough.
That all ended in 2006. Now I am married and I have a baby daughter - I had thought I was never going to have a child and wanted one very much. My DH and I have problems of course, or I would not be on this board(!) - but he is kind and he respects me, and he genuinely loves me. And honestly - I feel now that I had a narrow escape from another, sadder, crueler life altogether.
Sorry for talking about myself on your thread - but I wanted to tell you that I do know a bit of what you are feeling.

I promise you that you will be ok without this jerk. You will flourish without this jerk. You will get through the first, hard, bits, and you will make it work. You want a child - you should not give that up, especially for someone who is so totally unworthy of you.

I hope that you will be able to continue to see DSD. Talk to her mum. Keep in mind that your DP has shown himself to be untrustworthy and controlling - so the sad truth is that your relationship with DSD would always, even if you stayed, be dependent on your DP - you can't stay because of her; even though I understand why you'd want to.

I'm sorry you are going through all of this.

I'm just so scared of what's to come. i've left before and was back in two days promising to relax more and be a bit easier to live with. even though it wasn't me who did anything wrong.

i don't think i'm strong enough to leave everything behind. i feel so weak and confused :-( x

Sweetheart, you're stronger than you know. This man is bad for you. I'm sure the majority of the reason you feel so scared and helpless is that his behavior has ground you down to the point that things you'd otherwise be capable of seem impossible. Whatever needs doing, you can do, and if you need a little help, there are women's groups out there who'll hold your hand the whole way through. Staying with this man would be disastrous IMO. Your self-respect, physical safety (thinking of STIs here) and mental health are on the line. You deserve better than this man is capable of providing.

When I was 21 I left who I thought was the love of my life, but in reality was just a sad, uneducated pothead who developed a habit of screaming in my face and telling me how horrible I was. I felt myself starting to believe him. The penny dropped when he told me he'd 'kick my puppy across the room' if he dared to eat out of his dog's bowl. When someone shows you who they are, believe them. I was a bit shell-shocked for a couple of years, mainly that I'd let myself down so far by getting sucked into such a disastrous relationship, but every day not being around someone who really thought nothing of me, was worth the effort it took to start over. Believe me, if I could do it, you can too. You are leaving nothing behind except a sad, pathetic little man.

Is there any chance you could stay with your new employers for a few months?

Sorry i haven't replied to you all. Dpi found my thread on here and went crazy. i was terrified i've taken the kids back to their dads and i'm stayingwith them for a few days (godsons dad). i'm scared he will show up and try and get me to come back. never thought i would be scared of him
he would of seen his prostitute today. i can't bear the thought.
i had a text off Dsd asking where i am because he won't tell her. i'm going to speak to her mum tonight.

i don't want her to work but i want her to know the facts (although i don't know how much detail to go into :-(
i just feel since weak, i can't eat or sleep or think straight :-(

oh, god.
I must say that I am glad you're out of there. I hope speaking with DSD's mum goes well and that she can help you explain things to DSD in the right way.

Hang in there. I suppose your DP will be reading these posts now?